This was typed by Amanda, a mere human, and mistakes are possible. If you find any, no matter how trivial, please let me know. (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)

In the interest of finishing the transcripts faster, screen caps will no longer be placed on the transcripts. You can find screen caps at the following websites:
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Wisteria Lane
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Starring
"Susan Mayer" - Teri Hatcher
"Lynette Scavo" - Felicity Huffman
"Bree Van De Kamp" - Marcia Cross
"Gabrielle Solis" - Eva Longoria
"Edie Britt" - Nicollette Sheridan
"Carlos Solis" - Ricardo Antonio Chavira
"Julie Mayer" - Andrea Bowen
"Tom Scavo" - Doug Savant
"Orson Hodge" - Kyle MacLachlan
"Mary Alice Young" - Brenda Strong
"Mike Delfino" - James Denton

Also Starring
"Andrew Van de Kamp" - Shawn Pyfrom
"Danielle Van de Kamp" - Joy Lauren
"Austin Britt" - Josh Henderson
"Preston Scavo" - Brent Kinsman
"Porter Scavo" - Shane Kinsman
"Parker Scavo" - Zane Huett

Guest Starring
"Ian Hainesworth" - Dougray Scott
"Paul Young" - Mark Moses
"Alma Hodge" - Valerie Mahaffey
"Detective Ridley" - Ernie Hudson
"Kayla Huntington" - Rachel Fox
"Bill Pearce" - Mark Deklin
"Peggy" - Myra Turley
"Gloria Hodge" - Dixie Carter

Co-Starring
"Inmate #1" - Cristos

Written by: Alexandra Cunningham & Josh Senter
Directed by: Sanaa Hamri

Alma Hodge stands on Wisteria Lane, staring at Bree's house.

"To understand the journey of Alma Hodge, you first need to know how it started."

Flashback

"It began the day she wed Orson Hodge, a man she had tricked into marriage by getting pregnant. Alma was confident that as their family grew, Orson's feelings for her would grow as well. But then something went wrong, and the baby she had been counting on never came. So Alma found herself married to a man who seemed to despise her. Still, Alma hoped things would get better..."

Alma sits at the kitchen table, mending a shirt and talking to her bird.

Alma: "Mama loves her baby. Does the baby love mama?"

"Until the day she discovered Orson was having an affair."

Alma looks down at the shirt she's mending and sees that it has a lipstick mark on the collar.

"And Alma realized the only way she'd ever get her husband to appreciate her was to leave him...immediately."

Alma packs her bags and is carrying them to the front door, along with the bird's cage, when she trips. Everything she's holding falls to the ground, including the birdcage, which opens and the bird flies up to the top of the stairs. Alma sees Orson's car drive up to the house.

Alma: "If you don't get back in your cage right now, I'm gonna have to leave you behind. Please!"

Orson walks in. The bird flies back into its cage. Orson closes the front door.

Orson: "Going somewhere?"
Alma: "I'm staying at a motel tonight."
Orson: "Why?"
Alma: "I don't have time to discuss it. I'm late for the bus."
Orson: "All right."

He walks upstairs. Alma follows.

Alma: "I'm going away because...I know you're having an affair."
Orson: "Ah. I see."
Alma: "Aren't you even gonna deny it?"
Orson: "On the contrary. I wanna shout it from the rooftops! For the first time in my life, I'm actually in love."
Alma: "How could you say that to me? I'm your wife!"
Orson: "We both know why we got married and it had nothing to do with affection."
Alma: "So you don't care if I go?"
Orson: "No."

He walks past her back downstairs. Alma rushes after him.

Alma: "Wait! This isn't what's supposed to happen! You should be begging me to stay with you."
Orson: "I deserve to be happy, Alma. So do you. And we're clearly not gonna find that together."
Alma: "Orson, no!"

Orson leaves the house.

"It was at that moment Alma realized it wasn't enough to leave her husband. He had to be punished."

Present Day

Alma heads towards Bree's house and knocks on the front door.

"Yes, this was the journey of Alma Hodge..."

Bree answers.

Alma: "Bree Hodge? I'm Alma Hodge. I believe we have someone in common."

Bree faints.

"...and it wasn't over yet."

Alma smiles.

Opening Credits

"There is a time of day all housewives look forward to. It occurs just after the chores have been completed and right before the children come home from school. It's a time for good friends to get together, have a cup of coffee, and exchange gossip about the other good friend who couldn't make it that day."

Lynette's Front Porch

Gabrielle, Susan, and Lynette are on Lynette's front porch drinking coffee together.

