This was typed by Lucy, foxhidden, and Amanda, mere humans, and mistakes are possible. If you find any, no matter how trivial, please let me know. (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)

In the interest of finishing the transcripts faster, screen caps will no longer be placed on the transcripts. You can find screen caps at the following websites:
Desperate Housewives
Wisteria Lane
The Suburbs
Desperate Housewives

If you know of any other screen caps sites, please e-mail them to me: (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)

Guest stars
"Andrew Van de Kamp" - Shawn Pyfrom
"Danielle Van de Kamp" - Joy Lauren
"Matthew Applewhite" - Mehcad Brooks
"Preston Scavo" - Brent Kinsman
"Porter Scavo" - Shane Kinsman
"Parker Scavo" - Zane Huett
"Caleb" - Nashawn Kearse
"Xiao-Mei" - Gwendoline Yeo
"Noah Taylor" - Bob Gunton
"Dr. Barr" - William Atherton
"Nora" - Kiersten Warrn
"Mrs. McCluskey" - Kathryn Joosten
"Amanda" - Julie White
"Melanie Foster" - Joy Bisco
"Sally" - Melanie Chartoff
"Detective Fallon" - James Shanklin
"Ralph the Gardener" - Alejandro Patino
"Doctor" - Dougald Park
"Orderly" - Eric Leviton
"Clerk" - Brian Carpenter
"Cop at Applewhites" - Jamie McBride
"Zach's Lawyer" - Howard S. Miller
"Stan" - John Callahan
"On Site TV Reporter" - Craig Tsuyumine
"Young Andrew" - Hunter Allan
"Young Danielle" - Savannah McDermott

Special Guest Stars
"George Williams" - Roger Bart
"Rex Van De Kamp" - Steven Culp
"Orson" - Kyle MacLachlan
"John Rowland" - Jesse Metcalfe

Teleplay by: Marc Cherry & Jenna Bans
Story by: Tom Spezialy & Alexandra Cunningham
Directed by: Larry Shaw

Outside Betty's House - Nighttime

Self-moving van parked in front.

"It’s a fact of life in every neighborhood. People move in and people move out. Although very few of them pack up and leave at two o'clock in the morning."

Betty's House

The living room is almost empty of furniture. Betty continues packing.

"But it wasn’t the first time that Betty Applewhite had tried to leave in the middle of the night. It had happened once before in Chicago."

Betty sits down to play the piano.

"The same night one of her sons tried to break up with his girlfriend."

Flashback - 1 Year Ago - Chicago

Betty is playing the piano.

"A young woman named Melanie Foster."

Matthew and Melanie arguing in the hall.

Melanie: "Are you kidding? You cannot dump me! I do not get dumped! If anyone is getting dumped here, it’s you!"
Matthew: "However you want to spin it is fine, okay? I just want out!"
Melanie: "What the..."
Matthew: "I just want out!"
Melanie: "Okay, Matthew. Maybe I am a bitch some times, but there are advantages to dating someone like me. And I know that you know what I’m talking about."
Matthew: "Melanie, my mother is in the other room. Are you crazy?"

Betty is still playing the piano and can hear everything Matthew and Melanie are saying. Caleb is also in the room with his mother and can hear the argument.

Melanie: "Clearly we can’t have a serious discussion here. Why don’t you meet me at the lumber yard at nine?"
Matthew: "Melanie!"
Melanie: "Huh?"
Matthew: "It’s over."
Melanie: "Well, even more reason for you to show up. No one can say goodbye better than I do."

Melanie leaves and Matthew walks away from the living room. Caleb comes out of the living room and stares at the front door, then turns and looks at the flowers on the top of the piano.

Lumbar Yard - Nighttime

Melanie is hiding behind stacks of lumber. Someone is approaching, so she steps out.

Melanie: "Well, it’s about time. Caleb! What are you doing here? Where’s Matthew?"
Caleb (holding flowers): "I got here first. I know a short cut."
Melanie: "Does Matthew know that you’re here?"
Caleb: "No, he doesn’t want to be with you anymore."
Melanie: "What does that have to do with you?"
Caleb: "See, I thought, maybe I could be your boyfriend now."
Melanie: "What?"
Caleb: "I love you."
Melanie: "Oh, god, please, tell me someone put you up to this! No? 'Cause if you’re serious, it’s too pathetic."

Caleb tries to kiss her. She hits him.

Melanie: "What the hell are you doing?"

Caleb grabs her again. They struggle.

Melanie: "Get off of me, you freak!"

Melanie grabs a board and hits Caleb several times. He grabs the board and strikes her. She falls to the ground. Caleb drops the board and leans over her.

Caleb: "Melanie?"

He touches her face and gets blood on his hands. He wipes his hands on his t-shirt and runs off.

Betty's House

Caleb runs in, breathing hard. Betty sees him with blood all over his shirt.

Present Day - Nighttime

Betty’s leads Caleb out of the living room.

"Yes, a year had come and gone since the Applewhite’s had left Chicago. And Betty thought they could again slip away in the middle of the night."

Betty and Caleb walk out of the house.

Caleb: "Once we move, how’s Matty gonna find us?"
Betty: "Caleb, I think it’s just gonna be you and me from now on."

Sirens blare. Betty turns and sees several police cars pull in front of her house. Police officers with guns drawn get out of the car.

Police Officer: "Let’s see your hands! Get your hands up!"

"But as she soon discovered, it's not that easy to slip away in the suburbs. Because in suburbia..."

Betty is put into the police car. All the neighbors are standing around, watching.

"...once the neighbors hear you are going, they all insist on showing up to say goodbye."

Opening Credits

Flashback - Wisteria Lane - Daytime

"Everyone must choose the road they will take in life. And for a special few, that road would lead to Wisteria Lane."

A moving van pulls up in front of Bree’s home.

"They all arrived the exact same way. Driving up in their overloaded trucks..."

A moving truck is in front of Gabrielle’s house.

"...bringing with them their expensive antiques and ordinary dreams."

Flashback - Mary Alice's House

A young Mary Alice peeks out the window.

"I remember the first moment I saw each of them."

Flashback - 14 Years Ago - Outside Susan's House

A young Susan is leaning over a young Julie in a stroller.

"I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane."

Susan: "Ah. Okay, break times over."

"She seems so delightfully confident, I couldn’t help but feel intimidated."

Susan gets into the back of the rent-a-truck van. She trips and grabs onto the door strap. The door closes and locks, trapping Susan.

Susan: "Oh, Oh."

"That feeling quickly passed."

Susan bangs on the inside door as Julie sits nicely in her stroller next to the van.

Susan: "Oh help! Can anybody hear me? Julie? I need you to try to unlock the door. Oh, what am I saying, she's two. Okay, I need you to unbuckle yourself and try to find a neighbor."

Mary Alice walks by and hears the yelling.

Susan: "But don’t cross the street! Just tell the neighbor that your mommy’s stuck in a big truck!"

The door opens up.

Susan: "Oh yes! My god, I have a genius baby!"

The door is open and Susan sees Mary Alice.

Susan: "Oh hi. I have a normal baby."
Mary Alice: "I’m Mary Alice. I live across the street."
Susan: "Susan Mayer. Thank you so much. If my husband had had to rescue me, oh, I just, I would have never heard the end of it. He thinks I’m a total klutz."
Mary Alice: "Oh, please, that's what neighbors are for. Well, welcome to Wisteria Lane. When you're finished unpacking, why don't you come over for a cup of coffee?"
Susan: "Oh, wow! I have a neighbor who just asked me over for coffee. I'm sorry. You must think I'm a lunatic."
Mary Alice: "Oh, no, no, I don't. I think you're charming. And your baby looks like a genius to me."
Susan: "Oh, she is and we're gonna be so happy here. Look at your new home!"

Present Day - Outside Susan's Burnt House - Daytime

Susan is guiding a blindfolded Julie toward their burnt house.

Julie: "You're not gonna walk me into a wall, are you?"
Susan: "Of course not, but when you see it for the first time, I want you to get the whole impact." (she removes the blindfold) "Ta-da!"

A trailer is parked in front of their house.

Susan: "Okay, now I know it's a little more cramped than we're used to, but we can't stay at Bree's forever. She's gonna be coming back from that spa vacation soon. Besides, it's gonna be fun."
Julie: "Why are you doing this to me? I get good grades. I don't do drugs. I've never come home pregnant."
Susan: "Honey, I am trying my hardest to stand on my own two feet. All right, I've got six book proposals in the works. I'm gonna try to supervise the rebuilding of this house, but you know, I can't do it without your support. And I want you to be proud of me."
Julie: "Fine. Let's take a look inside."
Susan: "Oh, that's my girl!"
Julie: "So, is there anything you should prepare me for?"
Susan: "No, no. It's all good. Oh, but you should know that your bed doubles as the dining table, and the toilet's in the shower."

