Desperate conservatives
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Froma Harrop / Syndicated columnist
Every year there's a naughty new show on television. This year, it is "Desperate Housewives."
Conservative media watchdogs say it's the kind of morals-rotting sludge that good Americans
have come to resent. And they've targeted the show's advertisers. At least two — Tyson Foods
and Lowe's Home Improvement Centers — have dropped out.
But "Desperate Housewives" isn't going anywhere, except to the top of the ratings
chart. It's been ABC's salvation, and other advertisers are lining up. If Tyson won't sell its chickens
on "Desperate Housewives," Colonel Sanders will. Furthermore, the show isn't the
cultural calamity its conservative critics contend.
"Desperate Housewives" is a dark comedy about pampered women living on a
cul-de-sac of baby mansions. In material terms, they have the whole enchilada. Emotionally,
they are miserable. Theirs is a world of adultery, rude children, mothers who lie and husbands
who leave. One character is the voice of a dead housewife who put a gun to her head, for
reasons we'll learn someday.
The American public, we are told, is fed up with this trash. Indecent television has become the
main villain in the "values issue." But one thing needs noting: The very week that the
people propelled President Bush to a second term — partly on his promise of cultural
cleanup — 22 million Americans voted with their remotes for "Desperate Housewives."
That must be worth a good 50 electoral votes.
Public hypocrisy? Yes, but I totally sympathize. If the pollster asked me whether "The
Swan" was a morally reprehensible show, I'd say yes. But while one half of my brain is
ashamed to be watching this thing, the other half can't wait for the commercials to end.
The conservative protests against "Desperate Housewives" are interesting because
the show is pretty clean on language and nudity. The jokes are dirtier on "Everybody
Loves Raymond." There are no scenes of "bachelorettes" licking whipped
cream off of strippers' bodies. That idea got "Married by America" in trouble and
earned Fox (Red America's favorite broadcaster) a $1.2 million fine from the Federal
Communications Commission. "Desperate Housewives" is far less titillating than
was "Dynasty." (The housewives' main frustration about sex tends to be not having any.)
Where "Desperate Housewives" offends the decency patrol is in its grim view of
family life. The show portrays motherhood as "a worthless chore," charges the
American Family Association. But the FCC can hardly sink its teeth into ABC for depicting
dysfunctional families. If that's the case, there go "Hamlet" and "Long Day's
Journey Into Night."
"Desperate Housewives" appeals to a broad female audience. Single women
enjoy seeing how little they're missing. Feminists don't adore this program, but some give it a
thumbs-up for casting women in their 30s, 40s and beyond. The characters may be messed
up beyond belief, but women are so desperate to see TV females older than the Olsen twins
that they'll settle for this.
By the way, conservatives are totally wrong that a show about messed-up families is necessarily
bad for the institution of marriage. Real marriages and real children create conflict and anger.
Mothers who'll watch "Desperate Housewives" can't help but feel good about their
home lives, at least by comparison. And if they labor under the illusion that lack of money causes
marital stress, this portrait of well-heeled misery will cure them.
Utopian family programs, like the old "Donna Reed Show," probably make more
business for the divorce courts than their more cynical competitors. On "Donna
Reed," all mom needed to do was apply some gentle discipline, and the children
would robotically do the right thing under all circumstances. Donna's house was immaculate —
even though there was no maid bustling about. Donna always looked stunning, and her husband
was a 24-7 gent.
Whose domestic sphere doesn't look a shambles next to that? Learning that other people's lives
come with warts makes people feel better about their own warts. That's what group therapy is
about, and women were made for group therapy.
Let me add an advisory: Anyone looking for brilliant television ought not relinquish the remote
upon finding "Desperate Housewives." It is neither great drama nor high comedy.
But it's also no threat to your moral being. The show is bound to bore you before it does any harm.
© Seattle Times 2004. All Rights Reserved.
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