This was typed by Lucy, Foxhidden, and Amanda, mere humans, and mistakes are possible. If you find any, no matter how trivial, please let me know. (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)

In the interest of finishing the transcripts faster, screen caps will no longer be placed on the transcripts. You can find screen caps at the following websites:
Desperate Housewives
Wisteria Lane
The Suburbs

If you know of any other screen caps sites, please e-mail them to me: (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)

Guest stars
"Andrew Van de Kamp" - Shawn Pyfrom
"Danielle Van de Kamp" - Joy Lauren
"Matthew Applewhite" - Mehcad Brooks
"Preston Scavo" - Brent Kinsman
"Porter Scavo" - Shane Kinsman
"Parker Scavo" - Zane Huett
"Caleb" - Nashawn Kearse
"George Williams" - Roger Bart
"Mrs. McClusky" - Kathryn Joosten
"Addison Prudy" - Paul Dooley
"Hector Ramos" - Danny Trejo
"Leila Mitzman" - Mia Wesley
"Ty Grant" - John Bradley
"Sophie Bremmer" - Lesley Ann Warren
"Morty Flickman" - Bob Newhart
"Ida Greenberg" - Pat Crawford Brown
"Stu" - Charlie Babcock
"Valet" - Eric Cazenave
"Minister" - Lance E. Nichols

Written by: Jenna Bans
Directed by: Stephen Cragg

Betty's House

"Betty Applewhite was a gifted woman. Everyone had always said so, ever since she was a child."

Flashback to Betty as a young girl playing scales on the piano as her piano teacher watches.

"Her first piano teacher praised her dexterity. Her first college professor applauded her sense of rhythm."

Flashback to an older Betty playing skillfully at the piano as her college professor watches.

"Her first symphony conductor hailed her dramatic flair."

Flashback to a young adult Betty playing a concerto on the piano as her symphony conductor watches.

Betty’s House – Present Day

A neighborhood watch meeting is taking place.

"But Betty was no longer a concert pianist. She was now just a woman with a secret. One she was determined to keep by any means necessary."

Mrs. McClusky: "I'm not a bit surprised that somebody broke into Gabrielle's house. Wisteria Lane is an easy target. It's not like the police patrol around here."
Tom: "We still have the neighborhood watch."
Mrs. McClusky: "Oh, the neighborhood watch is a joke. When was the last time any of you went on patrol, huh? Now, I put security lights on my house. I say it's time that we hire professional security."
Lynette: "Well, that sounds expensive."
Mrs. McClusky: "Could you really put a price on your kids' safety? Well, you probably could."
Lynette: "Look, McClusky, I am as worried as everybody else in this neighborhood, but I just don’t think that we…"

Betty and Matthew whisper to each other.

Matthew: "We've got to stop this."
Betty: "And say what, we're against security?"
Matthew: "But if they find Caleb first..."
Betty: "Hush, Matthew. I'm trying to think."

They turn back to the rest of the group.

Mrs. McClusky: "I'm not talking about a bunch of vigilantes, I'm talking about trained men who know when to shoot."
Tom: "Do we really need professional security?"
Mrs. McClusky: "Are you all gonna wait until somebody else is attacked? I think it's time to take a vote on armed security. I've had enough. All those in favor..."

Betty gets up and begins playing the beginning of Beethoven's 5th Sympthony on the piano. Everyone quiets down and turns to look at Betty,

Betty: "Oh, sorry. Things were just getting so dramatic."
Tom: "Wow, you're really good."
Mrs. McClusky: "We were taking a vote here."
Matthew: "She was a concert pianist."
Betty: "Well, I dabbled a bit."

Betty continues playing. Everyone watches her. Matthew smiles. Mrs. McClusky looks annoyed.

"Yes, Betty Applewhite was a gifted woman, and the greatest of all her gifts was her timing."

Opening Credits

Gabrielle’s House - Inside

Gabrielle is sitting in a darkened house in her robe. She opens the curtains.

"Once they’ve suffered a miscarriage, some women sit alone in the dark for hours. They refuse to go out in the light of day, afraid to face the possibility that life will go on."

Gabrielle walks over to her bed where there are baby clothes spread out all over.

"They hold onto reminders of their unborn child and dream of what might have been. Yes, this is how some women react when they've suffered such a loss."

Gabrielle grabs a bag and begins putting all the baby clothes into it.

"Gabrielle Solis was not one of those women."

Gabrielle’s House - Outside

Gabrielle comes out onto her porch carrying the bag of baby clothes, her keys, and her purse. She walks to her car and sees Bree, Lynette, and Susan approaching.