Gabrielle's House

Gabrielle: "Honey, look. I bought us matching golf outfits for our lessons tomorrow."
Carlos: "Yeah, about that. I can't go. I gotta pick up trash on the freeway."
Gabrielle: "I'm sorry?"
Carlos: "I have to do my community service. It's part of my parole, remember?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, okay, well, I'll just call the country club and cancel our lessons."
Carlos: "No, no, no. I paid already. Might as well go without me."
Gabrielle: "I don't wanna go alone. It was your idea in the first place."
Carlos: "And I'd love to be there with you, too, if I didn't have to scrape slushies and condoms off Route 57. Look, what's the big deal? Just go take the stupid lesson."
Gabrielle: "Fine, if you feel that way about it."
Carlos: "Hey, I'm sorry. All right, I’m just a little on edge today."

Carlos looks out on the front porch. Xiao-Mei is bending over working while Ralph the gardener stares at her.

Carlos: "Oh, would you look at this crap? He has been doing that all day."
Gabrielle: "Ralph has a little crush. So?"
Carlos: "So, can't I get a gardener who isn't trying to sleep with someone in my house?"
Gabrielle: "You pay six bucks an hour. It's all about the perks, honey."

Outside Susan's House

Susan is washing the trailer when Tom approaches.

Tom: "Susan, have you talked to Lynette?"
Susan: "Um, no. Have you tried her cell?"
Tom: "Yeah, she isn't picking up. Do you know where she is?"
Susan: "Uh, no, I'm sorry."
Tom: "Susan, I think you do."
Susan: "I really don't, Tom. Is everything okay?"
Tom: "Yeah. Yeah, we just had a fight. Listen, if you talk to her, will you please ask her to call me? Thank you."

Tom walks away. Susan watches to make sure he's gone, then dials her cell phone.

Hotel

Lynette is sitting poolside with Penny and answers her cell phone.

Lynette: "Hello?"
Susan: "He was just here. I think you should call him."
Lynette: "I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't."
Parker: "Mom!"
Lynette: "Yeah. Hang on. I'll call you later. Okay, bye."

Lynette hangs up.

Lynette: "Yeah?"
Parker: "When is daddy coming? I wanna show him my dive."
Lynette: "He's not coming, sweetheart. But you could show me."

Fairview Prison Visiting Room

Paul is talking to Zach through a glass partition with a phone.

Paul: "You have to talk to Noah."
Zach: "But he creeps me out."
Paul: "Who cares? This is my life we're talking about. I need a big-time lawyer in my corner and where else are we gonna get that kind of money?"
Zach: "Noah's not gonna give me a dime if he knows it's for you. He hates your guts."
Paul: "Tell him it's for you. Tell him you want a car. Tell him you're ready for him to buy your love. Trust me, dying men are nothing if not sentimental."
Zach: "Why do you need so much, anyway? I thought only guilty men needed expensive lawyers."
Paul: "Felicia has obviously been planning this for months. Who knows what other kind of evidence she's planted? With my luck, they'll open up the Martha Huber murder again, try to nail me with some D.N.A."
Zach: "You swore to me that you had nothing to do with that."
Paul: "I didn't. Look, why are we arguing? I'm your father. Do what I'm telling you to do."
Zach: "You're not my real father."
Paul: "You ungrateful little...I rescued you from that miserable junkie. I give you a home, a life worth living, and now you’re making me beg for one lousy little favor. I need the money, Zach. If you won't do it for me, at least do it for your mother. After all, she killed herself trying to protect you."

Zach hangs up the phone.

Flashback - 12 Years Ago - Outside Bree's House - Daytime

Movers are unloading furniture into Bree’s house.

"I met Bree Van de Kamp the first day she moved to Wisteria Lane. There are certain people, who, when you meet them, can't help but make a delightful first impression."

A younger Bree knocks on Mary Alice’s door. Mary Alice opens the door and Bree holds up a ceramic frog.

Bree: "Hello. I'm Bree Van de Kamp, your new neighbor. Is this your frog?"

"Bree was not one of them."

Mary Alice: "Yes. Why?"
Bree: "Well, it seems that my son stole it from your yard."
Mary Alice: "Oh, well, I don't mind. If he likes it so much, he's welcome to keep it."
Bree: "Well, don't tell him that. If he doesn't feel guilty he'll never learn shame."

A younger Susan comes to the door.

Susan: "Hey, what's going on?"
Mary Alice: "Oh, um, this is our new neighbor. It seems her son accidentally took my garden frog."
Susan: "Oh."
Bree: "Please don't make excuses for him. That is exactly what his father does. Rex!"

A younger Rex and young Andrew walk up.

Bree: "This is my husband, Rex."
Rex: "Hi. We're not weird. We just seem like we are."
Bree: "And this is my son, the criminal. Go on."
Young Andrew: "I'm sorry I stole from you. Just so you know, my mom did teach me right from wrong, so my actions should in no way influence your opinion of her as a parent."
Susan: "Wow."
Bree: "Well, is there anything you'd like to say to my son?"
Rex: "Feel free to be harsh."
Mary Alice: "Um, no, I'm, I'm good."
Bree: "Well, now that we've finished with all this unpleasantness, I want to assure you that we are going to be good neighbors, and I hope in time, great friends."
Mary Alice: "That sounds lovely."
Bree (to Andrew): "Come on."
Mary Alice: "Oh, wait. I'm, I'm sorry. It was Rex, Andrew and what was your name again?"

Present Day - Fairview Meadows Psychiatric Hospital

Orson: "Bree?"
Bree: "What?"
Orson: "You're Bree Van de Kamp, right?"
Bree: "Do I know you?"
Orson: "Orson Hodge. Uh, Susan's dentist friend. We met after her house burned down."
Bree: "Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't recognize you."
Orson: "Small world, huh?"
Bree: "Yes. uh, excruciatingly so."
Orson: "Ah."
Bree: "What are you doing here?"
Orson: "Well, three or four times a week, I visit my, my friend. What about you?"
Bree: "Oh, I just thought it would be a lovely place to take a nice, long rest."
Orson: "Oh."
Bree: "Um, listen, I told my friends that I was, um, I was at a spa, so if you run into Susan, I-"
Orson: "Your secret is safe."
Bree: "And seriously, I am not like these other people."
Orson: "Oh, I can tell. A real lady always stands out in a crowd."
Bree: "Well, that was very sweet."
Orson: "Enjoy your rest, Bree Van de Kamp."

Orson walks away and sits next to his lady friend who stares out of the window.

Lady Inmate: "Boy, do I feel for you. Trying to convince your friends that you're still normal and you're surrounded by a bunch of loons."
Bree: "You, too?"
Lady Inmate: "Oh, please. Dr. Barr goes out of his way to make me feel like a complete psychopath. I think he's crazier than the patients, actually."
Bree: "You know that, um, that woman in the wheelchair? What's her story?"
Lady Inmate: "Yeah, she's a kooky one. She hasn't spoken a word since she got here. She just sits there all day long waiting for your friend to come and visit. He talks to her for hours, but I don't even think she can hear him."

Susan's Trailer

Susan comes outside, spraying bug spray as Mike walks up with two cups of coffee.

Susan: "Oh, hi."
Mike: "You said to stop by for coffee sometime. I got coffee."

Later, they sit on some chairs outside the trailer.

Susan: "So I can't believe you caught me spraying for ants. I must look like a wreck."
Mike: "Actually, you look kinda sexy."
Susan: "You've gotta be kidding."
Mike: "No, the way you're taking charge, it's impressive."
Susan: "They're just ants, and they're tiny. Of course, they do outnumber me."
Mike: "No, you said you wanted to handle things yourself and you're making it happen. It's good to see."
Susan: "Thanks."
Mike: "Even if it does mean you're not in the market for a relationship right now."
Susan: "Oh, did I say that?"
Mike: "You certainly implied it."
Susan: "Well, sometimes I say things I don't mean. I blame it on my frequent exposure to ant spray."

Karl walks up.

Karl: "What the hell is this?"
Susan: "Karl, what do you want?"
Karl: "Well, I can't believe you're forcing our daughter to live in a house with wheels. I think we need to talk about this."
Susan: "Okay, it's temporary, and if you don't mind, I'm having coffee."
Mike: "Oh, it's okay, Susan."
Karl: "Hey, sorry. I don't mean to chase you out, buddy, but, uh, this is really a family thing."
Mike: "No, no, I understand."
Karl: "Cool."

