Mary Alice: "Susan Mayer had never thought of herself as Cinderella, but then one day, a prince showed up. And Susan realized her life had become a fairy tale. And since her prince had welcomed her into his castle, she felt the least she could do was thank him again and again and again. The next morning, however, Susan discovered castles don't run themselves. Yes, Susan's life had indeed become a fairy tale. And what's a fairy tale without a dragon to slay?"

---

Mary Alice: "We know dangerous men walk among us. What we can't be sure of is who they are or where they hide. So the most we can offer any stranger is reasonable doubt. But once the doubt is gone, people are anything but reasonable."

Cop: "Here's what's odd...if your neighbor had something to hide, why'd he invite you in to see all of his stuff?"
Lynette: "He wasn't technically home when I went inside."
Cop: "So you broke in?"
Lynette: "The door was open...I was bringing him a cake."
Cop: "A cake?"
Lynette: "It was a thank you cake. He sort of saved my life."
Tom: "She didn't know that he was a pedophile when she baked the actual cake."

Tom: "Look, I'm sorry. She's been under a lot of stress, hasn't slept well."
Lynette (from the other room): "You better not be apologizing for me!"
Tom: "Gotta go."

Gabrielle: "Well, I hope it's more fabulous than this dress. I look like something Ike Turner would hit."
Vern: "You're gonna have to find yourself another personal shopper."
Gabrielle: "What, I slam one dress, and you quit on me?"

Gabrielle: "Beauty by Vern. You're opening up a salon? God, could you get any gayer?"
Vern: "It's a consulting firm for beauty pageant contestants.
Gabrielle: "And the answer's yes."

Vern: "You have been in rare bitch form. It's been months now, so don't blame it on your cycle."
Gabrielle: "Don't call me a bitch, and stop tracking my cycle. I told you that freaks me out."

Ian: "Do you think we'll be here that often?"
Susan: "Your shower has six power nozzles. With or without you, I'll be back."

Orson: "Yes, she's threatening to make us miserable till we cave. Look, at least see if Edie has any cheap listings. We'll be happier, my mother will be happier..."
Bree: "Yeah, and she'll take terrible care of herself and be dead in a year."
Orson: "You just stole my next argument."

Vern: "Not everyone wins the genetic lottery like you did. These girls need help finding the promised land of beauty and style. Please, Gabrielle, be their Moses."
Gabrielle: "Good comparison, because it's gonna take a miracle to turn these mutts into show dogs."

Isabel: "I was walking!"
Gabrielle: "You were totally walking! Good job! All right, Donna, you're next. Get up there and make me hate your beauty."

Edie: "Let's try to be positive, people. Fabulous location. Just walking distance to all sorts of fun shops. "
Bree: "Right, from here I can see a bail bondsman and an adult bookshop."
Edie: "What do you expect in your price range? Tara?"

Bree: "You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood. It's filled with junkies and whores."
Orson: "And we'll owe them all an apology, but who cares? She likes it."

Susan: "What is that smell?"
Rupert: "Oh, yes, about that. The cat passed away in this room."
Susan: "Did you consider removing the body?"

Mary Alice: "Dangerous men walk among us, and we can't always be sure of who they are or what secrets they hide. But once our worst suspicions are confirmed, we can take action. Once their agendas are revealed...we can take steps, to protect ourselves, and those we love. Yes, dangerous men can cause great harm. But sometimes the greatest danger they pose is to themselves."