Gabrielle: "Hi, guys."
Bree: "Hi, honey."
Lynette: "Hi."
Bree: "How are you?"
Gabrielle: "I'm fine. Thank you for the messages. I'm, I'm sorry I haven't had time to return calls."
Susan: "We all cleared our schedules. We thought maybe you could use some company."
Bree: "So we're gonna go to my house. I made banana bread, and we'll put on a fresh pot, and just talk about anything."
Gabrielle: "That sounds so nice. It's just I'm booked solid today. My head's gonna explode. Can I take a rain check?"
Lynette: "Sure."
Gabrielle: "Thanks. Thanks for understanding."
Bree: "Okay, well, uh, I will call you tonight and we'll figure out a time later in the week."
Gabrielle: "Well, I'll tell you what, since it's my schedule that seems to be the problem, why don't I just figure out a time and call you?"
Susan: "Okay."
Gabrielle: "I just, I have so many errands to run and a million thing to return."

She holds up the bag from the baby store.

Bree: "Oh, honey, there's no reason why you and Carlos can't try again."
Susan: "You'd be an amazing mother."
Lynette: "You should hold onto that stuff for a while."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, you know, I would, but the store has this strict thirty-day return policy."

She gets in her car.

Fairview County Jail – Visiting Room

Carlos enters, escorted by guards. He has chains on his wrists which are connected to a long chain and his ankles chained.

Gabrielle: "Carlos, what happened?"
Carlos: "I've had a rough couple days. After you told me about the, the baby, I kind of lost it."
Gabrielle: "Carlos, your hands."
Carlos: "I ripped my mattress open."
Gabrielle: "Jeez, how are you feeling today?"
Carlos: "They're injecting me with this tranquilizer thing. I think it's doing the trick. We never even talked about names. I had my top five all picked out."
Gabrielle: "Honey."
Carlos: "You want to hear 'em?"
Gabrielle: "No, I'm good."
Carlos: "You never thought about names?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, well, it was a little soon for that, don't you think? I mean, how can you name something the size of a walnut?"

He looks at her sweater.

Carlos: "Is this new?"
Gabrielle: "Do you like it? I picked it up on the way here."
Carlos: "You just lost a baby."
Gabrielle: "We all grieve differently."
Carlos: "You seem to be taking it pretty well."
Gabrielle: "I go shopping, you rip toilets out of the wall. Different strokes."
Carlos: "Are you even sad?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, please. What do you think?"
Carlos: "Honestly? I don't know."
Gabrielle: "Of course, I’m sad. It's a sad situation. Now, let go of me."
Carlos: "Oh, man."
Gabrielle: "Honey, are you okay?"
Carlos: "I think my tranquilizer's wearing off."
Gabrielle: "Well, let's get you another round."

She waves the guard over.

Mike’s House - Outside

Mike is on a ladder, cleaning out his rain gutters. Susan walks over and stands at the bottom of the ladder.

Susan: "Hey, Mike. So my mom's wedding is in a couple days, and I know you sent back that little card saying you were coming and that you preferred beef, which, actually I changed to fish for you 'cause I tasted the beef. Anyways, I know that was before we, you know..."

Mike drops a bunch of dead, wet leaves at Susan’s feet.

Mike: "Send your mom my apologies, but I won't be attending."
Susan: "Oh. I hope that's not just because of us not being us anymore. I mean, we could be together at a wedding and it wouldn't have to be weird."
Mike: "It'd be weird."
Susan: "Of course. Yeah, I see that."

Mike drops more wet leaves at Susan’s feet.

Susan: "Oh, uh. So what have you been doing lately?"
Mike: "Oh, just the usual."
Susan: "Well, I've been writing a book. It's sort of autobiographical. Really been forcing me to reexamine some of the different things that have made me me, like the fact that my mother had me so young, and I never knew my dad. Big stuff like that. I told you about my dad, right? He was a Merchant Marine, and his platoon was killed in the Battle of Hanoi?"
Mike: "That's strange."
Susan: "Why?"
Mike: "Well, Hanoi wasn't enemy territory. There wasn't a battle there."
Susan: "Are you sure? That's what my mom said."
Mike: "I'm pretty sure, yeah. The Merchant Marines don't fight. They deliver supplies on ships."
Susan: "Oh. Well, clearly I have more research to do. So, what do you think? My life story, would you rush out and buy a copy?"
Mike: "Susan..."
Susan: "Yeah?"
Mike: "You really need to step back."

Mike throws more leaves to the ground. Susan jumps back just in time from getting hit with them.

Lynette’s House - Nighttime

Lynette drives up. Porter and Preston are tossing a football to each other in the street.