Mike leans over and kisses Susan passionately.

Susan: "Mmmm."
Mike: "I'll call you later."

Fairview Country Club Bar

Golf Pro: "You've got a great swing. You just need a little help around the greens. You know what they say, drive for show, putt for dough. Am I right?"
Gabrielle: "That is so true."
Golf Pro: "All right. I'll see you out there."
Gabrielle: "Okay."

The pro leaves. Gabrielle sits down at the bar.

Gabrielle: "Make me something strong. I have nine more holes with that guy."

The TV above the bar is on.

Newsman: "Jim, it was just an hour ago that the road crew working here on Route 57 saw a member of their own killed by oncoming traffic. The victim was a Hispanic male in his early forties who, for years, was a prominent businessman in the area. Police aren't releasing a name until the next of kin can be notified. We, of course, will keep you updated..."

Gabrielle’s cell phone rings.

Newsman: "...on any late-breaking developments as this tragic story unfolds. Reporting live from Route 57, this is Craig Tsuyumine. Back to you."

Outside Gabrielle's House - Daytime

Gabrielle is outside her house, leaning against her car. She is in tears. Xiao-Mei comes running out, fixing her hair.

Xiao-Mei: "Mrs. Solis! Why you home?"
Gabrielle: "Carlos is dead, Xiao-Mei."
Xiao-Mei: "No, please don't kill him."
Gabrielle: "No, you don't understand. He's already dead. There was an accident. He's all over the highway."
Xiao-Mei: "No, he in kitchen."

Gabrielle runs inside.

Carlos: "Hey, babe. Why you home so early?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, honey! Oh, you're not dead!"
Carlos: "Who said I was dead?"
Gabrielle: "The police. They called me."
Carlos: "What are you talking about?"
Gabrielle: "Honey, they didn't know all the details, but a witness said that they saw you run into the carpool lane to pick up a lawn chair that had fallen off some truck, and then a bus hit you right in front of the road crew. Why aren't you at the road crew?"
Carlos: "I paid Ralph to go in my place. What?"
Gabrielle: "Well, Carlos, they had your name."
Carlos: "Oh, no. Poor Ralph."
Gabrielle: "Oh! Why is your back all sweaty?"
Carlos: "I was working out on the treadmill."
Gabrielle: "Barefoot?"
Carlos: "For god sakes, Gabrielle, Ralph just died, and you're worried about my feet? I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Carlos walks quickly out of the room and bumps in Xiao-Mei.

Carlos: "My fault."
Xiao-Mei: "Sorry."

Fairview Meadows Psychiatric Hospital

Bree is in Dr. Barr's office, raking a small Zen garden.

Dr. Barr: "You must find that very peaceful."
Bree: "Why would you assume that?"
Dr. Barr: "Because that's all you've been doing for three sessions. I still don't know anything about you, except that you rake in remarkably straight lines."
Bree: "Is that what you're doing, asking me all those ridiculous questions about my childhood, trying to get to know me? Well, here's a clue. I'm not crazy. I just have a few issues."
Dr. Barr: "And psychotherapy is how we help you deal with those issues. What kind of treatment did you think you were going to get?"
Bree: "Honestly, I was hoping that you'd medicate the hell out of me."
Dr. Barr: "You don't need anything stronger than what I've already prescribed for you."
Bree: "I have aspirin at home that packs more of a punch."
Dr. Barr: "It says here your husband died, you had a boyfriend who killed himself, and you suffer from alcoholism. That's a lot of trauma for one year. What about your kids?"
Bree: "Oh, they're fine. Andrew is backpacking through Europe and Danielle is away at cheerleading camp."
Dr. Barr: "What's your relationship with them like?"
Bree: "What do you mean?"
Dr. Barr: "Are you close? Do they share things with you? What do you feel about them?"
Bree: "You know, I really don't have time for this nonsense. Are you going to give me some serious drugs or not?"
Dr. Barr: "No."
Bree: "Fine. Then I'm going back to my room."
Dr. Barr: "You know, Bree, I can't force you to open up to me, but I can make it easier for you to focus on your problems."
Bree: "And how are you going to do that?
Dr. Barr: "I'm going to tell the orderlies to confiscate all your personal items."
Bree: "I committed myself voluntarily."
Dr. Barr: "When you signed those papers, I became responsible for your well-being and I will help you in any way I see fit."
Bree: "I don't need that much help because I am not like your other patients."
Dr. Barr: "Oh, sure, you are. You just don't know it yet."

Fairview Police Department Interrogation Room

Detective: "Your son confessed to murder. We've got it on tape."
Betty: "My son has the mind of a child, Detective. He'd confess to sinking the Titanic."
Detective: "This letter was sent some months ago to the Chicago police saying the person they arrested for the Melanie Foster murder was innocent. We have a hunch you wrote it."
Betty: "Really? I didn't know hunches were considered evidence in a court of law."
Detective: "They aren't, but this is. We found some of the assailant's D.N.A. on this jacket. Now all we need is a matching sample. You, by any chance, recognize the jacket?"

Betty looks at a photograph the detective put in front of her. A jacket is covering Melanie’s dead body.

Betty: "It's not Caleb's."
Detective: "You can try and deny it, but..."
Betty: "No, you don't understand. That jacket belongs to my other son."

Motel Room

Matthew is standing over a sleeping Danielle.

Flashback - Chicago Lumber Yard - Nighttime

Melanie is lying on the ground. Matthew walks up. Melanie wakes up coughing.

Later, the two of them are talking.

Melanie: "And out of nowhere, he just attacked me."
Matthew: "My brother's never been violent. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you."
Melanie: "But he did."
Matthew: "Let me just take you home."
Melanie: "This has been pretty traumatic for me. I think that you should come over for the next few days so we can talk it out."
Matthew: "We broke up, Mel. It is not my job to hold your hand."
Melanie: "Well, maybe I shouldn't go home right away. Maybe I should go to the cops first."
Matthew: "The cops?"
Melanie: "I was attacked. It's my civic duty to report it, don't you think?"
Matthew: "Mel, I just told you that Caleb did not mean to do what he did, okay? Melanie, please."
Melanie: "Screw you."
Matthew: "No, you cannot tell anybody about this!"
Melanie: "I can tell who I want! Get your hands off of me!"
Matthew: "We're talking about my brother here!"
Melanie: "Your brother is going to go to jail for the next ten years, so I say let go!"

Melanie slaps Matthew and walks away..

Matthew: "Hey, Melanie!"
Melanie: "What?"

Matthew hits her with a board. She falls.

Matthew: "You leave my family alone!"

He stands over her hitting her repeatedly. When he's done, he takes his jacket off, covers her, and runs off.

Present Day - Motel Room

Matthew is standing over a sleeping Danielle.

Flashback - 8 Years Ago - Outside Lynette's House

Bree with muffins, Susan with flowers, and Mary Alice with wine are walking up to Lynette’s house. Screaming is coming from inside.

"We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved onto Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend, mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy."

Lynette walks out yelling.

Lynette: "...playing russian roulette with my ovaries and..."
Tom: "Chill, Lynette!"

She stops when she sees the ladies.

Lynette: "Hi."
Tom: "Hi."
Mary Alice: "Hi, uh, we just wanted to come welcome you to the neighborhood."
Bree: "Um, but we could come back later."
Lynette: "Yeah. No, wait. Actually, wait. This is perfect. You know why? Because we need some impartial judges."
Tom: "Lynette..."
Lynette: "Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you, and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career. You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular."
Tom: "Lynette, we've just met these people."
Lynette: "Then, then you go in for an ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats. Then, and only then, does your husband tell you that twins run in his family."
Tom: "I didn't think it was that big a deal!"
Lynette: "Your family had eight sets of twins over three generations, not to mention your relatives in Kentucky with triplets! Triplets! So I ask you, do I not deserve to punish this man severely?"
Susan: "Well, actually, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother."
Lynette: "What are you, a scientist?"
Susan: "No. No, I write children's books."
Bree: "Um, we, uh, just came over to introduce ourselves, but we can, um, do that at another time."
Tom: "No, wait. Please stay. It's okay. We're okay. We're okay, right? Honey, we don't wanna freak out the new neighbors."
Lynette: "I'm sorry that you saw my panic attack. I won't let it happen again, especially since this is my last pregnancy."
Tom: "Right. You're the boss. I'm just your love slave."
Susan and Mary Alice: "Aw."
Lynette: "Well, don't encourage him."
Tom: "Honey, clearly, our new neighbors can sense that you have been gifted with a phenomenal husband."

