This was typed by Lucy, Foxhidden, and Amanda, mere humans, and mistakes are possible. If you find any, no matter how trivial, please let me know. (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)

In the interest of finishing the transcripts faster, screen caps will no longer be placed on the transcripts. You can find screen caps at the following websites:
Desperate Housewives
Wisteria Lane
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Guest stars
"Andrew Van de Kamp" - Shawn Pyfrom
"Danielle Van de Kamp" - Joy Lauren
"Matthew Applewhite" - Mehcad Brooks
"Preston Scavo" - Brent Kinsman
"Porter Scavo" - Shane Kinsman
"Parker Scavo" - Zane Huett
"Caleb" - Page Kennedy
"George Williams" - Roger Bart
"Leonard Harper" - Larry Miller
"Dr. Goldfine" - Sam Lloyd
"Norma Harper" - Meagen Fay
"Francine Williams" - Linda Dano
"Ceal" - Maree Cheatham
"Vern" - Alec Mapa
"Mother #2" - Maria Cominis
"Stan Grazi" - Eddie Kehler
"Luis" - Albert Garcia
"Paramedic" - Lionel Carson
"Jimmy Harper" - Brecken Palmer
"P.J. Harper" - Bridger Palmer
"Ralph" - Alejandro Patino
"Allison" - Tanja Reichert

Written by: Marc Cherry
Directed by: David Grossman

Wisteria Lane - Daytime

A young mother takes her daughter out of her van and they walk up to a neighbor’s house.

"It is often said that necessity is the mother of invention. This is how mothers came to invent play dates. So occasionally they could have a little time for themselves."

Another young mother answers the door. The little girl enters the house. The first mother begins to walk back to her van.

Mother #1: "If you need me, I’ll be at the salon."

"But there are some mothers who don’t get to take advantage of this maternal innovation. Mothers like Lynette Scavo..."

Lynette, pushing Penny in a stroller, flanked by Porter, Preston and Parker come up the street.

"...who was no longer able to rest on weekends..."

Lynette: "Guys, stop it! Stop it, I mean it, come on!"

"...because her twins no longer received play date invitations. Ever since they had convinced Sasha Eden’s boy that a pair of magic wings would allow him to fly."

Flashback – Sasha Eden is sitting on the grass with her son wrapping his injured ankle. Sasha is looking up angrily at the Scavo balcony where Parker and Preston are looking down at them.

"And they had double dared Sharon Chasin’s boy to ride his bike blindfolded."

Flashback – Sharon Chasin is tending to an injury on her son’s hand. She angrily looks toward the street where the twins are standing by a light pole with a broken bike at their feet.

"And they had encouraged Lisa Seigmann’s boy to try an exciting new game called, ‘Toss the Brick.'"

Flashback – Lisa Siegmann’s son is laying on the grass next to a broken brick. Lisa is placing an ice pack on her son’s forehead and looks angrily toward the Scavo twins who are standing innocently near a pile of bricks.

"The Scavo twins had become persona-non-grata..."

Present day – Lynette is sitting in the park dreamily watching all the other mothers and their kids playing peacefully together.

"...and Lynette’s secret dream of being able to take an occasional nap on Saturdays was growing dimmer and dimmer."

Lynette is startled by the sound of her twins yelling. She sees their legs, entangled with other legs behind a fence. She runs toward them and finds another younger set of twins wrestling with her twins.

"Until one day..."

Lynette: "Hey, hey, hey, Porter, Preston, knock it off. All right, did you hear me, I said stop it. Stand up. Stand up! Come here!"

She pulls the kids apart and pulls the other twins toward her.

Lynette: "I’m so sorry. Did my sons beat you up?"
Jimmy/PJ: "No, we were beating them up."
Lynette: "Is that true? Did they beat you up?"
Parker/Preston: "Ah, it didn’t hurt that much."

Jimmy and PJ’s mother, Norma, comes running up.

Norma: "Jimmy, PJ, what are you doing? What have I told you about ganging up on people?" (to Lynette) "I am so sorry."
Lynette: "Ah, no, it’s, it’s okay. Believe me, my boys can take care of themselves."
Norma: "If they got hurt at all, I’ll pay for the doctor bills."
Lynette: "No, not to worry. I got the feeling they were sort of enjoying themselves."
Norma: "Really?"

Lynette nods yes. Jimmy’s mother looks at Parker and Preston.

Norma: "What would you say to bringing your boys over to my house and letting them hang out with mine some time?"

Lynette smiles.

"And that’s how Lynette finally got what she needed..."

Lynette's House

Lynette is taking a nap on the couch when the doorbell rings.

"...time for herself, and play dates for her kids."

Lynette goes to the door. Norma is standing there with Parker and Preston. Both boys are banged up and Preston is holding a tissue to his nose.

Norma: "I’m sorry, but my boys decided to have a rock fight with your boys."
Preston: "It was fun!"

"Play dates she was determined to keep..."

Lynette: "Well, they look fine to me."

"...at all costs."

The boys go into the house and Norma turns to leave.