Lynette: "Porter, Preston, what have I told you about playing outside after dark?"
Porter/Preston: "It's not dark."
Lynette: "Does your dad know you're out here?"
Mrs. McClusky: "Don't worry, I've been watching 'em. They keep setting off my motion sensors. I ought to send you half my electric bill."
Lynette: "You do that. Okay, guys, come on over here. On the sidewalk. Stay there. Not on the street. Thank you."

Lynette goes inside. Tom is vacuuming.

Lynette: "Hey."
Tom: "Hi, babe."
Lynette: "I'm home. Could you come here a sec?"
Tom: "Sure. What's up?"

Lynette points out the window. Tom sees Porter and Preston playing ball outside in the dark.

Porter/Preston: "Block me, come on!"
Tom: "Damn, they must have snuck out again."
Lynette: "Again? How often does this happen?"
Tom: "Boys, get in here now! Honey, you know how slippery they are. It's like trying to herd cats."
Lynette: "Tom, it's nine o’clock at night."
Tom: "Guys, upstairs now. Let's go. Into pee-jays, into bed. Honey, they're fine. You just, you worry too much."
Lynette: "And for good reason. Someone could have driven off with them, and you wouldn't have even noticed."
Tom: "They were in the front yard. God, when I was their age, I used to hop on my bike, disappear for hours. My mom never batted an eye."
Lynette: "Yeah, well, that was a different time. You have to be more vigilant. There was a break-in on this street."
Tom: "I was at the neighborhood watch meeting, remember?"
Lynette: "I'm sorry. I've been doing this for seven years. Trust me. You have to have eyes in the back of your head."
Tom: "The two in front work just fine, thanks."
Lynette: "Really?"
Tom: "Mm-hmm."
Lynette: "Where's Penny?"

Tom looks around frantically, then sees Penny fast asleep on the couch.

Tom: "See? Right where I left her."

Bree’s House

Bree is clipping coupons out of the newspaper at the dining room table. She turns a clipping over and sees a picture of herself. She matches it to the paper and sees it is an engagement announcement for her and George.

Pharmacy

Bree puts the paper in front of George.

Bree: "How did this get in the paper?"
George: "I, I was going to call you."
Bree: "We discussed this. We agreed to go slowly."
George: "I, I was going to call and cancel after our talk, but things just got so hectic, I, I forgot."
Bree: "Rex has only been dead for seven weeks."
George: "So?"
Bree: "So, I don't want every woman in this town talking about me behind my back."
George: "I'm sorry, but isn't the damage done?"
Bree: "Well, fortunately, people only read the announcements when there's nothing in the front page, and the headline today was about some catastrophic flood in Sri Lanka."
George: "Oh, so we lucked out."
Bree: "Yes, we did. Now, when the time comes to go public with our relationship, I need you to discuss it with me first. I'm the bride, after all. It's only appropriate."
George: "Okay. I will need you to wear that ring, though."
Bree: "The ring?"
George: "You're not wearing it. Where is it?"
Bree: "It's in my purse."
George: "Oh, good. Please put it on."
Bree: "But if people see it..."
George: "They'll assume that you're wearing your wedding ring."
Bree: "Maybe, but why risk it?"
George: "Because a ring tells would-be suitors a woman is spoken for. A naked hand invites unwanted attention."

Bree gets the ring out of her purse.

George: "Here. Let me."

He slips the ring on her. Bree sees someone in line behind her.

George: "Will that be all, Mrs. Van de Kamp?"
Bree: "Uh, yes, I think so, Mr. Williams."

Wisteria Lane - Daytime

A rough-looking Hispanic man drives up in front of Gabrielle’s house in a battered old car. He gets out of his car and opens his trunk, which contains a shovel, tire iron, tools, an ice chest and various other things. He has a switchblade knife in his hand which he throws into the ice chest which contains sodas. He takes the ice chest out of the trunk.

Gabrielle’s House - Inside

Gabrielle is doing yoga in her living room. She looks behind her and sees the stranger on her porch. He stands at the front door looking through the glass. Gabrielle grabs the phone.

Gabrielle: "Ahhh! Oh, my god! What do you want?"
Hector: "Hey, hey, it's cool!"
Gabrielle: "No, it's not cool! Who the hell are you?"
Hector: "Carlos sent me!"
Gabrielle: "I'm gonna call the police!"
Hector: "Name's Hector. I met Carlos inside."
Gabrielle: "Inside what? You mean, you mean, in prison?"
Hector: "He told me what happened, asked me to come by, and keep an eye on you. Can I come in?"
Gabrielle: "No! No, you can't come in!"
Hector: "I brought a cooler. I'll camp out here."
Gabrielle: "No! Uh-uh! I can take care of myself, okay?"
Hector: "Okay."
Gabrielle: "Okay?"
Hector: "Yeah, I, I get it. You need your space."
Gabrielle: "Yes. Yes, I do. I need my space. Thank you."