Present Day - Hotel Pool

Twin: "Cannonball!"
Lynette: "Guys? Could you come here for a second? We need to have a serious talk." (the boys approach) "Okay, we have had a great vacation, but tomorrow we're going home, except we're not going to our home. We're gonna go stay with grandma."
Porter: "Is dad gonna be there?"
Lynette: "No, dad is not gonna be there, but he, he is gonna come and see you guys all the time. We are still gonna be a family. It's just we won't be living in the same place anymore. So, is there any questions you wanna ask me?"
Porter: "Can we go swimming now?"
Porter/Preston/Parker: "Yeah!"
Twin: "Cannonball!"

Downtown Fairview - Daytime

Karl is buying a newspaper when he sees Mike walking into a jewelry store. He walks in.

Karl: "Mike, what a surprise."
Mike: "Yeah. How's it goin'?"
Karl: ‘Good, good. Just came in to get a new battery for my watch. So, whatcha doin'?"
Mike: "Oh, just buying something for my grandma. It's her ninetieth birthday."
Salesman: "Here we go. This will sweep her right off her feet. It's elegant, and she can build on it for anniversaries."
Karl: "Lucky grandma.You dog. You're gonna ask Susan to marry you, aren't you?"
Mike: "I didn't say that."
Karl: "Man, I'm cool. Ss far as I'm concerned, Susan's old news, so Mazel Tov."
Mike: "I don't suppose there's any hope of you keeping your mouth shut about this, is there? I wanted to surprise her."
Karl: "Oh, trust me, brother. She'll be surprised and not just by how small that rock is."

He leaves.

Noah's House

Zach is sitting besides Noah who is connected to various tubes, machines, etc.

Zach: "Look, I, I know it's an expensive car, but I need one, so can I get the money?"
Noah: "You're a lousy liar, kid. I read the papers. I know what happened to your father. My guess is he's in the market for a fancy lawyer to get him some rich man's justice."
Zach: "Please."
Noah: "Paul Young put Deirdre in a box. My daughter. Your mother, so we're clear. I don't write checks to monsters."
Zach: "Why can't you just give me the money? You're dying. You don't need it. I do."
Noah: "Don't cry, Zach. It pisses me off."
Zach: "Well, you said all of this was gonna be mine, so when do I get it?"
Noah: "Empire is a highfalutin' word, but that's what I've built. Unfortunately, an empire can only be ruled by an iron fist and a strong gut. I wanted to give it to you, Zach, but I'm starting to have my doubts about you."
Zach: "So, what? Are you cutting me off?"
Noah: "I don't have any use for weakness. Get out."

Zach gets up, closes the door, and locks it. He then walks over to the machine that is assisting Noah with his breathing. His finger hovers over the on/off switch.

Noah: "What, are you gonna kill me? Prove you're a tough guy? See? That's why I can't give you the keys to the kingdom, kid. No balls."

Zach shuts the breathing machine off. Noah smiles, then begins to gasp for air. Zach sits down and watches Noah.

Flashback - 3 Years Ago - Outside Gabrielle's House

"We met Gabrielle Solis the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. We were all excited to get a glimpse of a successful New York model."

Bree, Lynette, Susan, and Mary Alice walk toward Gabrielle’s house.

Gabrielle's House

Susan, Mary Alice, Lynette and Bree enter Gabrielle’s house. The room is filled with cardboard boxes.

Bree: "Hello?"

"We saw more..."

Gabrielle stands up from behind the boxes. She is dressed in a bra and panties.

Gabrielle: "Hi, there."

"...than we bargained for."

Mary Alice: "I'm Mary Alice. This is Susan, uh, Lynette, and Bree."
Susan: "Welcome to the neighborhood."

Gabrielle puts on a shirt.

Gabrielle: "Well, I am Gabrielle Solis."
Lynette: "Would it be better if we came back at another time?"
Gabrielle: "Oh! No, no. I was just changing out of my sweaty clothes. I didn't realize moving was such great cardio."

Carlos walks in from the kitchen in a shirt only.

Carlos: "Hey, babe, we haven't tried it in the kitchen yet."
Gabrielle: "Honey, uh, I think it's time to unpack the pants."
Carlos: "Right. It's nice to meet you ladies."

Carlos walks out of the room.

Mary Alice: "Let me guess. Newlyweds?"
Gabrielle: "Four months, and I've dressed like this for two of 'em. He's insatiable."

Present Day - Gabrielle's House - Nighttime

Gabrielle climbs into bed next to Carlos and snuggles up to him.

Carlos: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Gabrielle: "Trying to have sex with you."
Carlos: "Now? Babe, it's kind of late."
Gabrielle: "You don't wanna have sex with me? You always wanna have sex with me. You wanted to have sex with me an hour after your hernia operation."
Carlos: "I'm a little preoccupied. A good man died today. Don't take it personally."
Gabrielle: "Xiao-Mei said the strangest thing to me when I told her you were dead. She said, 'please don't kill him.'"
Carlos: "That poor kid. Ah. We really need to get her some English lessons."

Susan's Trailer - Morning

Susan and Julie are asleep in the trailer as the engine starts up.

Susan: "Julie, what are you doing?"
Julie: "I'm trying to sleep."
Karl: "Morning, ladies."

Julie and Susan look and see Karl is behind the wheel, starting the engine.

Susan: "Karl! What are you doing?"
Karl: "I've got a little surprise planned for my girls. So, just sit back and relax. We'll be there shortly."
Susan: "No, no, no, no. No, turn my house around."
Karl: "Latté?"

Karl pulls to the curb. Susan and Julie get out.

Karl: "Out to the right, ladies. My gift to you."
Susan: "You bought us a house?"
Karl: "Let's have a look around, huh? There's three bedrooms, a gourmet kitchen for what it's worth. There's a guest house in the back that you could use as a studio. There's a pool."
Julie: "A pool? Really? Aah!"

Julie runs inside.

Susan: "What's the catch?"
Karl: "There's no catch. It's yours, Susie. Yours and Julie's. No strings attached."
Susan: "I can't accept this. I just, I gotta get out of this mess on my own."
Karl: "This is not charity. I owe you for everything I've done over the years, all the heartache I've inflicted on you. Consider it payback."

Julie comes running outside.

Julie: "Mom! There's a pool and a jacuzzi!"
Karl: "At least no one can drive off with it while you're sleeping, huh?"

Fairview Meadows Psychiatric Hospital

Bree is listening to messages on her cell phone.

Susan: "Hey, it's Susan. Just wanted you to know I let the electrician in your house. I hope you're having a great time at the spa."
Betty: "Bree, hi. it's Betty. I'm, I'm sorry to leave this on the machine, but the police have evidence that implicates Matthew in the murder of Melanie Foster. We have to find them, Bree. We have to find them and get Danielle back."

Later, Bree is walking out with her suitcase. Two guards grab her.

Bree: "You let go of me right now!"
Dr. Barr: "Hey, hey! What's going on here? "
Bree: "I am trying to leave and these morons won't let me. Do you know that you can be arrested for kidnapping for detaining someone?"
Dr. Barr: "Why do you need to leave?"
Bree: "Because my daughter is in danger."
Dr. Barr: "Something happened at cheerleading camp?"
Bree: "Okay, there's no camp. That was a fib on my part. I found out that she ran away with a boy and the boy is a murderer."
Dr. Barr: "A murderer?"
Bree: "I can tell by your tone that you don't believe me."
Dr. Barr: "Bree, let's talk about this in my office."
Bree: "I don't have time for therapy, you quack! Now let me out of here! Let go of me! You idiot! Let go of me! You know that I committed myself voluntarily! You can't do this to me! No!"

A nurse gives Bree an injection.

Dr. Barr: "Bree, please, don't struggle."
Bree: "If anything happens to my daughter, so help me, god..."
Dr. Barr: "We're only trying to help."

Bree goes limp.

Noah's Estate

Zach is standing next to the vast lake on the property.

Attorney: "Mr. Young, you'll need to come up to the house to sign some legal documents."
Zach: "What for?"
Attorney: "Noah Taylor's will called for an immediate transference of his entire estate to you upon his death."
Zach: "So, everything's mine?"
Attorney: "That's correct."

Zach’s cell phone rings.

Zach: "Hi, dad."
Paul: "So, did you have any luck with your grandfather?"
Zach: "Yeah, I talked to Noah. He's not gonna give us the money."
Paul: "Damn it, Zach!"
Zach: "Sorry?"
Paul: "Go back and talk to him."
Zach: "No, I, I don't think he's gonna change his mind."
Paul: "Terrific. Am I gonna see you tomorrow?"
Zach: "No, I, I can't come tomorrow."
Paul: "What about Monday?"
Zach: "Next week's bad for me, too. I'll, I'll call you when I know."
Paul: "Zach? Zach!"