Lynette: "Same time next week?"

Norma: "Okay."

Opening Credits

"Cameras are simple tools designed to capture images. Images that tell us more about ourselves than we realize."

Focus on a photo of Bree, Mary Alice, Gabrielle, Lynette, and Susan.

"They remind us of the long journey we’ve taken."

Focus on a picture of Susan, Karl, and Julie.

"The loved ones who traveled alongside of us."

Focus on a picture of the entire Scavo family.

"Those we lost along the way."

Focus on the wedding picture of Bree and Rex.

"And those waiting for us on the road ahead."

Gabrielle's House

Focus on a sonogram photo with a coffee cup on top of it. Someone picks up the dish and the photo is revealed to be labeled Gabrielle Solis. Edie, Susan, Bree and Gabrielle are sitting around the table having ice cream.

Edie: "Okay, how am I supposed to eat with a uterus staring me in the face?"
Susan: "Oh, Gabby, I didn’t know you got a sonogram. Let me see. Oh!"

Susan wipes the photo with her sleeve.

Bree: "Honey, you need to put that in a frame or something."
Gabrielle: "I don’t think so."
Bree: "Oh come on, that’s a picture of your baby. You can’t tell me you’re not a little bit excited."

Gabrielle throws the picture into a drawer.

Gabrielle: "Fine, I’m pregnant. Whee! Now come on, we are supposed to be cheering up Susan. This is a time of crisis and I think you need another scoop of mint chocolate chip."
Susan: "Thanks."
Edie: "Susan. Why are you so eerily calm? Mike Delfino just dumped you. The Susan Mayer I know would be a blubbering mess right now. Oh, come on, trot her on out. She’s fun to watch."
Susan: "Actually, I think I’m starting to feel pretty Zen about the whole thing."
Bree: "Well, I think Mike will calm down in a couple of days and come to his senses."
Susan: "No, I came between the man and his son. There’s a huge betrayal. I, I can’t even blame him for hating me."
Gabrielle: "But Zach was starting to obsess with Julie again."
Bree: "Exactly. You’re a mother trying to protect her child. It’s a natural impulse."
Susan: "Over the past couple of days, I gave myself a long hard look in the mirror and I did not like what I saw."
Edie: "I’m with you. Carry on."
Susan: "I just think if I start acting like an adult for once, maybe, who knows, somewhere down the line, Mike and I at least can be friends."
Edie: "All right, you’re not Zen. You’re numb."
Susan: "I’m fine. You got any pie?"
Gabrielle: "Not unless we make some."
Susan: "I can wait."

Lynette's House

Norma and Leonard are dropping off their kids for a play date. Jimmy and PJ run inside.

Tom: "Whoa!"
Norma: "So if you need us, we’ll be at home just having a quiet evening."

Sounds of something breaking come from inside the house.

Tom: "Funny, we’re expecting quite the opposite."
Leonard: "Well, don’t forget, next week it’s our turn. We’ll taking Porter and…"
Norma: "...Preston…"
Leonard: "...Preston off your hands all weekend."
Lynette: "Rest assured, we have not forgotten. See ya!"
Norma: "Bye."
Lynette: "Don’t worry."

Porter and Preston are coming downstairs.

Tom: "Whoa, guys. Whoa, why aren’t you upstairs with PJ and Jimmy?"
Preston: "They’re watching this dumb video they brought"
Porter: "It’s boring."
Lynette: "Well, you should be polite and watch it too. You know they’re your guests."

The boys continue going downstairs.

Tom: "Guys!"

Scavo Children's Room

Parker and the twins are watching a video tape.

Lynette: "Hey, guys. We got snacks!"
Leonard (on the TV, wearing boxer shorts): "We’re good to go. Okay, ready?"
Norma: (on the TV, wearing a bra and panties) "Okay."
Leonard (on the TV): "All right, hang on now, I’m just getting up."
Lynette: "Guys, what is this?"
Jimmy/PJ: "A movie. Mommy and Daddy made it."

On the TV screen, Norma and Leonard are on the bed, almost naked.

Leonard: "Whoa. What’s under there?"
Norma: "Peek a boo! Peek a boo!"
Lynette: "Oh my god! Oh my god, where’s the off button?"

Lynette runs to the TV and tried to turn off the tape.

Tom: "It’s, it’s underneath the panel thing."
Lynette: "Well, it’s stuck. Get the remote! Get the remote!"

Lynette blocks the TV and Tom scrambles around for the remote.

Parker: "What’s wrong?"
Lynette: "Oh, uh..."
Tom: "I found it."

Tom pushes a button on the remote. The TV turns off.

Lynette: "Oh."
Parker: "So can we have the cocoa now?"

Lynette nods yes and looks toward Tom.

Boutique

Outside the dressing room.

Vern: "Well, what do you think?"

Gabrielle comes out of the dressing room wearing a turquoise blue dress.

