Mary Alice: "Orson Hodge dreamed of the perfect honeymoon. Indeed, he’d begun planning it the moment Bree Van de Kamp agreed to marry him. They’d start by flying first class to an exclusive five star hotel where they’d spend their days relaxing by the pool and their nights making love. And when they returned home, their perfect honeymoon would continue forever. It was at this moment that Orson realized that the honeymoon was over. In more ways than one."

---

Orson: "Bree, what’s the matter?"
Bree: "A reporter just did a story on homeless teens and my son was one of them."
Orson: "Oh, my god! Well, we’ll call child welfare the minute we get to the resort."
Bree: "Orson, you can’t imagine that we're still going!"
Orson: "Darling, the tickets are non-refundable."
Bree: "My son is eating out of dumpsters!"
Orson: "Well, yes! But think how much better you’ll be able to deal with this crisis after a nice relaxing..."

---

Susan: "So that’s my number in case there's any change in Mike’s condition. I’m going to the mountains with a friend. And, uh, just in case you were wondering, it’s strictly platonic."
Julie: "He wasn’t wondering."

---

Bree: "All she could tell me is what neighborhood they found him in. hey don’t have any contact information, no phone number, no address."
Orson: "Well, dear, if he had an address, he wouldn’t be homeless."

---

Orson: "I don’t want there to be any secrets between us."
Bree: "There won’t be, not anymore."
Danielle: "You know, Andrew is not the only one having a rough year. I’m the one whose boyfriend got shot right in front of her."
Bree (to Orson): "We’ll talk in the car."

---

Lynette: "God, I hate my life."
Gabrielle: "I know. I wouldn’t trade with you for anything."

---

Ian: "You know, how many men have you been with?"
Susan: "Ian."
Ian: "Oh, I'm sorry. That was rude. I withdraw the question."
Susan: "It's not that it's rude. It's just immaterial. I mean, it's just a number. It doesn't mean anything."
Ian: "Seeing as it doesn't mean anything..."
Susan: "Ian!"
Ian: "Well, you know my number. It's only fair. Is it more than three?"
Susan: "Nine."
Ian: "Please tell me you were answering in German."
Susan: "Nine lovers is not a lot! Nine lovers does not make me a slut!"
Ian: "Why are you getting upset?"
Susan: "Because it was really eleven and I knocked off two and you're still judging me."
Ian: "I'm not judging you. It's just did you work in the recording industry?"
Susan: "Okay, just so you know eleven is not a lot for a woman my age."
Ian: "How old are you?"
Susan: "What is this, the Gallup Poll?"

---

Austin: "Oh, what's your project?"
Julie: "Oh, uh, it's complicated."
Austin: "You think I'm too dumb to understand your little science project?"
Julie: "It's not little. I finished third in the state twice. Now can you fix the fuse box or not?"
Austin: "Most houses built after nineteen ninety are wired through a circuit breaker. You didn't blow a fuse. You tripped a breaker. Not to challenge a two-time state science fair almost-champion or anything. Let me grab a flashlight."
Julie: "Maybe you could also grab a shirt and some pants. Pants would be nice."

---

Ian: "Susan, can I come in?"
Susan: "I'm with a client. Take a number."

---

Ian: "You think I am? Well, I assure you, I'm as capable of having meaningless sex as you are."
Susan: "I have never had meaningless sex."
Ian: "So you were, you were passionately in love, and deeply committed to all eleven of your conquests?"
Susan: "Don't judge me, Mr. Virgin plus one!"

---

Mary Alice: "We all carry something with us. Of course, it's nice if we travel with someone who can help lighten the load. But usually, it's easier to just drop what we've been carrying so we can get home that much sooner assuming, of course, there will be someone there to greet us when we arrive. Why do we clutch at this baggage, even when we're desperate to move on? Because we all know there's a chance we might let go too soon."