Zach hangs up.

Attorney: "Is there anything I can do?"
Zach: "Yeah, get me a new phone with a different number. And fill in this stupid lake."

Outside Mike's House

Mike is washing his car. He walks over to Susan’s trailer, where she's loading boxes into Karl's car.

Susan: "Careful with those. It's the last of the crystal."
Julie: "Okay."
Mike: "Hey, what's going on?"
Susan: "Oh, hi. Um, we're just moving."
Karl: "Hey! It's the plumber. You come over to help Susie move into her new house?"
Mike: "New house?"
Karl: "Oh, she didn't tell you? I bought a place for my girls."
Mike: "You let him buy you a house?"
Susan: "Uh, well, he's not moving in with us."
Mike: "After that speech about wanting to go it alone, and after I offered to let you stay with me?"
Susan: "To be fair, you just had a spare room and this is a whole house."
Karl: "Hey, no offense, if you're not using your back, you're just in the way."
Mike: "You saw me buying that ring and you just had to cut me off."
Susan: "You bought me a ring?"
Karl: "Suze, let me handle this. A man's gotta protect his family."
Susan: "Uh, Mike, about that ring..."
Mike: "Put that box down."
Karl: "What, you gonna hit me, huh?"

Karl throws the box at Mike and jumps him.

Susan: "Stop it! Oh, my...what are you-just stop it! Oh, that's enough! Just get off! Get off! Go! Go!"

Karl gets off, grabs a pan, and throws it at Mike’s head.

Susan: "Oh, my god. What? Stop! That's enough. enough, enough. Back up. And that ring, that was for me, right?"
Mike: "Not now"

Karl throws a salad shooter and hits Mike in the face. Mike slugs Karl, who falls.

Susan: "Oh, my...oh! Karl, are you okay? Are you okay? Let me see. Oh, my god."
Karl: "Whew."
Susan: "Can you sit up?"
Karl: "Whew."

Mike looks at Julie and Susan fussing over Karl and leaves.

Gabrielle's House

Gabrielle: "Xiao-Mei, do you have a second? This is probably silly, but it's been bothering me. When you said, 'please don't kill him,' did you mean Carlos?"
Xiao-Mei: "Ralph dead, not Mr. Solis."
Gabrielle: "I know. It's just you said, kill, not dead and I'd have to do be pretty angry to kill someone, so I guess my question is, do I have a reason to be angry at Mr. Solis?"
Xiao-Mei: "Please, so much laundry."

Gabrielle pulls out a pair of torn panties from the laundry basket.

Gabrielle: "Xiao-Mei, how did you rip your panties?"
Xiao-Mei: "I fall down."

Fairview Hospital

Doctor: "Says here Dr. Bader examined Xiao-Mei last week, and everything was fine."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, I know. It's just, she's been having pain down there. So if you could take a peek, it'd make me feel so much better."
Doctor: "Of course."
Gabrielle: "Um, and, doctor, uh, while you're down there, could you check if she's still a virgin?"
Doctor: "I'm sorry?"
Gabrielle: "You don't even have to say it out loud. If you see hymen, just give me a thumbs up."

Doctor walks in and and begins examining Xiao-Mei. After a moment, he gives Gabrielle a "thumbs down" sign.

Hotel Room

Lynette is packing. Porter comes out of the bathroom wearing his swimming trunks.

Lynette: "What's this now?"
Porter: "I wanna swim."
Lynette: "Well, we already swam. Now it's time to pack. Hey, hey, hey! What's going on?"
Porter: "Dad would let me swim."
Lynette: "Well, dad's not here, so I decide, and I decide no."

Porter runs to the patio.

Lynette: "Ah, Porter, what are you doing? Hey! hey, get down off that right now. I mean it!"

Porter climbs on the railing and straddles it.

Lynette: "Okay! Okay, okay, Porter, just stop, all right? Just come on inside, and we'll forget the whole thing."

Porter falls off the rail, screaming. Lynette screams.

Fairview Hospital Emergency Ward

Tom enters.

Parker: "Daddy!"
Preston: "Daddy! Daddy!"
Tom: "Hey, guys. god! Ooh, god, I've missed you so much. Oh, you, too, munchkin. Where's Porter? Is he okay?"
Lynette: "He broke his arm. They took him up to x-ray."
Tom: "Hey, guys, why don't you look after your sister for me, okay? Mommy and daddy need to talk."

Later, Tom and Lynette walk into a small waiting room.

Lynette: "I've got nothing to say to you. I just called because I had to."
Tom: "Honey, whatever you saw, I can explain it."
Lynette: "I am not interested and if you wanna keep those fingers, I would move 'em away from my body. Thank you."
Tom: "Lynette, I am not cheating on you. I never have and I never will."
Lynette: "I saw you with that woman."
Tom: "Her name is Nora. I met her twelve years ago."
Lynette: "I don't care what her name is."
Tom: "I met her before you. She was a dancer on a cruise ship. We had a one night stand. I haven't thought about her in years."
Lynette: "Then why are you going to Atlantic City every other weekend to visit her?"
Tom: "I have another child, Lynette."
Lynette: "What?"
Tom: "She got pregnant from the one night stand. Nora raised the kid without ever telling me. I only just found out about it. That is why I have been going back and forth. I am not having an affair."

Lynette shoves Tom. He falls over some chairs.

Later, Tom sits, holding an ice pack to his head.

Tom: "The little girl's name is Kayla. She's eleven years old. I know I should've told you about this sooner. It's just that I wanted to take a paternity test to be sure and I'm definitely the dad."
Lynette: "Why did she wait so long to contact you?"
Tom: "She said she wanted to raise the kid alone, and I, I guess she's changed her mind, honey. Baby, I am so sorry."

He puts his hand on her arm. She shrugs it off.

Lynette: "Not ready for that yet."
Tom: "Okay."
Lynette: "You have no idea how badly you scared me."
Tom: "I am so sorry."
Lynette: "I had already let you go."

Porter is wheeled into the room.

Porter: "Dad! I got a blue cast."
Tom: "Hey, buddy. You sure did. That's pretty cool."
Lynette: "Hey."
Porter: "It itches. Can we go home now?"
Lynette: "Yeah, we're going home."

Tom comes up behind Lynette and hugs her tightly.

Flashback - 5 Years Ago - Pharmacy

Bree: "Have they rung up your prescription yet?"
Rex: "No, they're getting it right now."
Bree: "Good. Add that on."
Rex: "You're dying your hair honeywheat blond?"
Bree: "Oh, it's not for me, it's for Danielle."

They turn to look at Danielle, who has reddish highlights in her hair.

Bree: "That hair is going back to the color god intended."
Rex: "You actually think she's gonna sit still as you towel this through her hair?"
Bree: "Oh, I will tie her down if necessary. I'm also thinking of checking her body for piercings while I'm at it."
Rex: "You're overreacting. She's just going through a phase. That's what girls her age do."
Bree: "They also get pregnant and become drug addicts and that color hair is the gateway."
Bree: "Would you please, uh, add that to our bill?"
Rex: "I'm telling you, Bree, you're gonna have to stop riding 'em so hard."
Bree: "I am trying to ensure that they turn into responsible adults. Trust me, Rex, in the end, we will be rewarded."
Rex: "How can you be so damn sure of yourself all the time?"
Bree: "Why is my certainty a flaw? I know what I'm about, I know my values, and I know what's right. Why shouldn't I stay the course? Am I right, Mr. Williams?"
George: "My mother always took a firm hand with me and I thank her for it."
Bree: "Exactly, and look how well you turned out."
Rex: "Look, you're a good mother, but there's a limit. You have got to relinquish some control, or else you're gonna regret it."

Present Day - Fairview Meadows Psychiatric Hospital

Bree is tied to the bed with arm and leg restraints. The maintenance man, Alfred, comes in and begins mopping the floor.

Bree: "Excuse me. Do you have the time?"
Alfred: "Yeah, it's just after eight."
Bree: "Oh, I was afraid of that."
Alfred: "Afraid of what?"
Bree: "Well, I'm only supposed to be restrained until seven. You see, I have a problem with sleepwalking. They just tie me up so that I don't wander off and hurt myself."
Alfred: "Yeah, well, I'm sure a nurse will be in here soon."
Bree: "One can only hope. Of course, if a doctor gets here first and sees that someone forgot to release me, I'm sure they'd get in a lot of trouble."
Alfred: "Lady, I can't let you out of your restraints. I'd get fired."
Bree: "Oh, well, I certainly would not want that to happen. What's your name?"
Alfred: "Alfred."
Bree: "Oh! Does anybody ever call you Alfie?"
Alfred: "No."
Bree: "And why should they? So, um, Alfred, I was wondering if you could maybe loosen my restraints. They're incredibly tight, and I'm sure there are no rules against making me more comfortable."
Alfred: "Do you think I'm stupid?"
Bree: "I beg your pardon?"
Alfred: "Two seconds after I loosen these little restraints, you'll try to scratch my eyes out and make a run for it. Well, I'm not falling for it, you psycho little bitch. In fact, I hope they keep you tied up for the next month 'cause I'd get a real kick out of watching a prissy little whack job like you lying in your own filth. Know what I mean?"