Gabrielle: "It is glorious. I have to have it."
Vern: "I’m not sure you deserve Dolce and Gabbana."
Gabrielle: "Vern."
Vern: "You never call, you never write."
Gabrielle: "I know I haven’t been to the store lately but I’ve been a little busy getting my husband out of jail."
Vern: "That’s such a white-trash thing to say."
Gabrielle: "Luckily, the judge dropped the hate crime charge. So now all Carlos has to do is serve out the slave labor thing. He’ll be out in six months."
Vern: "If he’s still in the hoosgow, why do you need the fancy party dress."
Gabrielle: "Because some of my model friends are coming down from New York on Friday so I have to look better than ever. I can’t have them thinking I moved to the suburbs and I shop at strip malls."
Vern: "When they see this dress they will crumple to the floor like the Botox tags they are."
Gabrielle: "Good. You know what? It’s a little snug."
Vern: "Yeah, I see that. I have the same thing in a zero, why not go up a size?"
Gabrielle: "Because I wear a double zero, you twerp!"
Vern: "Why are you getting snippy?"
Gabrielle: "Because you just called me fat!"
Vern: "Honey, you’re pregnant. Your body’s changing."
Gabrielle: "But I’m only three months pregnant. Women don’t show at three months."
Vern: "Some women do. Do you want the larger size or not?"
Gabrielle: "I’m just not gonna eat for two days."
Vern: "Okay, you totally deserve to wear Dolce and Gabana."

Wisteria Lane - Daytime

Susan approaches Mike’s house. She hears Edie yelling and looks over. Edie and Karl are coming out the front door. Edie grabs Karl by the arm.

Edie: "I want an explanation, Karl, do you hear me?"
Karl: "Edie, you just better get the hell off my back, so help me..."
Edie: "Oh. Oh, so what are you gonna do? I’d like to hear this. Big man, big threat."
Karl: "Back off, just back the hell off!"
Edie: "What am I..."

Susan knocks on Mike’s door.

Susan: "Hi. Okay, so I got the box on things you left on my porch."
Mike: "Yeah, I figured you’d want your stuff back."
Susan: "Thanks. That’s great. 'Cause if you decided to hang on to my Joni Mitchell CDs I’d have to come after you with a club. You’re right, it’s not funny. Actually, I did want to see if you were aware that you gave me back the Valentine’s Day card that I made you."
Mike: "I was aware, yeah."
Susan: "Oh. Well, I mean when two people split up, normally they don’t give things back like Valentine’s Day cards. If, if, you can throw it away. Just please don’t give it back to me, it’s tacky."

She hands the card to him and he takes it.

Mike: "I’m sorry."
Susan: "That’s okay. People make…"

Mike tosses the card in a trash can by the door.

Susan: "...mistakes."
Mike: "Anything else?"
Susan: "Look, are you sure this is what you want to do? I mean, I understand that you don’t want our relationship to continue, you have made that clear. But I sort of thought down the long corridors of time, maybe you and I could be friends, and if you keep acting like this..."
Mike: "Susan, it’s over. On every level. Okay, I’ve, I've moved on. You should do the same."

They both turn as Edie continues to yell at Karl, who has already gotten in his car.

Edie: "You miserable son of a bitch! If I have secrets, I'm a hell of a lot better at keeping them than you are!"

Karl speeds by in his convertible.

Susan: "Well I’ll say one thing for us. Even with all our problems we’re not acting like that."

Susan turns back toward Mike, who closes the door in her face.

Empty House

George escorts Bree blindfolded into the empty living room.

Bree: "Okay, I’m starting to get the feeling that we are not going to a yard sale."
George: "That was just a clever ruse to get you into my car. Are you ready for your surprise?"
Bree: "Um hmm."

George removes the blindfold. Bree looks all around.

Bree: "Oh. George, this is just, uh, an empty house. Why is this a surprise?"
George: "I just bought it."
Bree: "Oh, my god! Congratulations. Oh George, I didn’t even know you were looking."

Two women come out of the door down the hall.

Francine Williams: "Hurry, Ceal, they’re here."
Ceal: "Coming. Hey Georgie."
George: "Bree, I’d like you to meet my mother."
Francine: "George never introduces me to anyone. So I knew you were special."
George: "And this is Ceal, my mother’s friend and the real estate agent who sold me the house."
Ceal: "Hi."
Bree: "Hi."
Francine: "Well, we’re gonna go in the back, so George can, you know."

The ladies leave the room.

George: "So, you really like it?"
Bree: "Uh, I do, I really do."
George: "Good, 'cause, uh, I was sorta hoping that you might like to live here. Bree," (he pulls out a ring) "will you marry me?"
Bree: "Huh?"
George: "I love you and I think I know how you feel about me. So why wait?"
Bree: "George, Rex hasn’t even been dead for two months."
George: "Yes, but if his death has taught us anything, it’s that life is short. It’s dumb to play it safe. If we see a chance for happiness we should grab it and hold on tight."
Bree: "See, I thought we were going to a yard sale."
George: "Please, just say the word and you’ll make me the happiest guy on earth."

Francine and Ceal, carrying glasses of champagne, enter the room.