Susan: "Bree let Orson move back in."
Lynette: "You're kidding. When?"
Susan: "Yesterday. I'm so disappointed in her."
Gabrielle: "Well, the police did arrest Mike. I mean, I know you think he's innocent, but surely you can understand why Bree's feelings have changed."
Susan: "Well, mine haven't, and I know something that Bree probably doesn't. When Orson was seventeen, he spent time in a mental institution."
Gabrielle: "How did you find that out?"
Susan: "I snuck into his office and rifled through his things."
Lynette: "Of course you did."
Gabrielle: "But that doesn't prove he had anything to do with Monique's murder."
Susan: "No, but it's a piece of the puzzle. I mean, he did have an affair with her. And when you combine that with the fact that his first wife went missing..."

Bree's House

Bree and Alma sit on the couch.

Bree: "So you're Alma. Where have you been all this time?"
Alma: "In Canada. My aunt lives there."
Bree: "Well, you should've told someone. People thought you were dead. Some even thought that Orson killed you."
Alma: "Well, that's sort of what I wanted them to think. That's why I left my bird behind and only took cash, so they couldn't trace me through my credit cards."
Bree: "So you deliberately framed Orson?"
Alma: "I'm not saying it was my finest hour. But you have to understand: Orson hurt me very badly. He cheated on me."
Bree: "Yes, I know--with Monique Polier."
Alma: "And I thought if I disappeared, she'd get scared and leave him, like he left me. Isn't jealousy awful?"
Bree: "So why have you come back?"
Alma: "I found this fantastic therapist. He told me that by holding on to my anger, I was really just hurting myself, which was hard to deny. I mean, hello, I'm here in Winnipeg with a deaf aunt and no credit. So I thought, it's time to make amends."

Orson comes home. He doesn't see Bree and Alma right away.

Orson: "Darling? Mrs. McKlean canceled, so I'm free for lunch."
Bree: "Um, actually, we have a guest."
Alma: "Hello, Orson."
Orson: "Oh, hello."
Alma: "So...what is it with you and redheads?"

Wisteria Lane Park

Gabrielle and Bill are having a picnic in the neighborhood park. A bee keeps flying around Gabrille and she keeps trying to shoo it away.

Bill: "I, I hope you don't mind me springing this picnic on you. I figured it'd be more fun than some stuffy restaurant."
Gabrielle: "Are you kidding? What could be more romantic?"

She swats at the bee again.

Gabrielle: "Back off, you son of a bitch!"
Bill: "More wine?"
Gabrielle: "Yes, keep it coming."

Her phone rings. She picks it up.

Gabrielle: "Hello?"
Carlos: "Hey, hey, who's the dork?"
Gabrielle: "Carlos?"
Carlos: "What's with that cap? Extra, extra, read all about it!"
Gabrielle: "Where the hell are you?"

She looks around her and sees Carlos on Mike's front porch, watching them as he drinks a beer. He waves at her.

Gabrielle: "What are you doing at Mike's house?"
Carlos: "I live here."
Gabrielle: "What do you mean you live there? Since when?"
Carlos: "Gaby, my car's been in the driveway for three weeks. Even you can't be that self-absorbed."
Gabrielle: "Well, as you can see, I have more pleasant things to focus on."
Carlos: "So when you gonna tell Jimmy Olsen there that you hate picnics?"
Gabrielle: "I'm gonna hang up now."

She hangs up and turns back to Bill.

Gabrielle: "So, where were we?"
Bill: "Your ex-husband moved in across the street? What's that gonna be like?"

Her phone rings again and she answers it.

Gabrielle: "Yeah?!"
Carlos: "Are you gonna kiss him?"
Gabrielle: "That's right, Carlos. We have had some problems with raccoons getting into the trash. So why don't you just put a lid on it?"

She hangs up on him.

Lynette's House

Tom drives the car onto the driveway. Lynette faces her three boys as they all stand near the front door.

Lynette: "Okay, they're here. Now listen, stand up. Kayla has been through a lot, so when she walks in the door, I want you to make her feel welcome, okay? Give her a hug and be really nice."
Parker: "I'm giving her my room. How much nicer do I have to be?"
Lynette: "Well, nicer than that, or she's gonna get all your toys, too."

Tom and Kayla walk through the door. Lynette gives her a hug.

Tom: "Hey, hey, hey! Look who I found wandering around the airport."
Lynette: "Hi, Kayla! We missed you! We're so glad you're here. Okay, boys."

The three boys walk forward, surround Kayla, and awkwardly begin patting her head and shoulder. Lynette finally herds them away.

Lynette: "Good. Yeah, okay. So give her some room."
Tom: "Hey, wow, look, are those presents for Kayla?
Lynette: "Yes, they are."

The boys come forward one by one and give Kayla gifts.