Mike's House

Mike opens the door, holding an ice pack to his face.

Susan: "Oh. Are you all right?"
Mike: "Uh, yeah. I’m a little hopped up on pain medicine, but, um, I chipped my tooth on the salad shooter."
Susan: "Oh, oh, you know, you should, um, call my friend Orson. He's a dentist. I'm sure he'll see you right away."
Mike: "Thanks."
Susan: "So, about that ring you bought, is there anything particular you'd like to ask me?"
Mike: "Nope, not as long as Karl's got you wrapped around his finger."
Susan: "Okay, that's ridiculous. Karl doesn't have me wrapped around anything."
Mike: "You accepted a house from him, and you're nuts if you believe he doesn't have an ulterior motive."
Susan: "He's Karl. He's playing me. But that house is gonna be a great place for my daughter to live. And when he makes his move, he's gonna realize that I was really playing him. So, about that ring..."
Mike: "I, I just don't want to get deeper into this and suddenly realize your heart's somewhere else."
Susan: "Mike, my heart is in the exact right place."
Mike: "I can't have have this conversation now, my tooth is throbbing."
Susan: "Of course. Okay. You don't even wanna know what my answer would have been?"

He stares at her and she turns and walks away.

Motel Room

Danielle: "Can we please get out of here? This place is gross. And, god, I'm starving."
Matthew: "Yeah, I know, but we don't have any money, remember?"
Danielle: "That's why we should go to my house. I know the combination to my mom's safe."
Matthew: "Okay, I've told you a thousand times, it's way too risky. No."
Danielle: "Something you should know before we embark on this little adventure. I can get pretty bitchy when I'm not fed."

She turns off the TV and lies down on the bed.

Dentist's Office

Orson is looking at Mike’s teeth x-rays.

Orson: "Listen, I hope I'm not out of line here, but did you ever spend any time in prison?"
Mike: "Why, you can tell from my teeth?"
Orson: "Jailhouse dentistry. Unmistakable and not pretty."
Mike: "Yeah, I did a little time in Kansas a few years back. Were you a prison dentist?"
Orson: "Uh, during dental school, we did freebie work on some of the poor guinea pigs behind bars. No offense."
Mike: "You know, I had the feeling when I first saw you in the movie theater that we'd met before."
Orson: "I don't think so."
Mike: "Oh, I'm pretty sure. I think I know you. Any chance I was one of your guinea pigs?"
Orson: "No. The only prison work I did was back in Virginia."
Mike: "Diploma says you graduated from Minnesota."
Orson: "I'm licensed in three states. Open wide, please. Don't talk. I wouldn't want to hurt you."

Flashback - 2 Years Ago - Gabrielle's House

Gabrielle is talking on the phone.

Gabrielle: "Carlos, you promised you'd come home today. Well, I don't care what Tanaka wants! Rattling around this stupid house all by myself is not what I signed up for! No, no, no, don't hang up on me. I'm not done yelling at you!"

Gabrielle hangs up. She sees the gardener, John, going into her garage. She follows him in there.

John: "Mrs. Solis, how are you?"
Gabrielle: "The best you've ever had."

Gabrielle hits the remote in her hand and closes the garage door.

Later, Gabrielle and John are laying half naked on the ground.

Gabrielle: "What's so funny?"
John: "Me and my friend Justin had this bet. See who could lose their virginity first this summer at bible camp. Guess I beat him to the punch."
Gabrielle: "You were a virgin?"
John: "So, it didn't show?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, no. No, I mean, I guess it was, well, weird when you started naming the American presidents in order."
John: "Yeah, I wish you hadn't heard that. I was just trying to..."
Gabrielle: "No, no, you were good. Just, if it comes up in school, Paul Revere was never a president."
John: "Oh, thanks. I, uh, had a really awesome time, Mrs. Solis."
Gabrielle: "Oh, well, good. I'm glad, because this can never happen again."
John: "Why?"
Gabrielle: "The only reason I did this was because I was angry at Carlos. Now, thanks to you, I'm not angry anymore."
John: "Well, you should be. I mean, the guy's never around. Hell, he's probably off having his own affair right now."
Gabrielle: "Oh, I seriously doubt that."
John: "How do you know?"
Gabrielle: "Because Carlos doesn't have an adulterous bone in his body. What we just did he could never do. For him, sex isn't just sex. it's a sign of intimacy. It's the way he shows love. You know, instead of talking and listening and spending time with me."

John kisses Gabrielle.

Gabrielle: "What was that for?"
John: "Thought you needed a kiss."
Gabrielle: "Well, since this is our last time, I guess we can make the most of it."
John: "So, you really trust him, huh?"
Gabrielle: "Completely."

Present Day - Gabrielle's House - Daytime

"Like all good mothers, Gabrielle had purchased several top-of-the-line baby monitors."

Gabrielle puts a baby monitor under her bed and one under Xiao-Mei’s bed.

"She had planned to use them to keep a close watch on her newborn child. That plan was about to change."

She plants another monitor in the garage, then goes into the living room.

Gabrielle: "So I'm gonna go shopping and then I'm gonna see my trainer, and I'll definitely be gone for, like, three hours. Okay. Well, I gotta go. Have fun."

Gabrielle's Car

Gabrielle, in her parked car, turns the baby monitor on and listens. She hears:

Lynette: "Not here, Penny. Mommy's gotta change you now 'cause you stink."

Gabrielle pulls her car forward a few feet. She hears:

Xiao-Mei: "Here, taste this."
Carlos: "Oh, man! Xiao-Mei, that is amazing."
Xiao-Mei: "You like?"
Carlos: "Oh, yeah. Sorry if I'm making a mess."
Xiao-Mei: "It's okay. Mu Shu Pork. Supposed to be messy."
Carlos: "I wish Gabrielle could cook like this. Have you ever tried her enchiladas?"
Xiao-Mei: "One time. They make me sick."

Gabrielle turns off the monitor and throws it on the seat beside her.

Susan's Trailer

Susan is unraveling Christmas lights. Julie enters.

Susan: "Mike still hasn’t seen the invitation."
Julie: "Ah. He will, and he'll meet you for a romantic motor home rendezvous, and you'll propose, he'll accept, and you'll both live happily ever after."
Susan: "You really think that's what's gonna happen?"
Julie: "It's my deepest hope. Oh, there he is."

She sees Mike come out on his porch. Mike finds the card on his bannister. Inside is a card with a map to Susan’s trailer and written "Bring some champagne and your heart and meet me at 8:30 at Lover’s Point on Torch Lane. XOXO Susan."

Mike smiles. He sees Susan looking out her trailer and nods yes.

Susan: "We're in."

Flashback - 2 Years Ago - Fairview Hospital

Lynette is lying in a hospital bed. Tom is holding a newborn.

Tom: "Polly? That's a good name."
Lynette: "No way."
Tom: "Pamela."
Lynette: "I said I wanted Penny."
Tom: "Oh, Lynette."
Lynette: "Eight hours of grueling labor."
Tom: "It's not fair. "
Lynette: "Neither are stretch marks, but what are you gonna do?"
Tom: "I've only known one Penny in my whole life, and she was a slut."
Lynette: "Isn't your aunt named Penny?"
Tom: "Yeah, that's her."
Lynette: "Our daughter is officially named. You may go now."
Tom: "All right, I'll let you win this one, but I get to name the next one."

Lynette grabs him by the arm and pulls him close.

Lynette: "You promised me we'd stop at four. Remember? You wanted four kids, I wanted one, and somehow we compromised on four. Can we please stop now?"
Tom: "Lynette, you're hurting me."
Lynette: "I will stop as soon as you promise."
Tom: "Okay, I promise."
Lynette: "Okay."
Tom: "Honey, I, I didn't mean to upset ya. It's just, we've been so happy."
Lynette: "Sweetie, sometimes when you're at work, and I'm home alone with three young boys, I'm not so happy, and now I'm gonna be alone with four kids. Each one is a blessing, yes, but I don't think I can take any more blessings. More blessings could make me lose my mind. Do you understand?"
Tom: "Yeah."
Lynette: "Thank you."
Tom: "Honey, that really hurt."
Lynette: "Did it hurt for eight hours?"
Tom: "No."
Lynette: "Okay, then."