Francine: "Congratulations, you two."
Ceal: "Mazel tov!"
George: "Guys, wait, she hasn’t said yes yet."
Francine: "Oh."
Ceal: "I told you we should wait."

The ladies leave again.

George: "So, Bree. What do you say?"
Bree: "See, George, um, the thing is..."

Bree sees Francine and Ceal peeking around the corner.

Bree: "...okay."
George: "You will? You’ll marry me?"
Bree: "Okay."

He grabs Bree and hugs her.

Francine: "Oh.. Ah. Oh my baby! Oh."

The three of them hug and Bree grabs a glass of champagne and drinks it all down.

Susan's House - Nighttime

Someone knocks on Susan’s door.

Susan: "Who is it?"
Karl: "It’s your ex-husband."
Susan: "Oh, Karl. What do you want?"

Susan opens the door and Karl is there with all his suitcases.

Karl: "Uh, Edie and I just broke up."
Susan: "Oh. Well, come on in."

Susan and Karl sit at the dining room table drinking wine.

Karl: "I’m sorry to come over on such short notice. But, I couldn’t face going to a hotel."
Susan: "Oh, that’s okay. Julie’s staying at a friend’s tonight. You can sleep in her room."
Karl: "The sofa’s fine, thanks."
Susan: "So am I allowed to ask what happened?"
Karl: "You could ask, but I won’t tell."
Susan: "Why not?"
Karl: "'Cause it’s embarrassing."
Susan: "Karl, did you cheat again?"
Karl: "No."
Susan: "Did she cheat?"
Karl: "No."
Susan: "You finally saw her without her makeup?"
Karl: "Susan."
Susan: "I’m sorry. Are you okay?"
Karl: "Yeah. Haven’t been working for quite a while. This was inevitable."
Susan: "Well, these days anybody going through a break-up gets my sympathy."
Karl: "That’s right. I heard you made the plumber angry."
Susan: "No, I made the plumber furious. That is definitely over. So there will be no gloating from me."
Karl: "Here’s to no gloating."

They clink their wine glasses together.

Susan: "Actually, I’m trying to keep a positive outlook on the whole thing. Um, last night I started writing and, well, I think there’s a book in there."
Karl: "A book?"
Susan: "Yeah."
Karl: "Like one of your children’s books?"
Susan: "Nope. This one’s for adults about all my failed relationships."
Karl: "You’re not writing about me, are you?"
Susan: "You’re, like, the first fourteen chapters."
Karl: "Are you gonna be fair?"
Susan: "I’m gonna be honest."
Karl: "I was afraid of that."

Dr. Goldfine's Office

Bree: "It was just awful. George had a ring. His mother and her friend were there with champagne. If I had said no, it would have devasted him."
Dr. Goldfine: "So you agreed to marry him just to be polite?"
Bree: "Well, obviously there’s a down side to having good manners."
Dr. Goldfine: "So, when will you tell him how you really feel?"
Bree: "That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I mean, part of me just keeps thinking maybe I should just do it."
Dr. Goldfine: "Do it? You mean actually marry him?"
Bree: "Well, I know it sounds rash, but, well, there’s something comfortable about George. We share the same tastes and interests. Oh, and best of all, he loves the opera."
Dr. Goldfine: "The opera?"
Bree: "Yes, we saw Aida last week and we both cried buckets. It was fun. George loves art, poetry, and music. It would be nice to be married to someone who looks for beauty in the world like I do. I don’t know. That’s why I’m here. I don’t know what to do, Dr. Goldfine."
Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, you’ve said many times how comfortable you are with George, but you don’t feel for him the way you felt for Rex."
Bree: "No. True love is great, but at this point in my life, I think I’d rather just go to the opera."

Susan's House

Susan and Karl are still drinking at the dining room table. Both appear a little bit drunk.

Karl: "You need another glass. Let's finish this off..."
Susan: "Oh no, no wait, no wait, no wait. Four glasses is my limit."
Karl: "If you help me finish off this bottle, I’ll tell you what happened between me and Edie."
Susan: "Hit me."
Karl: "Edie was making the bed and found a picture I kept under the mattress. A picture I didn’t want her to see."
Susan: "What was it?"
Karl: "It was a picture of you."
Susan: "Why would you...?"
Karl: "Because it’s something I like to take a look at every now and then."
Susan: "Wow."

Karl leans over and kisses Susan.

Susan (laughing): "What the hell was that?"
Karl: "That was something I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time."
Susan: "Oh, that’s just you rebounding from Edie."
Karl: "So, you’re on the rebound from the plumber. No harm, no foul."
Susan: "Karl. It'd be so weird."
Karl: "Just two old friend who suddenly find themselves single. There’s nothing weird about us helping each other out to be a little less lonely."

Lynette's House - Daytime

Norma arrives to pick up her twins.