Tom: "Hey, look at that. Preston gave you a harmonica. Isn't that cool? Oh "Harriet the Spy." Sounds mysterious."
Kayla: "Thanks."
Tom: "And what did you get for her, Porter?"
Porter: "A video game, but I get to play it whenever I want."
Lynette: "Porter! I--you know what? I got you something, too."

Lynette brings over a fancy doll and gives it to Kayla.

Lynette: "This is Nellie. My grandma gave her to me when I was little, and I was hoping you could take care of her for me."
Kayla: "Thanks."
Tom: "Hey, honey, why don't you take your stuff and go upstairs and, uh, get ready for lunch,okay? I'm gonna make some chili."
Kayla: "Okay, daddy."
Tom: "Okay, baby."

The kids head upstairs.

Tom: "Honey...that was so sweet to give her your doll."
Lynette: "She didn't seem that knocked out by it."
Tom: "Well, just give her some time. She'll, she'll come around. It's a tough adjustment."
Lynette: "Okay."

As Kayla walks upstairs slowly, she holds the doll by its ankles, letting its head knock against the bannister.

Bree's House

Bree, Orson, and Alma are in the living room eating cake.

Alma: "I must say, Bree, I don't know when I've tasted such moist pound cake."
Bree: "Sour cream."
Alma: "Ah. So, whatever happened to my parrot?"
Orson: "I set it free."
Alma: "Orson, they don't fair well in the wild. You should've--"
Orson: "For god sake, Alma, who cares about the damn bird? You set me up."
Bree: "Why don't I wrap up a piece of this pound cake for you to enjoy later?"

Bree leaves the room.

Orson: "Do you have any idea what you put me through? You almost ruined my life."
Alma: "You've rebounded nicely. Bree's lovely."
Orson: "Don't change the subject."
Alma: "You put me through a lot, too, Orson, but I forgave you. Can't we just put this behind us?"
Orson: "And that's all you've come back for? Closure?"
Alma: "Of course. What else?"

Susan's House

Susan walks into Julie's room. Julie is lounging on her bed, writing on some paper in a binder.

Susan: "I'm out of lipstick. Can I borrow yours?"
Julie: "Sure."
Susan: "Cherry Berry?"
Julie: "Austin likes the way it tastes."
Susan: "Oh, I so did not need to know that."
Julie: "So, um, where you going?"
Susan: "Down to the jailhouse to talk to Mike."
Julie: "But didn't you tell Ian you wouldn't see him anymore?"
Susan: "Yeah. But somebody's gotta tell him about his new lawyer. Otherwise, the guy's gonna show up, and he's gonna go, "who the hell is he?" Ian gets that. Besides, why would it be a big deal? Mike and I are over."
Julie: "I was just wondering, 'cause, you know, you're putting on lipstick to go to a prison."

Bree's House

Bree and Orson are showing Alma out.

Bree: "Thank you for clearing things up."
Alma: "Oh, well, it was the least I could do. Orson, I'm truly sorry for the pain I've caused, and if there's anything else I can do..."

Bree sees that across the street, Susan is walking to her car.

Bree: "Actually, there is. I'd love it if you could join us for dinner this weekend. There are some friends that I'm just dying for you to meet."

Prison

Susan is visiting Mike.

Mike: "You got me a lawyer?"
Susan: "Yeah, and he is fantastic. You cannot believe the scum he has gotten off. Not that you're scum. But, you know, if you were, you'd be sitting pretty."
Mike: "I'm paying you back. Every penny."
Susan: "Oh, well, you know, we'll figure that out later."
Mike: "I-I can't believe that I just listened to all that stuff Edie told me about you, and it turns out you're the only one standing by me. You're a good friend, Susan."
Susan: "Um, yeah, about that...it's Ian. He's not crazy about me spending time with my ex."
Mike: "Even an ex who doesn't remember dating you?"
Susan: "I remember, and I guess that's enough for him. I'm sorry."
Mike: "Well, I, uh, can't say that I blame him."
Susan: "Take care of yourself, Mike."
Mike: "You, too, Susan."

They shake hands and linger as their hands touch.

Lynette's House

The three boys, Kayla, and Penny are seated around the kitchen table.

Lynette: "Dinner's ready. Kayla, I made your favorite: tacos. Here you go."
Kayla: "But where's my daddy?"
Lynette: "Oh, sorry, sweetheart. He's working late, trying to get the restaurant ready. Oh, lovely, Parker. Go wash your hands. Go on."

Kayla gets up and carries her plate to the living room.

Lynette: "Kayla, where you going?"
Kayla: "To watch TV."
Lynette: "Oh, sweetie, we don't watch TV during dinner."
Kayla: "But my show is on."
Lynette: "Well, I'm sorry. Those are the rules."
Kayla: "My mommy let me."
Lynette: "Well...just this once."

