Mary Alice: "Kisses are such simple things, we hardly notice them. But if we paid more attention, we'd see that each kiss conveys a meaning all its own. For example, some can say, ‘I'm so happy to see you.’ Or, ‘I didn't realize you'd be here.’ Or ‘honey, it's time to stop drinking.’ The trick is in knowing how to tell the difference."

---

Edie: "What do you guys think about the Applewhites?"
Susan: "I like 'em, very nice. Very..."
Bree: "…interesting."
Susan: "Right, interesting."
Edie: "Hmm, they weird me out, too."

---

Gabrielle: "You know, we were just having fun, entertaining the crowd."
Lynette: "Oh, sure, but maybe next time you could try juggling instead."

---

Bree: "Get over here. Now."
Andrew: "Somebody's angry. Did one of your soufflés fall?"
Bree: "I saw what you did with your friend."
Andrew: "Oh, and you didn't turn into a pillar of salt. Good for you."
Bree: "This is not a joke, Andrew. What if the neighbors had seen you?"
Andrew: "Well, I'd hope they'd think that I'd landed a hottie."

---

Bree: "You would actually let the police arrest your own mother?"
Andrew: "Hey, we all gotta cut the apron strings at some point."

---

Gabrielle: "Uh, I think she got sick."
Tom: "Oh, I'm so sorry. Usually, she only throws upon immediate family."
Gabrielle: "I'm honored."

---

Gabrielle: "Carlos, go have an affair."
Carlos: "What?"
Gabrielle: "I had my little indiscretion. So you go have yours. Get it out of your system. I know you want to."
Carlos: "I do not."
Gabrielle: "Sure you do. Knock yourself out. Call up an old college flame. Rent a call girl. Fly to Africa and nail that little nun you've been drooling over. I don't care!"
Carlos: "You're crazy."
Gabrielle: "No, I'm pragmatic. Because once you finish your fling, we'll be equals again. And then you won't be able to judge me. And we can go back to being a boring, average married couple. Oh, just do me a favor. Don't bring back any diseases."

---

Tom: "So you really think she's into me?"
Lynette: "I don't know."
Tom: "Because you're right. I am an attractive man. You know what? I've never told you this, but sometimes when I bend down to pick up the morning paper, I catch Bree Van de Kamp checking me out."
Lynette: "You're kidding."
Tom: "No, scout's honor. I've always exuded a certain sexual magnetism, and as I get older, I think it's only becoming more intense."
Lynette: "Are you drunk?"
Tom: "Oh, I'm a hot guy living in a neighborhood filled with nothing but lonely ladies. They can't help themselves. I'm like, catnip."

---

Tom: "I'm telling you, these women want me."
Lynette: "Oh, yeah."
Tom: "They see the rippling muscles underneath this t-shirt..."
Lynette: "Good night, Tom."
Tom: "They cannot resist me."
Lynette: "Shut up and go to sleep."

---

Bree: "Hi, Karl. Oh! Oh, um, quick question, when someone discusses a sensitive situation with a lawyer such as yourself, when does attorney client confidentiality kick in?"
Karl: "From the moment the lawyer's been hired. Why?"
Bree: "Here's a check for a hundred dollars. That's enough for a retainer, right?"
Karl: "I guess. What's going on, Bree?"
Bree: "My son is trying to blackmail me. And I want you to stop the little S.O.B. Do you think you could do that?"

---

Bree: "If you wanna lie to the police, go right ahead. But please know that I will sue you."
Andrew: "For what?"
Karl: "Abuse of process. It's when a person tries to exploit the legal system for an improper purpose, like blackmail."
Andrew: "You guys can't sue me. I'm just a kid."
Bree: "Oh, don't worry. I won't start garnishing your wages until you turn eighteen."
Karl: "Your mom, is she a peach or what?"

---

Gabrielle: "So we thinking this is Paul?"
Lynette: "Well, he is our friendly neighborhood murderer."

---

Mary Alice: "The act itself never varies. But each kiss carries with it a meaning all its own. It can convey a husband's eternal devotion. Or a wife's enormous regret. It can symbolize a mother's growing concern. Or a lover's growing passion. But whatever its meaning, each kiss reflects a basic human need. The need to connect to another human being. This desire is so strong it's always amazing when some people don’t understand it."