Norma: "Thanks so much for taking care of the boys. I'll be back on Friday to pick your guys up. Leonard and I are gonna take them all to the water park."
Lynette: "Yeah, um, before that happens..."
Norma: "And we're gonna be able to take Penny soon, aren't we? She's getting so big. Peekaboo, peekaboo, peekaboo."
Lynette: "Yeah, okay, enough of that."
Norma: "Is there something wrong?"
Lynette: "Actually, yes. We've agonized whether to tell you this, Norma, but one of your private videos made its way into Jimmy and P.J.'s bag."
Norma: "Please tell me the kids didn't see it."
Tom: "Oh, no, don't worry. I caught it, I caught it right before you took off your bra."
Norma: "I have to go."
Lynette: "Oh, Norma. Norma, we just thought you needed to know what happened."
Tom: "Seriously, we're, we're cool with it so long as you keep it away from the kids."
Norma: "I told Leonard this was gonna happen!"

Norma runs to her car and gets in quickly.

Norma: "Jimmy, P.J., close the door! Are we all buckled up?"

She speeds away and Lynette shouts after the car.

Lynette: "Norma, wait! We're still on for next week! Norma! The water park! Right?"

Susan's House - Morning

Julie walks into the house. She goes upstairs to Susan’s room and opens the door to see Karl and Susan, asleep in bed together.

Julie: "Mom! Mom? Mom, are you up? Mom, oh, my god!"
Susan: "Oh. Julie! I thought you were going straight to school."
Julie: "I, I needed money for lunch."
Karl: There's a twenty in my pants if you can find 'em."
Susan: "Oh, uh, Julie, uh oh, Julie, uh..."
Karl: "Honey."

Julie runs out of the room and goes downstairs. Susan follows.

Susan: "Okay, there is a good explanation for what happened."
Julie: "I doubt that."
Susan: "You probably don't know that your father and Edie broke up last night."
Julie: "You slept with him the same night he broke up with her?"
Susan: "Well, I said it was a good explanation, not a great one."
Julie: "Oh!"
Susan: "Oh, Julie."

Karl walks in buckling his pants.

Karl: "Hey, pumpkin."
Julie: "Don't even!"

Julie walks out.

Susan: "Oh, now I feel really awful."
Karl: "Me too."
Susan: "We should not have done what we did."
Karl: "I know, I know. But I gotta tell you, last night was the best sex ever."
Susan: "Wasn't it, though? You were fantastic!"
Karl: "Hey, I was just trying to keep up with you."
Susan: "Why do you think we got so good all of a sudden?"
Karl: "Because we've been angry at each other for so long, and we finally found a way to channel it."
Susan: "Maybe."
Karl: "So what happens next?"
Susan: "Well, I'm gonna take a shower."
Karl: "No, I, I mean with us."
Susan: "Us? What do you mean? There's no us."
Karl: "You can't tell me you can just walk away from this chemistry we got going. I mean, what happened last night was...explosive."
Susan: "Karl, last night was two old friends helping each other through a rough patch. That's it."
Karl: "Susie Q..."
Susan: "Karl, I want to move on. I don't want to go backwards. I'm sorry, but thank you for the explosion. I really needed it."

Susan leaves the room.

Gabrielle's House - Daytime

Gabrielle is putting on her Dolce and Gabana dress.

"After 48 hours of crash dieting, Gabrielle prepared to savor the fruit of her labor. But she was dismayed to discover that she herself had ripened considerably."

Gabrielle, unable to zip the dress up, goes out the front door and sees the gardener.

Gabrielle: "Ralph! I need help getting dressed. Get in here! Now!"

Ralph drops the rake and runs inside.

Gabrielle: "I have to fit in this, so for god's sakes, put some muscle into it."
Ralph: "I'm trying. It won't zip."
Gabrielle: "Well, try harder."
Ralph: "Oh! Ow. My hands hurt. I'm sorry, Ms. Solis, but I can't get you into this dress. It's just too small."
Gabrielle: "Get me into this dress, and I will pay you ten more dollars a week."

Later, Ralph’s partner is holding onto the zipper with pliers while Ralph is holding on to Gabrielle.

Ralph’s partner: "I think I got it. Hold on. Hold still. Here we go. One, two, three. There."
Gabrielle: "Oh! Thank god."

Gabrielle falls into a chair and the dress rips.

Betty's House

Betty and Matthew go into Caleb’s room in the basement.

Betty: "We brought you some ice cream. I know how long it's been since you’ve had any. We'll have that in a minute, sweetheart. First, I want you to talk to me about what happened about Melanie."
Caleb: "I don't want to talk about her."
Betty: "You know it breaks my heart to keep you down here like this. But I can't let you out until I am positive that you will never hurt anyone else again. And the first step is for you to show me that you understand that what you did was wrong."
Caleb: "She was a bad person. She deserved it."
Betty: "No one deserves to die like that, Caleb. Don't you agree? Very well. If that's how it's going to be, this is how it's going to be."

Betty takes the ice cream and they leave the room and lock the door. Caleb jumps up and screams. He starts pulling at the chains that bind him to the bed.

Leonard and Norma's House - Nighttime

Tom and Lynette approach the house and ring the door bell.