Kayla sits down on the couch and the boys stare at Lynette accusingly.

Lynette: "Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking, but Kayla's going through a hard time right now. Come and sit down. Letting her watch TV is like me letting you eat ice cream when you're sick."
Twin: "But she's not sick."
Lynette: "Well, that's true, but she's sad."
Twin: "I'm sad I can't watch TV."
Lynette: "Eat your tacos."

Lynette sits down. The boys look at each other and then all get up and begin to take their plates into the living room, too.

Lynette: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sit your butts down!"
Twin: "It's not fair."
Lynette: "I don't care. We have rules."
Twin: "Well, she gets to."
Lynette: "She is special. Now sit down. Come on."
Twin: "Does she get dessert, too?"
Kayla (from the living room): "Of course I do."

Lynette and the boys turn to look at her.

Wisteria Lane - Nighttime

Gabrielle and Bill are walking down the sidewalk to Gabrielle's house.

Bill: "What an amazing documentary, huh? You know, I read the director shot over four hundred hours of film."
Gabrielle: "Really? I only counted half that."
Bill: "I get it. You pick the next one."
Gabrielle: "Okay."

They reach Gabrielle's house and see that there's a large bouquet of flowers waiting on the porch.

Gabrielle: "Look at you! Who knew you were such a romantic?"
Bill: "Actually, I, I didn't send them."
Gabrielle: "You didn't?"

Gabrielle pulls out the card.

Bill: "So, uh, who's making me look bad?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, there's no signature. Sorry. This is kind of awkward."
Bill: "No, I, I don't care who worships you from afar, as long as I get to do it up close."
Gabrielle: "That's sweet that you're not jealous. Carlos would've hit the roof if some guy sent me...would you excuse me a minute?"

She storms off with the flowers towards Mike's house and to where Carlos is lifting weights in the garage.

Gabrielle: "Nice try, Carlos."
Carlos: "Huh?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, don't act innocent. You know you sent me these flowers."
Carlos: "Why would I get you flowers?"
Gabrielle: "To sabotage my new relationship."
Carlos: "Oh, picnic boy? What do I care if you go out with him?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, you care. First, you move across the street. And then, earlier today, I catch you spying on me--"
Carlos: "I was not spying. I was mocking you."
Gabrielle: "You need to move on, Carlos."
Carlos: "I have moved on! You're the one talking to your ex during the middle of a date. Is he that boring?"
Gabrielle: "Bill is not boring. He is vibrant, and, and sexy."
Carlos: "And yet here you are."

She throws the flowers at him before stalking off and Carlos laughs.

Lynette's House

Lynette is cleaning up after dinner and finds the doll she gave Kayla stuffed in the trashcan, food all over it, and the arms removed. Later, she's moisturizing her face while talking to Tom, who's sitting in bed.

Tom: "She threw your doll in the trash?"
Lynette: "No. First, she ripped off its arms, stuffed it with chili, then she threw it in the trash."
Tom: "So what did you do?"
Lynette: "Nothing."
Tom: "And this is after you let her watch TV during dinner?"
Lynette: "Well, I didn't know what else to do. I'm trying to win over a little girl who clearly doesn't want a new mother."
Tom: "Well, I guess giving her special treatment isn't gonna solve anything."
Lynette: "You know what might solve something? If you were home once in a while. You're the one she listens to."
Tom: "I am trying to open up a restaurant. Our life savings is riding on this thing."
Lynette: "I know, I know. I know."
Tom: "You know what? I don't want you to be afraid to take a firm hand with Kayla. She's part of our family now and you know what that means."
Lynette: "Yeah. I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children."
Tom: "Exactly."

They kiss.

Susan's House

Julie and Austin are kissing each other passionately while lying on her bed. Austin's hand travels down to Julie's pants. She pushes his hand away.

Julie: "Sorry. Um, I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."
Austin: "That's cool. You can't blame me for trying, though."
Julie: "Austin, you know I want to. It's just..."
Austin: "Hey, don't sweat it. If you're not ready, you're not ready."

Bree's House

Julie and Danielle are in the kitchen, talking. Andrew stands behind them in the doorway, listening.

Danielle: "So he didn't pressure you at all? What a great guy."
Julie: "I know. I'm so lucky. Underneath all that bad boy posturing, he's a real gentleman."
Andrew: "Wow, you're not only a virgin, you think like one."
Danielle: "Beat it, eavesdropper."
Julie: "No, wait. Um...what did you mean by that?"
Andrew: "Well, uh...guys need sex. All right? It's basic science. So, if he's not getting it from you, he'll end up getting it somewhere else."
Danielle: "You're a moron. Not all guys pressure girls for sex."
Andrew: "Yeah, gay guys don't. But Austin's not gay, not even after three beers. Don't ask."
Danielle: "So, what's your point?"
Andrew: "If a guy has to wait too long to see you naked, he'll end up seeing you as a friend. Again...science."