Hector turns and leaves. He gets in his car and Gabrielle locks the dead bolt on the door. He smiles and drives away.

Lynette’s House - Daytime

Tom: "Come here. I want to show you something."
Lynette:: "Okay."
Tom: "Come here."
Lynette: "Hi, guys."
Tom: "I thought about what you said. Don't want you to worry. So I had a little talk with the boys."
Lynette: "Oh."
Tom: "Okay, guys, what do we do if a stranger asks us to take a ride in their car?"

Porter raises his hand in the air.

Tom: "Porter."
Porter: "We run away and call nine-one-one."
Tom: "Good man. Right, but what if that stranger says, ‘Hey, I know your mommy and daddy.’ What, Preston?"
Preston: "Still run away."
Tom: "Yes. Okay."
Lynette: "Can I ask a question?"
Tom: "Yeah, by all means."
Lynette: "What if the stranger is nice and not scary? Yes?"
Preston: "Run away and call nine-one-one."
Lynette: "So, what if the stranger says they're gonna take you to the circus for pizza and elephant rides? Don't look at your dad. Eyes on me. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?"
Porter: "We…run away?"
Tom: "Yes! Snap. Okay, to the kitchen. We are having ice cream tonight."
Lynette: "You’re smiling like that actually meant something."
Tom: "Lynette, come on. We worked on this all afternoon. They get it."
Lynette: "Give me a break. You know our kids. I love them dearly, but that goes in one ear and out the other."
Tom: "I’m gonna have some ice cream"
Lynette: "Tom, you're not off the hook here."
Tom: "Lynette, I can keep my children alive. When you left this morning, there were four. When you came home, there were still four. When you come home and there are only three, then you get to lecture me."

Bree’s House - Outside

Bree is trimming a tree in the front yard when a young woman walks up.

Leila: "Excuse me. Are you Bree Van de Kamp?"
Bree: "Uh, yes, I am."
Leila: "My name is Leila Mitzman. I hope I'm not interrupting?"
Bree: "Can I help you?"
Leila: "This may sound odd but I felt I should see you. I read in the paper that you're engaged to George Williams."
Bree: "Oh, well, that announcement was a bit premature."
Leila: "But you and George are involved? In a romantic relationship?"
Bree: "Yes."
Leila: "Then we need to talk."

Bree’s House - Inside

Leila and Bree are sitting on the couch. Bree pours tea for Leila.

Leila: "We'd been dating for six months when he asked me to marry him. From the moment I said yes, George got so possessive, and when he found out my ex lived just down the street, George accused me of seeing him behind his back. And then one night, I got a call from the police. Someone had set my ex's car on fire. I could never prove anything, but I knew it was George. I left him the next day."
Bree: "Well, I don't know what to say."
Leila: "I know. It's upsetting."
Bree: "Yes, it is. To have a complete stranger come into my home, drink my tea, and then try to turn me against one of the sweetest men I have ever known."
Leila: "Honey, you got to trust me. George is a whack job, and you should get while the getting's good."
Bree: "I think it's time for you to leave."
Leila: "One time, I was talking to a guy at a bar, and when we got home, George slapped me. What do you say to that?"
Bree: "I say, given your overall demeanor and your freewheeling use of epithets, I'm willing to bet that he was provoked."
Leila: "When I read that you were engaged to George, I felt it was my duty to let you know he's crazy. But now that I've met you, I can see it's a match made in heaven."

She storms out.

Park - Daytime

Sophie is wearing a wedding veil and carrying flowers.

Susan: "I'm here. Hi, Morty, Reverend Hopkins. I'm sorry I'm late to your rehearsal."
Sophie: "Oh, it's okay. It's all right. You're here now. It's fine. Go in front of me. Okay, Reverend, hit it!"

The minister turns on a tape player and the wedding march plays.

Susan: "Mom, can I ask you a question?"
Sophie: "You've got to march, Susie. Got to march."
Susan: "Oh. Oh. I was just researching my book and I, I found the strangest thing. No one with my father's name was ever a Merchant Marine."
Sophie: "Ddid I say Merchant? Well, I just meant the regular Marines."
Susan: "Oh, well, yeah, I thought you probably did. So I checked that, too, and he wasn't there and so I called the V.A., and there is not a single record of anyone named Harrison Ross in Vietnam."
Sophie: "This is not the time, Susie."
Morty: "What's, what's the holdup, ladies?"
Susan: "Well, I'm sorry to upset you, Mom, I just, don't you think that's weird?"
Morty: "What's, what's weird?"
Susan: "Well, there's no record of anyone with my dad's name in the armed services."
Morty: "Oh, well, there it is."
Susan: "There what is?"
Sophie: "Morty, just go on back up there."
Morty: "Look, I'm, I'm not gonna say that I knew this would happen, but I knew this would happen."
Susan: "Mom, I need answers."
Sophie: "Do you have to do this now? You are ruining my wedding rehearsal."
Susan: "Well, you've been married four times. I think you got it down."
Sophie: "I will not stand here and be attacked!"