Tom: "I can't believe we're doing this. If Leonard and Norma want to cut ties with us, who are we to stop them?"
Lynette: "They need to know we don't judge them for what they do in the privacy of their own home. And, well, it's not unheard of to tape yourself while you're having sex."
Tom: "Well, obviously, they were so embarrassed, they don't want anything to do with us. Maybe we need to respect that."
Lynette: "I need these play dates. Tom, we need these play dates."
Tom: "Fine. Fine. But you do all the talking."
Lynette: "Okay."

Norma opens the door.

Lynette: Norma..."
Norma: "Aah!"

Norma closes the door.

Lynette: "Wait!"
Tom: "Let's go."
Lynette: "No!"

Leonard opens the door.

Leonard: "Hi, Scavos. What are you guys doing here?"
Lynette: "Hi. Sorry for just showing up unannounced, but, um, could we talk to you for a minute?"
Leonard: "Sure, come on in."
Lynette: "So, um, we've been trying to contact you, but you haven't been returning any of our messages."
Tom: "And we really hope it isn't because of the porno video."
Lynette: "Home, home movies. The fact is, we really don't care, and it's certainly no reason to keep our boys apart."
Leonard: "We just don't know how they found it."
Tom: "But you know boys, they get, they get into everything, But seriously, it's not a big deal. I mean, just as long as you make sure it never happens again. It's the new millennium. We're, we're, we're hip."
Lynette: "You know, what we're saying is, we get it. You're just having fun. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Later, the four of them sit in the living room drinking wine.

Norma: "I'm just so relieved this all worked out. At one point, we actually talked about selling the house and moving."
Lynette: "Oh, no!"
Norma: "Thank you for being so open-minded."
Tom: "Please, we're all adults. It's..."
Leonard: "I gotta tell you, the most embrarrassing part of that video is how poorly it was shot. The production values are ca-ca."
Lynette: "Well, from a lay perspective, it looked very professional."
Leonard: "What you saw was an example of my earlier work. Since then, I've become much more adept at production."
Lynette: "Ah."
Leonard; "You know, editing and lighting."
Norma: "Leonard has always dreamed of directing movies."
Leonard: "Ironic, isn't it? I finally get my wish and no one ever gets to see my work."
Lynette: "That is a damn shame."
Leonard: "Norma, what do you think? Should we show them the room? Let's show 'em the room. Huh?"

Leonard takes Lynette and Tom into a dimly lit bedroom with filming equipment around the room.

Leonard: "Check out this baby. Three-chip high-def, twelve-eighty by seven-twenty lines of resolution, bounced lighting, and dark sheets so you don't get a kick off the pillows. Took me a while to learn that little trick. These walls are completely soundproof. You could scream your lungs out in here, and nobody'd hear you."
Norma: "It's true."
Leonard: "So, anytime you wanna set up a shoot, just let me know."
Norma: "You guys'd love it. Once you get in front of that camera, you feel like a star."

Leonard and Norma's House - Outside

Tom and Lynette walk away from the house as Norma and Leonard stand on the porch.

Leonard: "Good night."
Tom: "Night." (whispering to Lynette) "I'm thinking no more play dates."
Lynette: "Not a one."

George's House - Nighttime

Bree knocks on the front door.

Bree: "Hey. We'd better hurry. The movie starts in twenty minutes."
George: "There's been a slight change in plans. My mother had a couple of friends who really wanted to meet you, and I thought, what the heck? It could be fun. Do you mind?"
Bree: "Uh, no, I, I guess not."

He opens the door fully to reveal a couple dozen people standing in the empty living room.

George: "Hey, everybody, this is Bree."

Everyone starts clapping. Bree smiles, waves, and walks inside.

Later, Bree and George are standing with Francine and several other people.

George: "And this is my Uncle Sid."
Bree: "Hi."
George: "My Aunt Rosalie."
Bree: "Hello."
George: "Oh, and this is Stan Grazi, who does my mom's taxes."
Stan: "She's a knockout, George. Guess I owe you an apology."
George: "Since I was single all these years, Stan kept telling my mom I was gay."
Stan: "I'm still gonna need some proof. But I guess I'll be getting that in about nine months, hey, Bree?"
Bree: "What happens in nine months?"
George: "That's just Stan's little joke about when we're gonna start our own family. Now just so you know, Stan, it's gonna be a while before we even think about kids. I want Bree all to myself for a while."
Francine: "Well, don't wanna wait too long. After forty, the eggs don't get any fresher. Am I right, Bree?"
Bree: "If you'll excuse me, I, uh, I have to go."

Bree takes the champagne she had been holding and walks out of the house. George follows.