He leaves.

Danielle: "Don't listen to him. You hold on to your virginity. If Austin won't wait, then he doesn't deserve you."
Julie: "I just don't wanna lose him."
Danielle: "It's better than losing your self-respect. Take it from a girl who's known at school as Little Miss Van De Tramp."
Julie: "I thought you made that up."
Danielle: "Only 'cause it was nicer than the other names they were calling me."

Outside Gabrielle's House

Bill is loading up his car with clothing and other items.

Bill: "I really appreciate you donating this stuff."
Gabrielle: "Anything for a good cause."
Bill: "Everyone at the shelter's gonna be so excited."
Gabrielle: "Yeah."
Bill: "I mean, to you and me, these are just a bunch of old clothes. But to a homeless woman...it's a chance for her to feel pretty again. You okay?"

Gabrielle sees Carlos jog by them and she watches him.

Gabrielle: "What?"
Bill: "I asked if you're okay. You seem kind of distracted."
Gabrielle: "I...am fine. Yes, I just remembered today's my mother's birthday. Can we stop by the florist on the way to the shelter?"
Bill: "Yeah."

Susan's House

Susan calls up Detective Ridley.

Susan: "Detective Ridley, my name is Susan Mayer, and I'm calling to "drop a dime" on someone. That's the expression, right?"
Detective Ridley: "Yes, ma'am. You've got the lingo down pat."
Susan: "Good. Uh, his name is Orson Hodge, and he had an affair with the woman that you think Mike Delfino killed."
Detective Ridley: "Monique Polier? Are you sure? Because Mr. Hodge saw her body in the morgue. He acted like he didn't know her."
Susan: "Well, he does, and so he's pretending he didn't. That's suspicious, right?"
Detective Ridley: "Well, um..."

Susan gets a call waiting beep on her phone.

Susan: "Oh, uh, can you hold on?"

She transfers over to the other line.

Susan: "Hello?"
Bree: "Susan. Hi. It's Bree."
Susan: "Bree? Uh...hi. Can you hold on a second?"

She switches back over to the detective.

Susan: "It's Orson's wife. She can't know I called you."
Detective Ridley: "Then how about you don't tell her?"
Susan: "Right. Sorry. Uh, I'm just new to this whole snitch thing. Hold on, okay?"

She switches back to Bree.

Susan: "Bree, hi. Sorry about that. Damn telemarketer. So what can I do for you?"
Bree: "I just feel really awful about our fight, and I-I think it's time for an apology."
Susan: "Oh, Bree, I am so relieved."
Bree: "Would you join Orson and me for dinner tomorrow night?"
Susan: "Oh, uh...sure."
Bree: "Good. I'll see you at eight."
Susan: "Bree...I just want you to know that no matter what, your friendship means the world to me."
Bree: "Oh, Susan, you know I feel exactly--"

Susan switches back over to the detective.

Susan: "It's me again. You should also know that Orson spent a year in an asylum."

Florist

Gabrielle walks into the florist's shop. The florist, Peggy, is working there.

Peggy: "Hi. Can I help you?"
Gabrielle: "Hi. I received some flowers from your shop yesterday and the card didn't say who they were from. Can you check? The name is Solis."
Peggy: "Sure, sure. Just give me a sec here. Solis?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah."

The woman begins going through a box with orders in it.

Peggy: "Solis...Solis...huh. This is odd. The buyer asked to remain anonymous."
Gabrielle: "Really? Uh, well, the flowers were so beautiful, I'd like to know who to thank."
Peggy: "Sorry. I have to honor their request."
Gabrielle: "Why? They're just flowers. They're not government secrets."
Peggy: "If you don't mind, I'm busy."
Gabrielle: "Well, okay, wait, wait, wait, let me explain."
Peggy: "What's to explain? A pretty girl gets flowers. Do you know how many girls never get flowers? I work in a flower shop. I've never gotten any freakin' flowers! So stop your whining about who sent them and just be glad he did."

She walks into a small cooler to put the flowers she was working on away.

Gabrielle: "You're right, and I am so sorry for taking up so much of your time."

She sneaks up behind the woman and locks her in the cooler.

Gabrielle: "Sorry for doing this."
Peggy: "Hey! What the hell are you doing? Hey, hey, hey!"
Gabrielle: "I'm gonna make it up to you, okay? Once I'm done, I'll send you flowers."

Gabrielle begins rifling through the orders. Meanwhile, in the car, Bill is obviously becoming impatient. He gets out of the car and goes into the florist shop. Peggy sees him.
Peggy: "Hey! You won't get away with this! I know where you live!"
Gabrielle: "Yeah? Well, stop by. We'll hot tub."

