Mary Alice: "Susan Mayer had always believed the punishment should fit the crime. She first came to this conclusion when she discovered her husband Karl had been unfaithful. Since Karl had destroyed the love she had given him, Susan felt it was only appropriate she destroy the things he loved in return one by one. But now, three years after their divorce, Susan was reunited with Karl once again as partners in a crime of their own. Yes, Susan Mayer believed the punishment should fit the crime. But for that matter, so did Karl."

---

Julie: "I know no one's asking me, but I think this whole thing is a tragic mistake and I just don't have it in me to survive another ugly divorce."
Susan: "Don't worry, honey. This time, it is strictly a business arrangement."
Julie: "It better be, 'cause if I see so much as one lingering gaze between the two of you, I swear I'll go to the insurance company and turn you in."
Susan: "So, we shouldn't expect a wedding gift, huh?"

---

Bree: "Well, I didn't wanna come here because I was afraid it would drudge up memories of my husband. This was our place. Rex passed away recently. He was, um, murdered by our pharmacist."
Tony: "Wow. I hope you changed pharmacists."
Bree: "I didn't have to. He committed suicide."

---

Tom: "We have to be at work in one hour. There's no day care on the weekends, so you cut McCluskey loose, we're stuck."
Lynette: "We will find someone. Someone who doesn't remember what they were doing the day Lincoln was shot."

---

Julie: "Look, I'm not too crazy about this whole fake marriage thing, but if you don't have that operation, you could die. So don't be so hard on yourself. You are a good person."
Susan: "Thanks, hon. That really helps. Okay, now I want you to go over and slip this ring to your father. And just so you know, if Edie catches you, I'm expecting you to swallow it."

---

Bree: "For god sakes, it was an honest mistake. I thought I could have just a little bit of wine with dinner, but, apparently, my body couldn't handle it. Fine! If it makes everybody happy, I will just suffer through my sneezing fits and my hives on my own. There. Is that better?"
Andrew: "So basically you would rather drink than to not have allergies?"

---

Paul: "I'm getting real tired of your morbid fascination with two strangers who didn't love you enough to keep you. So, please, stop asking about them."
Zach: "It's only natural that I'd wanna talk about my birth parents."
Paul: "Well, it may be natural, but it certainly isn't polite."

---

Lucia: "So, what if I was your surrogate? Yeah, I know. I know it might sound a little crazy, but I am the only one in the world that you can trust to put the baby's needs first. You know, I'll exercise more, I'll eat better—"
Gabrielle: "Mother, no!"
Lucia: "Why?"
Gabrielle: "Off the top of my head, you're on Medicare?"
Lucia: "I am only fifty...one. You know and there's this woman in England last year. She was sixty-three years old and she gave birth to her own grandchild."
Gabrielle: "Look, I don't care if she shot triplets out of her ass. It's not gonna happen. Can you believe this?"
Carlos: "How'd that England baby turn out? I mean, it didn't have, like, a big head or anything, did it?"

---

Gabrielle: "I'm pulling out. Watch your boobs."

---

Edie: "Get in here. I have some news that's probably gonna devastate you. But I wanted to be the first one to tell you."
Susan: "Okay."
Edie: "Karl is about to pop the question."
Susan: "You mean, like, marriage?"
Edie: "Hmm hmm! Oh, I hope I haven't ruined your Valentine's Day. Do you want a tissue?"

---

Mary Alice: "Now and then, we all need a little help, so we ask for small favors. But it's always best to be wary of those eager to come to our rescue. Because even the smallest of favors carries a price tag. Yes, everyone has an agenda. No matter what they may tell us. And in those rare instances where there is no ulterior motive we're so taken aback that we may fail to recognize the truth that a loving friend has just done us an enormous favor."