George's House - Outside

George: "Bree, Bree, where are you going?"
Bree: "I am taking my champagne and my aging eggs, and I'm going home."
George: "What's wrong?"
Bree: "George, I'm starting to think that we made a mistake rushing into this engagement."
George: "What?"
Bree: "And I'm not the only one who thinks that. Other people have said the same thing."
George: "What others? Andrew?"
Bree: "No. Dr. Goldfine, my therapist."
George: "Your therapist? He doesn't know me."
Bree: "Well, he knows me, and certainly better than you do."
George: "How can you say that?"
Bree: "Well, for starters, he knows the last thing I'd ever want to do is have more children."
George: "Really? Well, I didn't know."
Bree: "But you should know that. That's the kind of thing that people who are engaged are supposed to know about each other."
George: "Well, it doesn't matter. I don't need children."
Bree: "It's not just that, George. Dr. Goldfine has other concerns about us being together, and I'm starting to think he's right."
George: "Look, I'll agree with Dr. Goldfine on one thing. We should slow things down."
Bree: "Really?"
George: "Yes. Just because two people are engaged doesn't mean they have to get married anytime soon."
Bree: "I'll talk to Dr. Goldfine about it tomorrow."
George: "Take whatever time you need."

She hands him the champagne glass, then gets in her car and drives off.

Betty's House

Matthew and Betty are walking downstairs to the basement.

Betty: "How many times am I gonna have to ask you to fix this step? Matthew, are you gonna answer me?"

Matthew sees the door to Caleb’s room is wide open.

Matthew: "Did you leave the door open?"

They both see the binding lying on the floor in the basement.

Wisteria Lane - Nighttime

Betty and Matthew run outside. They start searching the neighborhood for Caleb.

Wisteria Lane - Daytime

Betty and Matthew are still searching for Caleb. Matthew comes out of the back yard of the neighbor.

Betty: "How'd you do?"
Matthew: "Not good. People are gonna start coming home from work soon."
Betty: "Okay. We can't panic. Caleb is scared. He doesn't know the area, so he's got to be close by. Which yards haven't you checked yet?"

They look at Bree’s yard. Bree is working in her front garden. Betty approaches Bree while Matthew sneaks in the back yard.

Betty: "Bree, I desperately need your help."
Bree: "Oh, dear. What's wrong?"
Betty: "How do you get your hydrangeas to look so stunning? I'm systematically slaughtering my own garden."
Bree: "Do you really want to know my secret?"
Betty: "Oh, yes."
Bree: "Horse manure. I have it delivered. Susan makes fun of me, but the proof is in the pudding."

Bree's Backyard - Daytime

Matthew is searching the yard and doesn't see Danielle, who is also in the backyard, wearing a bikini and see-through robe. She holds a lit cigarette as she watches Matthew look through the windows of her house.

Danielle: "Hello."
Matthew: "Hey."
Danielle: "Looking for something?"
Matthew: "Uh, yeah. Actually, I'm looking for you."
Danielle: "Me? You're looking for me?"
Matthew: "Yeah. I've been thinking about you, and that time we met, I thought you were really cool."
Danielle: "So you came to ask me out? 'Cause I'll say yes."

Bree's Front Yard - Daytime

Betty: "Thank you."

Bree goes into her house and Matthew comes out from the backyard.

Betty: "Anything? Well, that was a waste of time."
Matthew: "Pretty much"

Susan's Front Yard - Daytime

Susan is watering her yard. Edie approaches.

Edie: "Did you hear the big news?"
Susan: "Uh, the big news?"
Edie: "Karl and I are back together."
Susan: "What?"
Edie: "And I know that he stayed at your place last night, which leads me to why I'm here. There's some stuff that I have to say, and it's not going to be pleasant."
Susan: "Edie, uh...".
Edie: "Whatever it was that you said to him really helped. He showed up with flowers and he apologized for everything. So, thank you."
Susan: "I'm sorry, what?"
Edie: "Well, I'm not gonna say it again. It hurt my teeth the first time."
Susan: "No, Edie. I mean, this is so unexpected on so many levels. I don't know what to say"
Edie: "Then say nothing. Oh, and, uh, here is the photo of you I found in our bed. I know he told you about it."
Susan: "Why are you giving it to me?"
Edie: "Look, I appreciate whatever it was that you did last night, but it's still important for you to understand that I won."
Susan: "You won?"
Edie: "Yeah. Whatever little hold you had on Karl is officially over. So you can stop feeling all smug and superior that he kept that thing."
Susan: "Believe me, I don't feel superior."
Edie: "Good, 'cause you shouldn't. He made his choice, and it's not you."
Susan: "You're right. He made his choice."

Edie smiles and walks off.

Gabrielle's House

Bree is altering the dress Gabrielle is wearing.

