Ultimate Desperate Housewives

Episode 02.23 - "Remember"

Mary Alice: "It’s a fact of life in every neighborhood. People move in and people move out. Although very few of them pack up and leave at two o'clock in the morning. But it wasn’t the first time that Betty Applewhite had tried to leave in the middle of the night. It had happened once before in Chicago. The same night one of her sons tried to break up with his girlfriend. A young woman named Melanie Foster. Yes, a year had come and gone since the Applewhite’s had left Chicago. And Betty thought they could again slip away in the middle of the night. But as she soon discovered, it's not that easy to slip away in the suburbs. Because in suburbia, once the neighbors hear you are going, they all insist on showing up to say goodbye."

Mary Alice: "Everyone must choose the road they will take in life. And for a special few, that road would lead to Wisteria Lane. They all arrived the exact same way. Driving up in their overloaded trucks, bringing with them their expensive antiques and ordinary dreams. I remember the first moment I saw each of them. I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. She seems so delightfully confident, I couldn’t help but feel intimidated. That feeling quickly passed."

Susan: "Oh help! Can anybody hear me? Julie? I need you to try to unlock the door. Oh, what am I saying, she's two. Okay, I need you to unbuckle yourself and try to find a neighbor. But don’t cross the street! Just tell the neighbor that your mommy’s stuck in a big truck!"

Julie: "So, is there anything you should prepare me for?"
Susan: "No, no. It's all good. Oh, but you should know that your bed doubles as the dining table, and the toilet's in the shower."

Carlos: "Oh, would you look at this crap? He has been doing that all day."
Gabrielle: "Ralph has a little crush. So?"
Carlos: "So, can't I get a gardener who isn't trying to sleep with someone in my house?"
Gabrielle: "You pay six bucks an hour. It's all about the perks, honey."

Mary Alice: "I met Bree Van de Kamp the first day she moved to Wisteria Lane. There are certain people, who, when you meet them, can't help but make a delightful first impression. Bree was not one of them."

Bree: "Hello. I'm Bree Van de Kamp, your new neighbor. Is this your frog?"
Mary Alice: "Yes. Why?"
Bree: "Well, it seems that my son stole it from your yard."
Mary Alice: "Oh, well, I don't mind. If he likes it so much, he's welcome to keep it."
Bree: "Well, don't tell him that. If he doesn't feel guilty he'll never learn shame."

Bree: "This is my husband, Rex."
Rex: "Hi. We're not weird. We just seem like we are."

Susan: "So I can't believe you caught me spraying for ants. I must look like a wreck."
Mike: "Actually, you look kinda sexy."
Susan: "You've gotta be kidding."
Mike: "No, the way you're taking charge, it's impressive."
Susan: "They're just ants, and they're tiny. Of course, they do outnumber me."

Mary Alice: "We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved onto Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend, mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy."

Lynette: "Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you, and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career. You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular."
Tom: "Lynette, we've just met these people."
Lynette: "Then, then you go in for an ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats. Then, and only then, does your husband tell you that twins run in his family."
Tom: "I didn't think it was that big a deal!"
Lynette: "Your family had eight sets of twins over three generations, not to mention your relatives in Kentucky with triplets! Triplets! So I ask you, do I not deserve to punish this man severely?"
Susan: "Well, actually, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother."
Lynette: "What are you, a scientist?"
Susan: "No. No, I write children's books."

Mary Alice: "We met Gabrielle Solis the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. We were all excited to get a glimpse of a successful New York model. We saw more than we bargained for."

Gabrielle: "You were a virgin?"
John: "So, it didn't show?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, no. No, I mean, I guess it was, well, weird when you started naming the American presidents in order."
John: "Yeah, I wish you hadn't heard that. I was just trying to..."
Gabrielle: "No, no, you were good. Just, if it comes up in school, Paul Revere was never a president."

Lynette: "I said I wanted Penny."
Tom: "Oh, Lynette."
Lynette: "Eight hours of grueling labor."
Tom: "It's not fair. "
Lynette: "Neither are stretch marks, but what are you gonna do?"
Tom: "I've only known one Penny in my whole life, and she was a slut."
Lynette: "Isn't your aunt named Penny?"
Tom: "Yeah, that's her."

Susan: "So, I've got everything ready to go: flowers, candles, Elvis Costello CD all cued up."
Gabrielle: "But who has the ring?"
Susan: "He does."
Gabrielle: "So, wait, you're gonna get down on one knee, pop the question, and while you're down there, dig in his pocket?
Lynette: "What if you pull out his key chain?"
Susan: "Then I'm gonna have to find a way to force it on my finger."

Mary Alice: "This is the street where I used to live and these were the people with whom I shared my life. I met them the day they moved in. And I saw what they brought with them. Beautiful dreams for the future. And quiet hopes for a better life. Not just for themselves, but for their children, too. If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead? Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled. The trip is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon. Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming, but that's really the point. Don't you think?"