Mary Alice: "It doesn't rain very often in the town of Fairview, but when it does, it pours. It was on just such a day that Bree Van de Kamp went on her first date with her new friend, Orson Hodge. A date that ended with a kiss in the rain. Gabrielle Solis was conferring with her new divorce lawyer and describing in vivid detail her husband's affair with their maid who also happened to be their surrogate. Meanwhile, Lynette Scavo was busy meeting her husband's illegitimate daughter while resisting the urge to strangle the girl's mother. This happened just after Susan Mayer learned Mike Delfino had been badly injured in a hit and run accident and was now in a coma at Fairview Memorial Hospital. At that same moment, Edie Britt was putting up a For Sale sign on the lawn of the house where I once lived. Edie had also planned to spruce up the property by washing down the driveway, but she was pleased to see the rain had already taken care of that. This is what rainy days are good for. They make everything clean again. Which is necessary on a street like Wisteria Lane where everything can get so messy."

---

Tom: "She sat down so quickly, I didn't know what to say."
Lynette: "How about, 'you're in the frame, bitch, move.'"

---

Xiao-Mei: "You are meanest person I know."
Gabrielle: "I am THE meanest person. You've been in the country a year. Modify your nouns, damn it."
Xiao-Mei: "What. A. Bitch."

---

Xiao-Mei: "But you promised to get me apartment in Chinatown, so I can work for my friend in restaurant. Start a new life."
Gabrielle: "Tell it to my Chinese friend, Sue Me!"

---

Ian: "I noticed you are always rushing into the hall to check the time, so I, um, well, I bought you this."
Susan: "Oh, wow. Um, I, I can't accept this. This is too extravagant."
Ian: "Oh, no it's nothing. There's a guy on the sidewalk had a bunch of them laid out on a blanket. If you check closely it says Folex."
Susan: "Ha, still I..."
Ian: "Please, it would make me so happy if you took it."
Susan: "Well, in that case, thank you for my cheap knock-off. Oh, my god, I'm late."

---

Susan: "So, you were very mysterious on the phone. Why did you want to have lunch?"
Bree: "Well, um, I wanted to invite you to a dinner that Orson and I are having this Saturday."
Susan: "So you asked us to a meal to announce another meal? That's so Bree of you."

---

Lynette: "What are you being so coy about?"
Bree: "I'm not being coy."
Lynette: "She said coyly."

---

Gabrielle: "But you're gonna get married. You wouldn't buy a car without at least taking it for a little test drive. It's not like you've never slept with a guy you weren't married to."
Bree: "True, I have in the past, given myself away too freely. How charming of you to bring that up while I'm announcing my engagement. But I'd like to think that I have learned from my mistakes. So the dinner is at eight o'clock and when we make the announcement, please, everybody look surprised."
Gabrielle: "Oh, don't worry, I'm just gonna replay the look I had when I found out you hadn't banged him yet."

---

Lynette: "So what are you saying? You're more afraid of Nora than you are of me?"
Tom: "Is that what you think I meant, because that is so not what I meant. You scare the hell out of me, baby."
Lynette: "Thank you."

---

Susan: "The coffee machine was broken, so I got us a couple of smoothies. They had strawberry and strawberry."
Ian: "Well, I hate strawberry, so give me the strawberry."

---

Carlos: "I can't believe you lost our baby!"
Gabrielle: "I did not lose our baby. Stop saying that! I know exactly where it is. Inside some crazy Chinese woman. Who also stole half a chicken from my fridge!"

---

Li: "Xiao-Mei called me. She said you threatened to send her back to China to work as a slave in a rice patty!"
Gabrielle: "I may have mentioned deportation, but I didn't think she'd take it personally."
Carlos: "Are you crazy?"
Gabrielle: "It was banter! I mean, has this country come to the point where you can't joke with the help?"

---

Doctor: "Ms. Van de Kamp, I think you may have had an orgasm."
Bree: "No, no, no. I've had orgasms before."
Doctor: "Hm. How would you describe them?"
Bree: "Oh you know, that warm sensation, that tingling feeling of relief when it's over. No, no, this was much..."
Doctor: "Better?"
Bree: "Yes,"
Doctor: "That's 'cause it was an orgasm."
Bree: "Oh. Well, I'll be darned."

---

Mary Alice: "Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning, everything will be made clean again. And even the most troubling stains will have disappeared. Like the doubts over his innocence or the consequence of his mistake. Like the scars of his betrayal or the memory of his kiss. So we wait for the storm to pass hoping for the best even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away."