Mary Alice: "Over the years, Bree Van de Kamp had grown increasingly concerned over her mother-in-law's forgetfulness. Her lapses had become more frequent, more glaring, and more dangerous. Yes, Bree was worried about Phyllis' faulty memory, but she was more than happy to remind her, especially when it came to the important things. It was in that moment Bree could finally see the truth. Her mother-in-law's memory was fine. It was her soul that was faulty."

---

Susan: "It's Karl's weekend to have Julie, and they're always back by six. That's our custody agreement, back by six, and it's after six."
Mike: "It's, like, six-fifteen."
Susan: "Well, see? There you go."
Mike: "I'm sure they just forgot."
Susan: "Well, I have a court order. It's out of my hands."

---

Mike: "Doesn't sound like they're having an orgy in there."

---

Mike: "Well, obviously, they saw us coming."

---

Parker: "I thought mommy was taking me."
Lynette: "Yeah, well, honey, I have to work. Mommy's boss is a mean, mean lady and if I miss work, I'll lose my job and then we won't have any money to buy food."

---

Tom: "Wow, I don't want to rain on your parade, but he just totally manipulated you."
Lynette: "Well, hey, when a kid's that good, you gotta give him his due."

---

Bree: "My husband died of a heart attack. I loved him very deeply, and your mother did a lousy job."

---

Carlos: "What's the occasion?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, our anniversary?"
Carlos: "Oh, right."
Gabrielle: "How could you forget our anniversary? You sit in a cell all day long staring at a calendar."

---

Carlos: "Are you equating forgetting our anniversary with cheating on me?"
Gabrielle: "You are clearly determined to ruin this special day for us."

---

Gabrielle: "A woman does need to be loved, and since you didn't give it to me, I had to find it elsewhere."
Carlos: "So that's what the teenager was doing in our bedroom. Filling you with love."

---

Susan: "Well, I played in high school."
Julie: "So the last time you tickled the ivories was sometime in the late seventies?"
Susan: "It was the early eighties."

---

Julie: "She knows her guitar. Apparently, there are a lot of musicians in her family, sort of like the Von Trapps."
Susan: "Hmm."
Julie: "Except, you know, her brother OD'd."

---

Lynette: "I've got this thing..."
Nina: "Good god, this is not about your kids again, is it?"
Lynette: "I know, I promised I wouldn't do this, but Parker really needs me to be there on his first day of kindergarten. He's so freaked out I can't be there."
Nina: "I'm sorry. How is this my problem?"
Lynette: "Because we can't escape the fact that I have kids. I love my job, but to be fair, there's gotta be some balance."
Nina: "Okay, how about the people that don't have the kids? Did you ever consider that they might need a little more balance in their lives, hmm? Like, maybe they want to go see a matinee or perhaps they want to come in a little late after a big crazy night out or maybe they just want to get a hair cut, which I, myself, have not been able to do for two months. So, no, this is about fairness to the people who are childless by choice, okay?"
Lynette: "Okay. Good point. And I'm sorry about your hair. I can see why you're upset."

---

Felicia: "Oh, I can't tell you how long it's been since I got flowers from a handsome man. I mean, I could, but I don't want your pity."

---

Mike: "I'm trying to find Zach before he gets in any more trouble. Do you know any friends that he might have, anywhere he might be holed up? I know you were close to him."
Felicia: "Funny thing. Since he beat me and threw me down the stairs, we just don't stay in touch like we should."

---

Felicia: "I don't like to be negative, but you really should have killed him."

---

Bree: "Andrew, surely you don't think I murdered your father."
Andrew: "I know you didn't. You're not capable of murder."
Bree: "Thank you."
Andrew: "That wasn't a compliment. It takes guts to kill somebody."

---

Susan: "Boy, your son really likes to play his hip-hop music loud."
Betty: "The good news is it drowns out the sound of the dryer."

---

Susan: "Well, I don't mean to be technical here, but this show, I mean, it really is supposed to be a family thing, and I hate to point out you're not family."
Edie: "No, but I have talent, and to most audiences, talent trumps family."

---

Susan: "If you think Edie Britt cares about anybody other than herself, you are living in a fool's paradise. You don't know her the way I do, and the only reason she's interested in Julie is to mess with my head."
Karl: "Hey, that's both crazy and self-absorbed. That's a twofer! Way to go!"

---

George: "I. I don't understand. We're just friends. Why would the police assume that people in a platonic relationship would want to murder someone?"
Bree: "Um, um, during the test, they asked me some questions about you and, um, us and whether we had a relationship and I said yes, because it's true. And then they asked me something else, something I hadn't considered."
George: "Which was?"
Bree: "They asked me if I loved you."
George: "What did you say?"
Bree: "I said no."
George: "Oh."
Bree: "But according to the polygraph, that wasn't exactly true."
George: "Well, I don't, I don't know if that means anything. Polygraphs aren't completely reliable."
Bree: "I think perhaps the machine picked up on something, something that I wasn't aware of."
George: "Wow."
Bree: "That's why I need you to take the test and answer the detective's questions, because I'm not going to know exactly how I feel until we put this behind us, but then, once we do..."
George: "We can move on."

---

Mary Alice: "Everyone enjoys a game of make-believe now and then. Of course, the ways in which we play can vary greatly. Sometimes we tell ourselves work won't interfere with our family life. Sometimes, we imagine certain relationships to be more meaningful than they really are. Occasionally, we put on a show, as if to convince ourselves our secrets aren't really all that terrible. Yes, the game of make-believe is a simple one. You start by lying to yourself, and if you can get others to believe those lies, you win."