Peggy: "Hey, mister, help! She locked me in here!"
Bill: "Gaby?"
Gabrielle: "This is totally her fault. I mean, I simply asked her if Carlos sent me the flowers, and she refused to show me the order slip."
Bill: "Are you still hung up on that? For god sake."
Gabrielle: "No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait. I just need a couple more minutes. I need to know the truth."
Bill: "What truth is that, huh? That you're still obsessed with your ex-husband?"
Gabrielle: "What? No, he's obsessed with me."
Bill: "You just imprisoned a florist to find out if he sent you roses."
Gabrielle: "Okay, I see what you mean."

She puts all of the orders back in the box.

Gabrielle: "There. I'm done. Let's go."
Bill: "Actually...I think I'm done, too.
Gabrielle: "Oh."
Bill: "I'm sorry."
Gabrielle: "It's okay. I'm probably not ready to date."

She leaves the shop. Bill lets Peggy loose.

Peggy: "Thanks. And just so you know, I am ready to date."

Restaurant

Lynette stands up from a table where she was having dessert with the boys and Kayla. The boys stand up, too, but Kayla stays seated, her nearly full sundae glass in front of her.

Lynette: "All right, let's hit it. Now come on, Kayla."
Kayla: "I haven't finished my ice cream."
Lynette: "Well, I'm sorry,but we gotta go. I have a dinner party I have to get to."
Kayla: "They got to finish their ice cream."
Lynette: "Well, they, you know, wolfed it down like kids are supposed to. So...hurry it up."

Kayla takes a small, slow bite.

Lynette: "Kayla, I'm not fooling around. We--we're going."

Kayla continues to very slowly eat her ice cream.

Lynette: "Mm-hmm. Okay. Boys, go to the car. I'll be out in a minute. Go. Listen, sweetheart, I don't blame you for being angry. Your mom's gone,and you're stuck with me. But...the last thing she said to me was, "promise you'll take care of Kayla," and I am going to. But you're gonna have to help me, okay?"
Kayla: "We can leave when I'm done."
Lynette: "Okay, let's go."

Lynette grabs Kayla's arm to forcibly drag her out and Kayla begins screaming at the top of her lungs.

Lynette: "Hey, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay. What the hell are you doing?! Stop, stop! Stop screaming! Stop!"
Kayla: "Leave me alone! You're not my mommy!"

Lynette lets go of Kayla, who stops screaming and goes back to slowly eating her ice cream. Lynette goes out to the car where the boys are piled in the back seat, staring at her.

Lynette: "Guys, how would you like to eat dinner in front of the television for a whole week?"

Back in the restaurant, the three boys surround Kayla at the table.

Kayla: "What are you guys doing here?"

A few minutes later, the three of them are dragging Kayla out to the car. She's screaming.

Twin: "Kayla, stop screaming! You're hurting my ears!"
Parker: "Get in the car!"
Twin: "Come on! We're going home!"
Twin: "Get your seat belt on!"

They push her in the car and Lynette catches the eye of a woman passing by.

Lynette: "Kids. They're always rough housing."

Wisteria Lane Park - Nighttime

Julie and Austin are lying on the ground, kissing. Austin pulls away.

Julie: "Why'd you stop?"
Austin: "Well, uh, it's getting late. I got your blouse unbuttoned. That's usually when we call it a night."
Julie: "Do you wanna call it a night?"
Austin: "What, do you wanna grab a pizza or something?"

She kisses him.

Julie: "I wanna do what...you wanna do."
Austin: "Well...you know what I wanna do."
Julie: "Well, okay."
Austin: "Are you sure?"
Julie: "Yeah, I'm sure."

Prison

It's lunchtime and Mike is picking at his food while seated at a table with two other inmates.

Inmate: "You can always spot the new guys by the way they pick through their food. So what did you do when you thought no one was looking?"
Mike: "The cops say I killed a woman."
Inmate: "But you didn't, right?"
Mike: "Actually, I have no idea. I got pretty banged up in an accident. The last two years are a blank."
Inmate: "Well...it's a fresh approach. I'm not sure the jury's gonna swallow it."
Mike: "It's the truth."

From a different table, another inmate turns around. It's Paul Young.

Paul: "I believe you."

Lynette's House

Tom is tucking Kayla into bed.