Sophie turns and walks away. Susan grabs the veil.

Susan: "Mom, don't walk away from me."
Sophie: "What do you want me to say? You want me to say I'm a bad mother? Fine! I'm a bad mother! Are you happy now?"

Sophie runs away, crying.

Susan: "Mom! Mom."

Susan chases her mom. Morty is standing with the minister. The minister stares at Morty.

Morty: "Yes, yes, I, I know what I'm getting into."

Parking Lot - Daytime

Morty walks toward his car.

Susan: "Morty? Morty, have you seen my mom?"
Morty: "Yeah. Yeah, she seemed, uh, she seemed pretty upset. I, I think, I think she took a cab home. You need, you need a ride?"
Susan: "I need to you tell me the truth about my father."
Morty: "Hop in. When, uh, when I was in Korea, I was stationed outside of, uh, Pusan, and we'd, uh, we'd, we'd get these, these passes, you know, and we'd, and we'd go into town, and, you know, we'd have a, have a few beers, and we used to call it R and R in, in military lingo."
Susan: "Yeah, well, I know what R and R means. So what does this have to do with my father?"
Morty: "Well, that's, that's what I’m getting to. Um, anyway, there were these, these young ladies. Professional ladies if you know what I mean."
Susan: "Morty, can, can we just move this along?"
Morty: "Okay. Long story short, it's just I never figured that my first time with a woman would, would be in an alley, behind a Korean noodle stand with, with my fatigues down around my, my ankles."
Susan: "Okay, again, what does this have to do with my father?"
Morty: "We, we've all done things that, uh, you know, that we're ashamed of. I mean, you know, we all, we all have secrets. Your, your, your father wasn't a war hero. And he, he wasn't in Viet, Vietnam."
Susan: "Well, why would my mother tell me that?"
Morty: "Uh, Sophie wasn't, wasn't married to your father. I'm, I'm not, I'm not sure she even, she even knew his name.
Susan: "Are you saying that I'm the result of my mother having a one-night stand?"
Morty: "Well, like, like I said, we've all, you know, we've, we've all done things that we're, that we're ashamed of."

Pharmacy

George is stocking the shelves. Bree approaches.

Bree: "George."
George: "Bree. This is a surprise."
Bree: "I'm sorry to drop by unannounced, but I just had this disturbing visit from an old friend of yours. A Leila Mitzman."
George: "She, uh, shouldn't have contacted you."
Bree: "Well, she did, and she said some pretty horrible things about you."
George: "You should know that she's a renowned liar."
Bree: "That's what I thought, at first, but then having had time to think about it, I can't understand why she'd go to so much trouble. I mean, what would her motive be?"
George: "She's obsessed with me. She still wants me. Wasn't it obvious?"
Bree: "No."
George: "The woman is absolutely certifiable. What's more, I can prove it."

Later, George is in front of the pharmacy computer, pulling up records.

George: "Leila was a customer here. Even though she's no longer welcome, we still keep her prescriptions on file."

He hands her a print out.

Bree: "Fluoxetine, one hundred milligrams. Risperidone, two fifty milli... I'm sorry. What is this?"
George: "One is an antidepressant for mood swings. One is an antipsychotic to control hallucinations. Like I said, she's a very troubled lady."
Bree: "Well, then why did you date her in the first place?"
George: "In the beginning, you're blind to the flaws, right?"
Bree: "That's true, in the beginning."
George: "So we're good?"
Bree: "Yeah, of course we are."

Bree walks away. She goes behind a rack where George can’t see her and removes the engagement ring, putting it in her purse. George, at the computer, deletes the name "Leila Mitzman" from the screen and types in "Ethel Hollings."

Gabrielle’s House

Gabrielle come out the front door onto the porch. Hector is sitting there.