Present Day - Outside Lynette's House - Daytime

Lynette: "I must have been crazy, agreeing to this."
Tom: "Honey, you're gonna feel differently once you meet Kayla. She is sweet, smart little girl, plus it'll help you get past your resentment of Nora."
Lynette: "I don't...well, here goes."

A taxi pulls up in front of their house.

Nora: "Hey, you! You must be Lynette."
Lynette: "And you must be Nora.
Nora: "I guess it'd be weird if we hugged."
Lynette: "Probably."
Tom: "Where's Kayla?"
Nora: "Oh, she didn't come. We got into this huge fight, and I was, like, I just couldn't stand to look at her face on that long plane trip, so I dumped her at the neighbors. But, hey, come on, you got me."

Restaurant

Nora: "So, anyway, Kayla is doing great. She's so pretty. She's so smart. She's practically a star on her soccer team. I have the cutest picture."
Tom: "You know, we wouldn't need a picture if you had actually brought her like you promised."
Nora: "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. You know, but I just haven't had much time to get away on my own since, um, I've been taking care of your kid for the past eleven years, super dad."
Tom: "Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I know it's been hard. You've done an amazing job."
Nora: "Thank you. I think, so, too. Apology accepted. Anyway, I wasn't sure that I wanted Kayla here if we were gonna talk about business."
Lynette: "Business?"
Nora: "I was hoping that we could talk about child support since I've got, like, eleven years coming to me, right?"
Tom: "You never told me I had a daughter."
Nora: "My lawyer thinks that I have a very good case."
Lynette: "We can't afford this. We have four kids. Tom just lost his job. That'd bankrupt us."
Nora: "I'm the bad guy now when he's the one that knocked me up and abandoned his child?"
Lynette: "How could he abandon her if he didn't even know she existed?"
Nora: "That doesn't let him off the hook. You know, you'd better do right by me unless, of course, you wanna be known as Mrs. Deadbeat Dad!"
Tom: "Okay, just take it easy."
Lynette: "Are we just gonna keep talking louder? Is that the plan? You wanna just keep raising your voice 'cause that's how you get what you want, right? You make a scene, you throw a tantrum, and everyone gets scared and backs off. Well, I don't work that way, lady. I don't care that my husband was so phenomenally stupid and-or drunk to actually have sex with you. I'm not gonna let it ruin my life." (loudly) "Am I talking loud enough for that to get through to you?"
Tom: "I'm just gonna pay the bill."

Outside Susan's House

Susan: "Karl, we've been through a lot together. We will always be connected by Julie, but, I know why you bought me that house, and I'm not moving into it."
Karl: "Susie, come on, I..."
Susan: "Karl, we are not getting back together. Not ever.You need to just stop and realize that it's over. I'm gonna marry Mike. So, I need you to sign these because I have to be divorced first."
Karl: "Mike popped the question?"
Susan: "No, he was going to, but then you clocked him in the mouth with a salad shooter, remember? Actually, I'm gonna pop the question to him tomorrow night."
Karl: "Guess it cuts down on the suspense knowing he bought you a ring."
Susan: "You would think so, but, no, it doesn't."
Karl: "This is a lot to ask from a man who still loves you, Susie."
Susan: "I know. But if you really do love me, you'll let me go."
Karl: "Okay, Susie. I can do that. Well, you know where to find me if it doesn't work out."
Susan: "Oh, shut up."

Karl signs the papers.

Lynette's House - Nighttime

Lynette and Tom are sitting on the bed with all their financial papers in front of them.

Lynette: "I don't see another way to make this work. We've gotta dip into the pensions."
Tom: "Oh, I don't like the sound of that."
Lynette: "Well, it's that or the kids' college fund. We'll write Nora one big check, and in return, she'll sign away her claim for the back child support. If we're lucky, she'll take the bird in the hand."
Tom: "Okay, what are we talking about? How much?"
Lynette: "We need to show her we're serious. Thirty thousand?"
Tom: "Are you kidding? Thirty?"
Lynette: "If she takes you to court, we'll lose and end up paying eleven years of child support all at once. We could lose the house."
Tom: "Oh, we are screwed. We are just plain screwed."
Lynette: "Tom! I am trying very hard to be strong right now and you melting down is not helping me."
Tom: "I'm sorry."
Lynette: "I know we're using up a huge chunk of our savings but if it keeps that crazy woman out of our life, it is the best money we have ever spent. We will be okay."

Fairview Meadows Psychiatric Hospital

Bree is in Dr. Barr's office.

Dr. Barr: "Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session."
Bree: "Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind."
Dr. Barr: "What do you wanna talk about?"
Bree: "Anything at all. As you said, I, I have a lot of issues."
Dr. Barr: "Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer."
Bree: "Saw right through that, did ya?"
Dr. Barr: "Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground."
Bree: "Well, I'm glad that you're having fun."
Dr. Barr: "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be flip, but you came here because you were troubled and then you refuse any help we give you."

Bree is raking the Zen garden in jagged patterns.

Bree: "Things were falling apart at home, and I just, I just needed a place to rest, that's all."
Dr. Barr: "I think there's more to it than that."
Bree: "Do you?"
Dr. Barr: "I think it has to do with your kids. You don't want to talk about them. Why is that?"
Bree: "Probably because I'm ashamed."
Dr. Barr: "Ashamed?"
Bree: "My children were my life. They were the reason that I got up in the morning, so to have failed them as a parent..."
Dr. Barr: " You think you failed them as a parent?"
Bree: "Well, my son is a sociopath and my daughter hates me enough to have run away from home. I'm certainly not gonna get mother of the year anytime soon."
Dr. Barr: "If your kids were here right now, what would you tell them?"
Bree: "I would beg my son, Andrew, for forgiveness for having given up on him, and I would tell my daughter not to worry, that I have a plan to protect her."
Dr. Barr: "And just what is that plan?"

Bree picks up the sand garden and throws it in the doctor’s face. She calmly walks out of his office. The alarm sounds. Orson is sitting, reading to his friend. He sees Bree. She motions him to be quiet. Guards come in, unlocking the door. They run in, Bree grabs the door before it can close, and runs out. Orson smiles at her. Bree runs out of the building.

Lynette's House

Lynette, Gabrielle, and Susan are having coffee.

Susan: "So, I've got everything ready to go: flowers, candles, Elvis Costello CD all cued up."
Gabrielle: "But who has the ring?"
Susan: "He does."
Gabrielle: "So, wait, you're gonna get down on one knee, pop the question, and while you're down there, dig in his pocket?
Lynette: "What if you pull out his key chain?"
Susan: "Then I'm gonna have to find a way to force it on my finger."

Sounds from Penny’s baby monitor.

Carlos (on the monitor): "Oh, Xiao-Mei, where'd you learn to kiss like that?"
Lynette: "Sorry, that's Penny's baby monitor. It's always picking up weird frequencies."
Gabrielle: "No, no, no, no, no! Don't turn it off."

From the monitor:

Carlos: "Oh! Move over. My knees hit the dashboard.
Xiao-Mei: "I move seat back, better?"
Carlos: "Oh, yeah."

Lynette turns the monitor off. Gabrielle runs home. She kicks off her shoes as she’s running. She looks in the garage and sees Carlos and Xiao-Mei necking in the car.

Later, Xiao-Mei comes in the front door quietly. Her hair is all mussed. Gabrielle is sitting on the stairs.

Gabrielle: "Are you done with my husband?"

Xiao-Mei nods. Gabrielle bolts the front door.

Gabrielle: "Good. I have a little project for you."

Carlos is standing on the front yard. Gabrielle and Xiao-Mei throwall of Carlos’ clothes from the deck upstairs.

Carlos: "Okay, Gaby, can we please talk about this? You're the one that gave me permission, remember? You said, go have sex with somebody!"
Gabrielle: "To have meaningless sex, Carlos. Not to sleep with the woman who's carrying our child!"
Carlos: "What is the matter? Look, we're even! You had an affair, and I had an affair!"
Gabrielle: "I had a reason to.You were never here! I've been here, Carlos. I have tried so hard to not be selfish and to put your needs above mine. I mean, for god sakes, look at me! I have agreed to be a mother for you!"
Carlos: "Look, Gaby, you have every right to be mad at me. So, I'm gonna go and check into a hotel room and let you cool down, but we are going to work this out."
Gabrielle: "Forget the hotel, Carlos. Get a lease."