Gabrielle: "Bree, it's still too easy to breathe. You've gotta make it tighter."
Bree: "Gaby, if I make it any tighter, you won't be able to sit down."
Gabrielle: "I don't care. I can't have these girls thinking I'm pregnant."
Bree: "Do you actually think they're gonna make fun of you?"
Gabrielle: "Trust me. They're merciless."
Bree: "But why? I mean, surely they have friends who have children."
Gabrielle: "When I decided to marry Carlos, I told these girls I would spend the rest of my days being rich and in love and childless, and they laughed at me, and they said I would just end up being another fat hausfrau living a life that I didn't plan. I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction of knowing they were right."
Bree: "Well, maybe they'll just be happy for you."
Gabrielle: "Bree, my friends are models. They're never happy for anyone."
Bree: "Do you ever think you might like it?"
Gabrielle: "What?"
Bree: "Motherhood."
Gabrielle: "No."
Bree: "Oh, come on. You don't think you're gonna love your own baby?"
Gabrielle: "Well, I'm not saying I'm not gonna grow attached to the little bugger. I just don't have the motherhood gene. I wish I did, but I don't. What?"
Bree: "Well, I'm just smiling because I think a few months from now you are gonna come to me and tell me how madly in love you are with your new little baby, and I'm gonna have to resist the urge to say 'I told you so.'"
Gabrielle: "Maybe, but I doubt it."
Bree: "There you go. All done."
Gabrielle: "Ah. How do I look?"
Bree: "Positively glowing."
Gabrielle: "Bree."

Street

Dr. Goldfine is out jogging across a bridge. A man wearing dark clothing and a helmet pulled low passes Dr. Goldfine on a bicycle. The cyclist stops ahead of Dr. Goldfine, gets off of the bicycle, and starts stretching against the overpass wall.

As Dr. Goldfine gets closer, the cyclist looks up and it’s George. As Dr. Goldfine passes him, George grabs the the doctor, hits him in the face, smashes his head on the concrete overpass wall and throws the doctor over the side of the bridge. George looks around, gets on his bike, and leaves the scene.

Gabrielle's House - Nighttime

A staff of waiters are working at the dining room table when the doorbell rings. Gabrielle answers the door to her model friends. They all scream when they see each other and gather together for a group hug.

Gabrielle: "Hi!"
All Three Models: "Hello!"
Model: "Oh, my god! You're pregnant!"

They all kiss and hug Gabrielle.

Bree's House - Nighttime

There's a knock on the door.

Gabrielle: "Bree? It's Gaby!"
Bree: "Honey, it's open. Come on in."
Gabrielle: "Hi. My, uh, friends just left, and I was hoping you could come over and cut me out of this thing."
Bree: "How was your little reunion?"
Gabrielle: "It was, um, weird."
Bree: "Weird?"
Gabrielle: "Well, Allison's mad because she's losing jobs to fourteen-year-olds, Holly is on a strict diet of cruciferous vegetables, and Yasmin is undergoing a new embryonic facial treatment that probably causes short-term memory loss. You know, I just stood there the whole night trying to remember why we were ever friends. And I couldn't."
Bree: "You know, honey, people change."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, but that's the thing. They haven't changed. That's who they've always been. I've changed, and I honestly don't know how."
Bree: "Well, maybe Susan, Lynette, and I have had a good influence on you."
Gabrielle: "I doubt that."
Bree: "Come on. When I finish up here, I will come over with my sewing kit and cut you out of that."
Gabrielle: "All right, but hurry up, because I've been having to pee since hors d'oeuvres. Are you free to go shopping tomorrow? I figured it's probably time I bought some clothes that actually fit."
Bree: "Well, I know a store that carries maternity clothes with designer labels."
Gabrielle: "I like the sound of that. Thanks."

Gabrielle's House - Nighttime

Gabrielle enters her darkened house. She goes into her kitchen and sees the freezer door is open. She closes it and leaves the room, not seeing the open ice cream carton on the counter.

Gabrielle washes and dries her hands in the bathroom, then sees a empty ice cream bowl sitting in her walk-in closet. She picks it up and turns around. Caleb is standing there. Gabrielle screams and throws the bowl at Caleb. Caleb bats the bowl away. Gabrielle runs out of the room and down the stairs She trips and falls down to the bottom on the steps.

Still lying on the floor, she watches as Caleb walks down the steps. Caleb stands over her and stares down at her, then walks out the door.

Later, police are at Gabrielle's house, investigating the scene. An officer is talking to Bree who is standing outside. Paramedics are carrying Gabrielle out on a stretcher.

"Yes, cameras are tools designed to capture images."

The paramedics start wheeling Gabrielle past Bree.

Gabrielle: "Wait."

Gabrielle whispers something to Bree.

Bree (to the paramedics): "Uh, she needs me to get something for her. I will be right back."

Bree runs inside.

"But in truth, they can capture so much more."

Edie's House

Karl is staring at at picture of Susan. He tucks the picture into a book.

"They can uncover hidden longing of men who should no longer care."

Leonard and Norma's House

Leornard and Norma are watching the video the Scavos gave back to them.

"They can reveal the extraordinary secrets of the most ordinary marriages."

Gabrielle's House

Bree runs outside to the ambulance. She gets inside and places a photo in Gabrielle’s hand. Gabrielle looks at the photo of the sonogram and holds it to her heart. She begins to cry.

"Most amazing of all, cameras can quietly and clearly reveal to us our dreams. Dreams we didn't even know we had."

~ The End ~

This transcript was compiled and completed on November 27, 2005 by Amanda (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com) and Lucy.
Last Update: December 18, 2005

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