Hector: "Your mail came."
Gabrielle: "You said you were leaving."
Hector: "No, I said I was giving you space. I did. I was watching you from my car."
Gabrielle: "Look, the guy who broke in stole ice cream. I don't think I'm in any danger. So you can go. I don't need you."
Hector: "Carlos says you do. Where are you going?"
Gabrielle: "Shopping. Not that it's any of your business."
Hector: "You sure like to shop."
Gabrielle: "Yes, I do."
Hector: "That's all I've seen you do the past day and a half."
Gabrielle: "Uh-huh."
Hector: "All that shopping must be making up for something."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"
Hector: "You know, Carlos has your number. He says you're one tough cookie. So tough, you don't have to deal with your feelings. He's a perceptive man."
Gabrielle: "He thought I was cheating with two gay guys. Are you sure you want to go with perceptive?"
Hector: "Well, let's see. It's been what, a week since you lost your baby?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah, so?"
Hector: "So, I never heard of shopping out the pain."
Gabrielle: "Why is everyone on my back about this? I will deal with my loss my way, okay?"

Gabrielle gets into her car and drives away.

Betty’s House - Nighttime

Matthew comes downstairs, putting on his jacket.

Betty: "Where are you going?"
Matthew: "Ah, I, uh, I just thought I would go out and look some more. I'm gonna try the park."
Betty: "In the middle of the night?"
Matthew: "Well, yeah. Well, he hasn't really been showing his face in the daylight, has he? Or would you rather we just let Caleb run loose? He could be in trouble. Or hurting another girl."
Betty: "He didn't hurt Mrs. Solis, Matthew. He was just hungry."
Matthew: "Yeah, well, I wasn't talking about Mrs. Solis, but you know that."

Matthew walks out. When he gets to the park, he walks around as though looking for someone. He walks around a bush and smiles. Danielle is sitting on the bench waiting for him.

Reception Room

Sophie is fixing the flowers. Susan walks in, carrying a dress in a dry cleaner's bag.

Sophie: "So, are you still going to be my Matron of Honor?"
Susan: "Of course I am. I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not still a little freaked out. I am. But I did a lot of thinking about it this morning, and I, I think I understand. You wanted to protect me, and you thought I needed a hero. I had one. You."

They hug.

Sophie: "I was always so worried I would screw you up."
Susan: "Well, I am screwed up, but it wasn't your fault. Entirely."
Sophie (laughing): "Oh."

Advertising Agency

Lynette goes over to Stu’s desk.

Lynette: "Hey, Stu. You busy?"
Stu: "No, just updating my blog."
Lynette: "’Cause I've got an important assignment for you."
Stu: "Great. I'm really ready to take on more responsibility around here."
Lynette: "Yeah, I applaud that, but what I need is for you to help me to prove a point to my husband."
Stu: "Oh. You want to make him jealous."
Lynette: "Uh, no. Actually, I need you to kidnap my children."

Lynette’s House - Daytime

Porter and Preston are playing outside. Tom and Lynette are watching them from inside.

Twin: "Stop hitting me!"
Tom: "Okay, so what am I supposed to be looking at?"
Lynette: "Just wait for it. Okay, here he comes."
Tom: "What's going on?"
Lynette: "I'm just trying to prove a point."

Stu drives up slowly to the Scavo twins playing in their front yard.. Stu, from his car, yells out to the boys.

Stu: "Hi, little boys."
Tom: "Hell, who is that?"
Lynette: "It's just Stu from our office."
Stu: "You guys want to go for a ride?"
Tom: "And is he abducting our kids?"
Lynette: "Maybe."
Tom: "This is crazy."
Lynette: "Why? Are you worried they might get in?"
Stu: "We can go to the, uh, carnival. You like carnivals?"
Porter/Preston: "We're not allowed to talk to strangers."
Tom: "Run, boys!"
Stu: "So, uh, why don't you boys get in the car..."
Tom: "Run away. Run!"
Stu: "Get in the car, and I’ll give you some candy."
Porter/Preton: "Yeah! Candy!"

The boys run up to Stu’s car.

Tom: "Why aren't they running away?"
Lynette: "Well…"
Tom: "This is not the time to be smug. Clearly our sons are idiots."

The twins are sitting in the back of Stu’s car while he is giving them candy. Mrs. McClusky approaches and taps at Stu’s window. Stu rolls his window down.

Mrs. McClusky: "Hi."
Stu: "Hi."

Mrs. McClusky zaps Stu in the neck with a Taser gun. Stu shrieks.

Lynette: "Oh, my god!"
Stu: "Ow!"

Mrs. McClusky opens the back door while holding the Taser on Stu’s neck.

Mrs. McClusky: "Run, kids, run! Run! No, you don't."

Stu climbs out of the car.

Stu: "Oww."
Mrs. McClusky: "You pervert! Oh, no. You're not going anywhere!"

Lynette and Tom run outside. Mrs. McClusky has Stu writhing on the ground.

Wedding Reception

Morty speaks into the microphone.

