Mary Alice: "Brides are sensitive creatures. And no one knows this better than the bridesmaids who have to deal with them. But the one area where bridesmaids' tact is most required involves the dress she's required to wear. Yes, a bridesmaid can question many of the bride's choices, but the groom isn't one of them."

---

Gabrielle: "You heard me. And I want the bedroom stereo. want the marble console and that painting of Saint Augustine."
Carlos: "You don't even know who he is!"
Gabrielle: "I know he matches the drapes!"

---

Gabrielle: "Stop eating my fries!"
Carlos: "I'm hungry."
Gabrielle: "You know what the doctor said." (to Mr. Portsmith) "You should see his cholesterol. This man bleeds bacon grease."
Mr. Portsmith: "Enough! You two are gonna have to find a way to deal with each other because you are about to bring a child into this world. And divorced or not, once that child arrives, you will be bound together for as long as you live."
Gabrielle: "Well, in that case, have some more fries."

---

Renee: "Hello, I'm Renee, and this is my husband, Jeff."
Susan: "Susan Mayer."
Ian: "Doctor! Doctor Susan Mayer. She's new to Jane's neurology team."
Renee: "Oh, I just assumed you worked in Ian's publishing house."
Susan: "Well, yes, and how nice that would have been, huh? Um, but, no, no, I'm a brain specialist."

---

Susan: "Uh, well, I, it just, wow. I hear my phone vibrating." (into her phone) "Hello, Dr. Mayer. Yeah, what? You say that his brain shut off? Oh, I'll be right there, um, stat!" (hangs up) "I'm sorry, duty calls."

---

Nora: "I'm like, whoa, get a load of Mr. Two Strikes trying to tell me how to act in public. And then he called me a whore! We're done."
Lynette: "Okay, whoa, whoa, take a deep breath. You don't wanna break up with a guy because, in a weak moment, he calls you a whore."
Nora: "And then on the way out, he threatened to hit me."
Lynette: "Okay, but he didn't, he didn't, and you know until..."
Nora: "Oh jeez, Lynette, whose side are you on?"
Lynette: "I'm on the side of love. You guys seem like such a perfect couple."
Nora: "I know."
Lynette: "I just, I, I, you know, you don't wanna throw that all away 'cause of a little fight with no hitting."

---

Edie: "Oh, wait. You're eighteen, right?"
Austin: "Well, that's what my ID says."
Edie: "Yeah, mine too."

---

Austin: "What, you're not a music fan?"
Julie: "Sure, it's just, um, got anything where a pimp isn't beating his ho."

---

Tom: "No, Jerry Rawlings, not Jerry Rawlings! She gets her psycho hooks into Jerry Rawlings, he will never speak to me again."
Lynette: "Oh, there are other urologists in the world. Go back to that other guy."
Tom: "The one with the cold hands?"
Lynette: "Oh, it's once a year. Suck it up."

---

Bree: "He did not hack her up and dissolve the pieces in acid."
Gabrielle: "I said it was a theory."

---

Lynette: "Um. How about Steve? You know what? I hear his family has money."
Nora: "Well, then maybe they could all chip in and buy him some deodorant,"

---

Gabrielle: "Okay, here's the drill. My ex is here and I want to piss him off so just act like you're all hot for me and there's a hundred buck tip in it for you."
Tad: "Right, uh, so should I cup your boob?"
Gabrielle: "No, I'll drive."

---

Tom: "Hey, they mopped up all the amniotic fluid so we should feel safe to start the Conga line!"

---

Carlos: "Man, I got to get the color fixed on this thing."

---

Mary Alice: "Have you met the perfect couple? The two soul mates whose love never dies? The two lovers whose relationship is never threatened. The husband and wife who trust each other completely. If you haven't met the perfect couple, let me introduce you. They stand atop a layer of butter cream frosting. The secret of their success? Well, for starters, they don't have to look at each other."