Gabrielle pulls Xiao-Mei inside.

Xiao-Mei: "I can go now, too?"
Gabrielle: "No, you can start dinner."
Xiao-Mei: "What?"
Gabrielle: "You're not going anywhere, not as long as you have my baby in your belly."

Xiao-Mei mumbles in Chinese.

Gabrielle: "I don't know what that meant, but I didn't like the tone. So just remember, I am the boss of you, or else I'm gonna make this the worst nine months of your life."

Lynette's House

Nora: "Hi."
Lynette: "Hi. Did you get the check?"
Nora: "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you have a minute?"
Lynette: "Tom?"

Later, Tom, Lynette, and Nora are in the kitchen.

Nora: "I'm not the type of person that can keep things bottled up inside."
Lynette: "Really?"
Nora: "So I'm just gonna have to get this off my chest. You made me feel really bad about myself yesterday at the restaurant."
Lynette: "My sincerest apologies."
Nora: "You treated me like some sort of mercenary, like the only reason I came here was to extort money from you."
Lynette: "Well, to be honest, first, we bought you pie, then you tried to extort money from us."
Nora: "See? There it is again, Lynette, that mean streak. All I want is what's best for my child, for Tom's child."
Lynette: "As the mother of eighty percent of Tom's children, I don't think it's in their best interest for you to drive us into bankruptcy."
Nora: "Of course it isn't. Here. I signed the waiver that the lawyer sent over with the check. And I'm not even asking for any back child support."
Tom: "That's, that's, that's great. Thank you."
Nora: "See, Lynette? See? It's not all about money. It's not even a little bit about money. It's about family. 'Cause we're all a big family now."
Lynette: "Sort of."
Nora: "Which is why I took all the money that you gave me and I put it all down on the sweetest little two-bedroom house over on Arden Drive."
Tom: "Arden Drive over, over by the mall?"
Lynette: " Like, five minutes from here Arden Drive?"
Nora: "It's perfect. I could drop Kayla off here anytime so she can play with her new siblings. She can spend time with her dad."
Lynette: "Well, to be clear, how are you going to live? How are you going to pay the mortgage? You don't have a job here."
Nora: "What is your problem with me, lady? I don't understand! You don't know me. You don't know what I can do. and yet you just always, just..." (she chitters) "just--just... (she makes another noise) "always on the attack. It's ugly, and you should work on that. Here's what I think. I think that we should all work on this because I don't want every Christmas to turn ugly just because you and I don't get along."
Lynette: "Yeah, that would be a shame."

Susan's Trailer

Susan is stringing paper laterns and Christmas lights on a tree in front of her trailer. She has a table decorated with candles and wine.

Outside Mike's House

Mike comes outside and gets in his car. He drives away. A red car follows his car.

Outside Bree's House

Danielle and Matthew pull up in front of Bree's house.

Danielle: "See, I told you she wasn't home. Her car's not even here."
Matthew: "And you sure the safe is upstairs?"

Bree's House

Danielle tries to open the safe in her mother's bedroom.

Danielle: "Damn it, my mother must have changed the combination."
Matthew: "Okay. Wait here. I'll be right back."

Betty's House

Matthew gets a sledge hammer from the basement. He sees his mother’s purse on the table. He starts taking the money out. Betty comes in.

Betty: "You did it. You killed Melanie. You put your jacket on her body. I saw it, Matthew. The police showed me the pictures."
Matthew: "Now you weren't there. You don't know what happened."
Betty: "Oh, god."
Matthew: "Caleb hurt her and Melanie threatened to bring us all down because of that."
Betty: "So, your solution was to make your brother think he murdered a girl and to make me think it?"
Matthew: "What other choice did I have? I knew that you wouldn't hand Caleb over to the police. I knew that you would protect him."
Betty: "I would have protected you."
Matthew: "Well, I really couldn't count on that."
Betty: "Matthew..."
Matthew: "You don't love me as much as you love Caleb. You never have."
Betty: "Perhaps. But it's because he's needed me more. You are always going to find love in the world. Don't you understand? He was only ever going to get it from me."
Matthew: "You know, I know you believe that. That's why I've tried so hard to forgive you. And who knows? Maybe one day I will."

Matthew takes the money and walks out. Betty picks up the phone and dials a number.

Operator: "Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?"
Betty: "I need the police."

Bree's House

Matthew hits the safe with the sledge hammer. It opens. Danielle pulls out stacks of money.

Danielle: "See, I told you she had cash."

Wisteria Lane - Nighttime

Bree is walking to her house. She sees Matthew’s car parked in front and runs inside.

Bree's House

Danielle and Matthew are filling a suitcase full of food stuffs from the kitchen cabinets when Bree walks in.

Bree: "Danielle, I don't know what you're planning, but I need to talk to you right now."
Danielle: "Give it up, mom. We're leaving."
Bree: "I'm calling the police."

Bree runs to the phone. Matthew runs to it and tears it off the wall.

Bree: "Do you remember that girl, Melanie Foster? Matthew is the one who killed her."
Danielle: "I know you don't want us to be together, but that's the lamest thing I've ever heard."
Bree: "His mother told me what happened. It's true."
Matthew: "Let's go, Danielle."

They walk toward the front door. Bree runs and stands in front of it.

Danielle: "Mom, please move."
Bree: "No. I gave up on your brother, and I'm not gonna make that mistake with you."
Matthew: "We don't have time for this."

Matthew pulls out a gun and points it at Bree.

Danielle: "Where did you get that? What are you doing?"
Matthew: "Move away!"
Bree: "Danielle, I want you to get out of the house now. He's a killer."
Matthew: "Shut up!"
Danielle: "Don't point that at my mother!"
Bree: "Danielle! I'm serious, go."
Matthew: "What's wrong with you? I'm gonna shoot you"
Danielle: "Matthew, stop it!"

Bree walks toward Matthew slowly.

Bree: "If that's what it takes to get my daughter..."
Danielle: "Stop it!"
Bree: "...to see who you really are..."
Danielle: "Stop pointing that at my mother!"
Bree: "...then fine."
Danielle: "What are you doing?"
Bree: "Do it."
Danielle: "Stop!"

They hear the sound of breaking glass. Bree looks toward the window and sees a bullet hole in the glass. Matthew drops to the ground, a bullet hole in his heart. Bree grabs Danielle and pulls her away. Outside are the police with laser pointers on their guns. Danielle begins screaming. Bree grabs and holds her and the police break in.

Bree: "It's okay, baby."

Downtown Fairview - Nighttime

Mike comes out of a store carrying flowers. As he walks to his truck, the red car that was following him starts its engine.

Susan's Trailer

Susan straightens the flowers on her table as she smiles. She looks down at her left hand, holding it out as though a ring is on it.

Downtown Fairview

Mike looks at the engagement ring he has for Susan. He crosses the street to his truck. The red car comes speeding forward and hits Mike. The driver, Orson, stops to look at Mike lying in the street, then drives away quickly.

Susan's Trailer

Susan (on her cell phone): "Hey, it's just me again. Um, when you got the invitation, I thought that you gave me the thumbs up, but I guess if that was actually some other type of finger gesture, uh, well, I apologize for leaving you all these messages and wasting your time."

Bree's House

The coroner is wheeling Matthew out of the house. All the neighbors are out watching.

Multiple Flashbacks

"This is the street where I used to live and these were the people with whom I shared my life."

A younger Susan picks up a box.

"I met them the day they moved in..."

A younger Bree directs a mover and makes a mark on a clipboard.

"...and I saw what they brought with them."

A younger Tom carries double baby stroller into the house as Lynette watches.

"Beautiful dreams for the future..."

A younger Carlos and Gabrielle kiss..

"...and quiet hopes for a better life..."

A younger Susan hands the box to a younger Karl..

"...not just for themselves, but for their children, too."

A younger Lynette places her hands on her stomach.

"If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead?"

A younger Rex hugs Bree from behind.

"Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store?"

A younger Carlos picks Gabrielle up.

A younger Mary Alice overlooks Wisteria Lane.

"No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled."

Present Day

Caleb and Betty get into the moving van.

"The trip is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon."

Betty drives the van away.

"Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming, but that's really the point. Don't you think?"

Outside Bree's House

Orson gets out of his red car carrying flowers.

Bree: "Orson."
Orson: "Oh, hey. I wanted to come by and see how you were doing after your great escape and, uh, these are for you."
Bree: "How sweet and unexpected. Do you wanna come in?"
Orson: "I'd love to."

~ The End ~

This transcript was compiled and completed on June 25, 2006 by Amanda (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com) and Lucy.
Last Update: August 6, 2006

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