Mary Alice: "Good guys wear white hats and bad guys wear black. This is how children distinguish between good and evil. But they soon learn that bad guys always don't look so bad. And sometimes they seem downright friendly. That is until you get to know them a little bit better."

---

Bree: "George! I have guests! What do you think you are doing?"
George: "We had a tiff. I upset you and now I'm just trying to make things right again."
Bree: "It was not a tiff! We broke up! It's over!"

---

George: "Call the police! If they drag me away, I'm only gonna come right back here. I want you to hear the whole medley! Come on!"

---

Lynette: "Nina, I think I speak for everyone here when I say we are sick and tired of your abuse. Frankly, you owe us an apology."
Nina: "Is, is this true? I mean, I would be mortified if I thought that I hurt any of you. If anybody feels like I owe them an apology, please speak up. You? You? You? Gee, Lynette, I guess you were mistaken. All right, let's recap, shall we? Stinky pitch, working late, no apologies."

---

Stu: "Hot muffins! Any takers?"
Lynette: "No, Stu! These people don't deserve muffins."

---

Man's Voice: "At seven forty-three this morning, your husband held two guards at gunpoint and successfully escaped."
Gabrielle: "He what?"
Man's Voice: "I take it you had no prior knowledge he had planned to do this."
Gabrielle: "No, of course not! He's a moron!"
Man's Voice: "We have every reason to believe your husband may come to find you. We believe him to be armed and very, very horny."

---

Gabrielle: "What is wrong with you? You are totally useless after sex."
Carlos: "I know. I should probably get my thyroid checked out."

---

Carlos: "You don't know what it was like in there. All right? Twenty hours a day, eight by ten cell, just you and your mind."
Gabrielle: "So pretty much just you."

---

Carlos: "I am going to live a virtuous life. I want to do right by you, by my mama, and by my God."
Gabrielle: "What the hell did they do to you in that prison?"

---

Susan: "I don't wanna ambush him. I'm gonna ease into it."
Gabrielle: "How do you ease into, ‘hi, I'm your illegitimate daughter'?"
Susan: "Well actually, there's a ‘help wanted' sign in the window so I was thinking about getting a job there. And, you know, he would get to know me and I'm sure he would like me and I would like him, and then one day he would say, ‘you're like the daughter I never had' and I'd say, ‘well actually, now that you've mentioned it.'"
Edie: "Okay, I'll go first. That is the most idiotic plan I've ever heard of."
Susan: "Why?"
Edie: "Because it all hinges on him responding to your personality. And let's face it, you are an acquired taste."

---

Gabrielle: "Everyone needs a strong male role model."
Edie: "No, they don't. I grew up without a father and it didn't affect me one bit."
Lynette: "Edie, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"
Edie: "Point well taken."

---

Lynette: "Word got out that you and Nina were…"
Stu: "Shagging?"
Lynette: "…being intimate. And Nina fired you to keep Ed from finding out."
Stu: "You're kidding."
Lynette: "And that wasn't right of her. She shouldn't have been having sex with you. She's upper management. Technically, it's sexual harassment."
Stu: "But, I was into it! I consented!"

---

Sister Mary: "Money can't buy happiness."
Gabrielle: "Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting."

---

Sister Mary: "Carlos is a diamond in the rough, a flawed man to be sure, but someone who is desperately searching for something to believe in. To satisfy your materialism, he ended up breaking the law. To deal with your adultery, he resorted to assault. As long as he's with you, he will never find what he's looking for."
Gabrielle: "Well, I guess he should have thought of that before he married me."
Sister Mary: "Some marriages are meant to be annulled."
Gabrielle: "What the hell kind of nun are you? Look, if you try to come between me and my husband, I will take you down."
Sister Mary: "I grew up on the south side of Chicago. If you wanna threaten me, you're gonna have to do a lot better than that."
Gabrielle: "You listen to me, you little bitch. You do not want to start a war with me."
Sister Mary: "Well, I have God on my side. Bring it on."

---

Mary Alice: "It's not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. Sinners can surprise you. And the same is true for saints.Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil? Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart. And that anyone is capable of anything."