Tom: "Okay, Mrs. McCluskey's downstairs, and we will be right across the street if you need us."
Kayla: "Okay, daddy."
Tom: "You know, I heard what happened with Lynette today. Hey, she is doing her best. Why you being so hard on her?"
Kayla: "'Cause it's her fault my mommy died."
Tom: "No. No, no, honey. It's not."
Kayla: "Mom only went to that store because Lynette was trying to steal me."
Tom: "Okay, that is not true. Look, honey, it is way more complicated than that. I know you miss your mommy and she loved you very much. But guess what? Lynette loves you, too. That's why you gotta give her a chance. Can you do that for me?"
Kayla: "Okay. I'll be good."
Tom: "That's my girl."
Kayla: "But I'm never gonna love her...and you can't make me."

From outside the room, Lynette is listening in.

Outside Mike's House

Gabrielle walks up to Carlos, who's sitting on the front porch, drinking.

Gabrielle: "Well, you've won."
Carlos: "What did I win?"
Gabrielle: "Bill and I split up."
Carlos: "Can't say I'm surprised. He wasn't right for you."
Gabrielle: "I know. So just admit you sent the flowers."
Carlos: "I didn't."
Gabrielle: "Carlos, just tell me. I won't be mad. I promise."
Carlos: "Gaby, if I was gonna send you flowers, I wouldn't send you pink roses. I'd send you white orchids, because I know they're your favorite. And if I wanted to cheer you up, sunflowers. And for the flu, blue irises."

Gabrielle sits down next to him.

Gabrielle: "I hate that you know me so well and it took so long for that to happen. Now I have to start over again with somebody else."
Carlos: "Yeah. That's what dating's for."
Gabrielle: "I know, and it sucks. I mean, you saw me. I went on a picnic and ate pudding out of a can. It was horrible."
Carlos: "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I dragged to the ballet the other night."
Gabrielle: "So you are dating. That's why you've been lifting weights and jogging."
Carlos: "Well, if you wanna bag the big game, gotta work on the guns."
Gabrielle: "I'll give you this--you're gonna be a tough act to follow, Carlos."
Carlos: "Back at ya, babe."

Bree's House

Bree goes into a side room where Alma is touching up her make-up.

Bree: "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, but I don't want to introduce you until all my guests are here."
Alma: "I don't mind."
Bree: "By the way, when my friends ask you what happened--and they will--I don't think it's necessary to go into all that unpleasantness about Orson and Monique. All they need to know is that you're back and we're on good terms."
Alma: "And Orson didn't kill me."
Bree: "And Orson didn't kill you."

The doorbell rings.

Bree: "Oh, okay, just one minute. That'll be Susan."

She leaves and Alma takes out a syringe and needle from her purse. She injects her thigh with the needle.

In the foyer, Bree lets Ian and Susan in. Susan hands Bree a covered cake dish.

Susan: "Hi. I brought you a bundt cake. Don't worry. I didn't make it."
Bree: "Oh, you didn't have to do that."
Susan: "I was really touched by your call. It was so big of you."
Bree: "Well, when you're wrong, you're wrong."

Later, everyone is gathered around the table, ready to begin eating.

Bree: "Now that we're all assembled, I'd like to introduce the guest of honor. I hope you'll all be as delighted to meet her as I was. You can come in now."

Alma walks in.

Bree: "Everyone, this is Alma Hodge, Orson's first wife."

Everyone looks stunned. Bree leans over to whisper to Susan.

Bree: "Oh, about that apology...any time you're ready."

Later, everyone is eating dinner.

Tom: "So, you have been in Canada this entire time?"
Alma: "Well, my Aunt Agnes has a place in Winnipeg. I hadn't planned on staying so long, but I needed the time to find myself."
Gabrielle: "It would've been nice if someone else could've found you. There was a whole lot of drama around here."
Alma: "Yes, I heard. People thought Orson had done away with me?"
Bree: "Amazing, isn't it, where some people's minds will go?"

She looks at Susan.

Later, Gabrielle, Lynette, and Susan are washing dishes and preparing for dessert in the kitchen.

Lynette: "Well, you gotta hand it to her. Just when you think Bree's thrown every conceivable theme party she hosts a "shame on you for thinking my husband killed someone" dinner."
Susan: "So Alma's alive. Big deal. We still don't know what went down between Orson and Monique."
Gabrielle: "Susan, please. We look stupid enough for suspecting him. Just let it go."

The doorbell rings. Bree answers it and Susan can see that it's Detective Ridley and a police officer.

Susan: "It may be a little late for that."

In the living room...

Bree: "Detective Ridley. Can I help you?"
Detective Ridley: "Yes. I'd like to speak to your husband."
Bree: "Oh, well, I'm afraid he's not here, but I will be happy to tell him that you came by."

From the other room, Orson calls out to her.

Orson: "Who is it, darling?"
Detective Ridley: "Excuse us."

They walk past her.