Morty: "And um, anyway, after, after we, we wrap this shindig, I'm whisking my new bride, uh, away on a four-month cruise around the world. I, I would have been happy with a, a weekend in Vegas, but you know…"

He makes a sound like a whip cracking.

Morty: "Anyway, here, here she is. My, um, my, my beautiful bride."
Sophie: "I want to thank everyone for coming, and especially my Morty, who's helped me be a better person. And I want to thank my amazing daughter, Susan, and tell her how much I appreciate her love and respect, because I'm a horrible person, and she deserves so much better than me."
Morty: "Honey, honey."
Sophie: "No, no, no, no, no. Susan needs to know the truth. Your father was not a one-night stand. He was thirty-three, and he was married, and he was my boss. When I told him I was pregnant, he broke it off, and he never spoke to me again. But he gave me my beautiful, incredible daughter, and for that, I want to thank Addison Prudy."
Susan: "Oh, my god. Do you know where he is?"
Sophie: "I have no idea. I swear, if I knew, I, I would tell you."
Guest: "Uh, I know Addison Prudy. He runs the feed and supply store at Third and Sutherland. Uh, Prudy's a fairly common name of c..., so."
Susan: "Is that him?"
Sophie: "Yes."
Susan: "Are you saying that all this time my father has been alive, and just right across town running the supply and feed store?"
Sophie: "Susan..."
Susan: "I can't believe this!"

Susan runs out. Julie follows.

Morty: "You're not, you're not still, still seeing him, are you?"

Restaurant - Nighttime

Bree and George sit at a table.

George: "Is something wrong? You've been so quiet all evening."
Bree: "No, no, I'm just tired, that's all."
George: "Care to dance? It might pep you up."
Bree: "I don't think so. But thank you, though."
George: "Bree, where is your ring?"
Bree: "Oh, um, the, the stone is loose. So I'm gonna take it to the jewelers. But don't worry, it's safe."
George: "This isn't about Leila, is it?"
Bree: "No. No. It's like I told you, the stone could just pop off at any second."
George: "Well, I don't care. Please put it on."
Bree: "What?"
George: "I want you to wear it."
Bree: "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to."
George: "Why not?"
Bree: "Because I don't feel like it. And this is the last time we're gonna talk about this, okay?"

A man walks up to their table.

Ty Grant: "Excuse me, ma'am. We don't allow members of Zeta Beta Kappa in here."
Bree: "Ty! Ty Grant. Oh, hi! What are you doing in town?"

Bree stands up and hugs Ty.

Ty: "Visiting my folks."
Bree: "Oh, my goodness. Oh, George, this is Ty Grant. We used to date in college. Ty, this is George, um, he's a good friend of mine."

George shakes Ty’s hand.

George: "Actually, we're engaged."
Ty: "Bree, you look fantastic. You haven't aged a day."
Bree: "Ty, would you like to dance?"
Ty: "Sure. I'd love to."
Bree: "Let me take your coat."

Bree and Ty go out onto the dance floor. George watches them. He opens Bree’s purse and takes out the ring, then goes onto the dance floor.

George: "I need to cut in."
Bree: "George, would you please sit down? You're being rude."
Ty: "Am I in the middle of something?"
George: "Well, at least put on the ring."
Bree: "No. George, I don't want to."

George grabs Bree’s hand.

George: "We are engaged. You have to wear it!"
Ty: "Hey, knock it off, man."
Bree: "George, stop it."

George punches Ty.

George: "I'm sorry. I just, we're engaged."
Bree: "See, the thing is, I don't think we are anymore."
George: "Bree."
Bree: "Please, you should go."
Ty: "I'm really sorry."

George walks back to the table. He places the ring on Bree’s purse and puts money on the table. He sees the valet parking ticket sitting in Ty’s jacket and takes it and the ring.

Valet Parking

Valet: "Oh, hi."

He takes the ticket and points a few feet way to a Porsche convertible.

Valet: "Right over there, sir. Management likes us to keep the nice cars out front."

George gets into the car and drives away.

Gabrielle’s House

Hector is sitting on Gabrielle’s porch. He opens his switch blade knife and cuts up an apple. Gabrielle walks up.

Hector: "Afternoon. New hairdo?"
Gabrielle: "So what if it is?"
Hector: "It looks nice, that's all."
Gabrielle: "You know, I also got a facial, and later on, I'm gonna get a pedicure and an eyebrow wax, so there."
Hector: "It's fine with me."
Gabrielle: "No, it's not, because I know what you're thinking."
Hector: "Yeah?"
Gabrielle: "You know what? I am tired of you judging me. What is it gonna take to get rid of you, hmm? What's your last name?"

Gabrielle takes out her checkbook.

Hector: "Ramos."
Gabrielle: "Ramos. Here is one thousand dollars. I won't tell Carlos you didn't stick around. It'll be our little secret."
Hector: "I just got out of prison. I'm not exactly set up with a bank account. Can we go to your bank and cash this?"
Gabrielle: "And then you'll leave?"
Hector: "Hey, it's a grand."

Later, Gabrielle sits in the passenger seat of Hector’s car.

Hector: "Buckle up."
Gabrielle: "You don't have a, a window thingy."
Hector: "Nope."
Gabrielle: "You don't have a door handle, either."

Hector locks the doors from his side.

Hector: "Nope. But I do have a confession to make. Carlos didn't really send me to protect you."

Hector speeds away with Gabrielle locked in his car.

Park - Daytime

Hector pulls the car onto an empty field.

Hector: "Go figure. No one else in the park. We got it all to ourselves. Perfect."

Hector gets out. Gabrielle appears frightened. Hector comes around and opens Gabrielle’s door.

Hector: "Why don't you go find us a good spot? I gotta get something out of the trunk."

Gabrielle takes off running.

Hector: "Hey, where the hell you going?"

Gabrielle stops running and looks at Hector who is standing there, holding a red balloon.

Gabrielle: "You're not gonna kill me?"
Hector: "I hadn't planned on it. Besides, if I was gonna kill you, I wouldn't use a balloon. It would take too long."
Gabrielle: "What am I supposed to think? You lie about protecting me and then you lock me in that heap without door handles so I can't get out."
Hector: "Carlos sent me to help you with your grief."
Gabrielle: "You're kidding, right?"
Hector: "No. Look, I know a little something about loss. It can take you to some real dark places, especially if you don't face it head-on, like seventeen years in a six-by-ten prison cell. Dark."

Hector hands her the balloon.

Gabrielle: "What's this for?"
Hector: "The balloon represents the spirit of the life lost. By letting it go, you're acknowledging the pain you feel and releasing it at the same time."
Gabrielle: "Okay, that's ridiculous. Besides, I don't feel what you think I'm feeling."
Hector: "Then it should be real easy."
Gabrielle: "Fine, if I do this, will you go?"
Hector: "Yeah."
Gabrielle: "Okay, should I say something?"
Hector: "If you want to."
Gabrielle: "Not really, no."
Hector: "It's cool."

Gabrielle stands there, still holding on to the balloon.

Hector: "Anytime."
Gabrielle: "This is stupid. I didn't even want this baby."
Hector: "Yeah."
Gabrielle: "And I would've been a terrible mother."
Hector: "If you say so."
Gabrielle: "If it was a boy, I was gonna name it Charlie."
Hector: "Yeah?"
Gabrielle: "And a girl, Aurora."
Hector: "Those are nice names."
Gabrielle: "Thank you."

Gabrielle releases the balloon and watches it float away.

Mike’s House - Nighttime

In the living room, Bongo begins growling and barking. He runs to the front door.

Mike: "What is it, boy?"

Lights go on outside. Mike looks outside and sees Caleb running by. Caleb stops at parked car, trying to find an unlocked door. Mike runs outside. Caleb pounds on the car in frustration. He runs and Mike tackles him. Mrs. McClusky come running with her Taser. Mike is holding Caleb down.

Mrs. McClusky: "What's going on out here?"
Mike: "Call the police!"
Mrs. McClusky: "You need me to zap him?"
Mike: "Just call the police."

Wisteria Lane - Nighttime

Police car lights are flashing. Two officers are escorting a handcuffed Caleb to the police car.

Mike: "Is that the guy who broke into your house?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, I don't know. I can't see him."

The officer turn him toward the crowd and shines a flashlight on his face.

Gabrielle: "Yeah, that's him."

"In a world filled with darkness, we all need some kind of light."

Empty Field - Nighttime

A car is on fire. George, holding the engagement ring, watches the car burn.

"Whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost…"

Lynette’s House - Nighttime

Tom stands on the porch, watching the twins play outside.

Twins: "Two, four, six, eight..."

"…or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters..."

Prudy’s Feed Store - Nighttime

Mr. Prudy is locking up. Susan, sitting in a dark car across the street, watches him.

"Or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past. We all need something to help us get through the night."

Wisteria Lane - Nighttime

All the neighbors watch as Caleb is driven away in the police car. The car passes Betty and Matthew. Betty holds her finger up to her mouth, gesturing silence. Caleb nods.

"Even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope."

~ The End ~

This transcript was compiled and completed on December 10, 2005 by Amanda (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com) and Lucy.
Last Update: December 10, 2005

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