Bree: "Can't this wait? We're having a dinner party."
Detective Ridley: "Hello, Dr. Hodge."
Orson: "Detective Ridley."
Detective Ridley: "We need you to come with us. We have some questions about that Jane Doe we showed you in the morgue."
Orson: "Why do you think I'd know anything about her?"
Detective Ridley: "Well, you were having an affair with her when she died."
Orson: "Oh, where did you hear that?"
Bree: "Susan!"
Susan: "I didn't know they were gonna come tonight."
Orson: "Uh, I'm happy to answer any questions that you might have. My apologies. Please, stay. Enjoy the dessert."

Orson leaves with the detective and cop. Bree turns to Susan.

Bree: "I don't believe this. You called the police?"
Susan: "Well, obviously, you weren't going to. They needed to know that that dead woman was Orson's mistress."
Bree: "I told you that in confidence."
Susan: "Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day..."
Ian: "The other day? You, you saw Mike?"
Susan: "Yeah. I--just to tell him about the lawyer. I know that Mike is innocent."
Bree: "Right, just like you knew she was dead."
Ian: "I thought we had an agreement."
Susan: "We do. Can we talk about this later?"
Ian: "When? After your next conjugal visit?"

Ian leaves the room. Susan rushes after him.

Susan: "Ian. Wait!"
Bree: "Boy, when it comes to Mike, there's no one you won't betray."
Susan: "Excuse me?"
Lynette: "Hey, guys..."
Bree: "Please leave my house."
Gabrielle: "Bree!"
Bree: "You heard me. Get out!"
Susan: "Okay, Bree, I know you're angry, but for the sake of our friendship--"
Bree: "Oh, make no mistake, our friendship is over."

Susan and Bree go in separate directions.

Lynette: "Okay. You go..."
Gabrielle: "Okay."

Gabrielle goes after Susan and Lynette goes after Bree. Everyone has left the room except for Tom and Alma, who are still sitting at the table.

Tom: "So, Winnipeg. Must get pretty cold up there."

In the other room, Ian grabs his coat. Susan blocks the entrance to leave.

Ian: "I'm just getting my coat."
Susan: "Ian, please, I just lost one of my best friends. I can't lose you, too."
Ian: "You said that you wouldn't see him again."
Susan: "But you had to know that I would go one more time to just explain everything."
Ian: "Actually, no, I didn't."
Susan: "Well, that's just crazy! Why are you acting like a crazy person?"
Ian: "Because you've already left me once for this--this guy!"
Susan: "Things are different now! I-I love you! You--you don't have to worry about that anymore. God, if we're gonna make this relationship work then you have to trust me and why are you smiling at me?"
Ian: "You just said that you love me."
Susan: "Yeah? So?"
Ian: "Well, you've never said that before."
Susan: "Yes, I have."
Ian: "No. I-I-I would've remembered."
Susan: "Well, I'm saying it now. I love you. Do you have a problem with that?
Ian: "No, ma'am."

He leans in and kisses her.

Susan: "You--you--you can't kiss me now. I'm yelling at you."
Ian: "Well, I'm listening."

He moves around behind her and begins kissing the back of her neck.

Susan: "Well...don't--don't think that you can get out of this, you know, by just...oh, god. Oh, yeah, uh, oh, yeah, right--right there. Oh, right there."

Austin's Room

Austin is lying on his back in his bed. A woman's arm is draped over his chest, the rest of her hidden from view.

Austin: "Look, I think we should stop doing this. I know it's my idea, but it just doesn't feel right anymore."

The woman lifts her head and it's Danielle.

Danielle: "So you slept with Julie. It's no big deal."
Austin: "Well, it is to her and I don't want to see her get hurt."
Danielle: "Me, either. So let's just not tell her."

She begins kissing his face.

Empty House

Edie is showing Paul Young's old house to a prospective buyer who's out of sight.

Edie: "There's no place in Fairview that's more peaceful. All the floors are hardwood. Oh, there are brand-new appliances. And the gardens are...well, they're beautiful. So...what do you think?"

She turns to the buyer and it's Alma.

Alma: "I'll take it."
Edie: "Really? That's terrific! I'll draw up the papers in the morning."

Alma goes to look out the window.

Edie: "If you don't mind me asking, why were you so interested in this particular street?"
Alma: "I've been moving around a lot in the last few months, and I need a place where I can really settle down. You know what I mean? I wanna live in a place where children know how to behave, where people still have some sense of moral value, and where friendships are good and strong and last forever. That's what I'm looking for.
Edie: "Then I think Wisteria Lane is the place for you."
Alma: "Good. More than anything, I just wanna fit in."

She continues to watch the activities of the neighborhood through the window.

"Oh, you will, Alma. You absolutely will."

~ The End ~

This transcript was compiled and completed on July 14, 2007 by Amanda (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com).
Last Update: July 14, 2007

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