Episode 01.19 - "Live Alone and Like It" Mary Alice: "Every morning as she went to take out her trash, Lynette Scavo would indulge in a little daydream, the details of which were always the same. One day, her nasty neighbor Karen McClusky would keel over and die. And her home would be bought by a lovely Swedish family with two adorable twin daughters. The families would form an everlasting friendship, culminating in their daughters marrying her sons at an elaborate wedding the Scavos wouldn't have to pay for. Yes, Lynette enjoyed her little daydream, but Mrs. McClusky always had a way of pulling her back to reality." Lynette: "Hey, hey, hey, hey. Why are you stealing my garbage cans?" Mrs. McClusky: "Garbage pickup was two days ago, and these cans have been on the street ever since. I just assumed you didn't want 'em anymore." Lynette: "Oh, that's very cute. That's good. Here. Give them here." Mrs. McClusky: "It's bad enough we got to look at that god-awful color you painted the house. We shouldn't have to stare at your cans for days on end." Lynette: "You want to talk about good neighbor etiquette? How about you hire a gardener to take care of that jungle you call a lawn?" Mrs. McClusky: "I am on a fixed income." Lynette: "Oh. Well, perhaps you should consider moving somewhere less expensive, like a nursing home." Mrs. McClusky: "Go to hell." Lynette: "Run by Germans, hmm?" Mrs. McClusky: "I don't want to go alone. Come with me." Lynette: "Oh, um, these are trained technicians, and I've got a roast in the...freezer." Mary Alice: "Life is a journey, one that is much better traveled with a companion by our side. But sometimes, we lose our companions along the way, and then the journey becomes unbearable." Rex: "You know, I bet we're worrying ourselves sick over nothing. This is probably just a phase." Bree: "Exactly, so we'll get him home, we'll get him into Christian counseling, so it won't become a lifestyle." Rex: "Well, whatever's going on with him, he's still our son, and we love him." Bree: "Why would you say that to me?" Rex: "Because it's obvious how freaked out you are by the whole gay thing." Bree: "I may be freaked out, but that doesn't change how I feel about him." Rex: "I'm just saying: be cool." Bree: "I can be just as cool as you can." Rex: "All right." (to Andrew) "It'll be nice to have you back." Bree: "Andrew, I would love you even if you were a murderer." Susan: "Could you please not flirt with the ice cream man?" Sophie: "Why not?" Susan: "Do you need a reason beyond the fact that he's the ice cream man?" Sophie: "We should be out there having fun. I know what we can do tonight. We can go to some hip club and get some hot guys." Susan: "Mom." Sophie: "Oh, it'll be great! I'll say I'm forty-two, and you can be twenty-eight. What? Oh, you could pull it off." Gabrielle: "If you ever hurt me again, I will kill you." Carlos: "If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you." Gabrielle: "Boy, with all this passion, isn't it a shame that we're not having sex?" Gabrielle: "I feel trapped." John: "You want me to open a window?" Gabrielle: "No, I'm talking about my life." John: "Oh. Are we done making out?" Gabrielle: "No, no. Keep going." John: "So what's up?" Gabrielle: "I'm unhappy with Carlos and my marriage. I feel like I don't have options, and it's driving me crazy. Every time something went south in my life, I always had a plan B. Now I feel like I have nothing." John: "What about me? Can't I be your plan B?" Gabrielle: "Damn it, John. What is our new rule?" John: "Stop pretending we have a future." Gabrielle: "Thank you." Mrs. McClusky: "Hi there. I brought you some avocados. I have a tree in back, but I hate 'em, and your family seems like the kind that would eat guacamole." Tim: "Susan is your daughter?" Sophie: "Yep." Tim: "No, she can't be." Sophie: "Yes." Tim: "No." Sophie: "Yeah!" Tim: "No!" Sophie: "Yeah!" Tim: "No!" Sophie: "Yes." Susan: "Okay, we get it. She looks young." John: "Hello?" Gabrielle: "It’s me." John: "Oh, I've been trying to call you but you turned your cell off." Gabrielle: "Because I'm in a lovely restaurant, having a lovely meal that I now can't pay for." John: "Well, did you order already?’ Gabrielle: "I ate already." John: "Look, the credit card company called my mom. I mean, they said that there was unusual activity on my card." Gabrielle: "I bought shoes." John: "Well, I didn't know that, you know, and then my mom starting asking all these questions so I just blurted out that the card was stolen, and she cancelled it." Gabrielle: "Why would they call your parents? It’s your account." John: "They co-signed for it. Look, if you just explain to the waiter." Gabrielle: "What? That the credit card was cancelled by my lover’s mommy?" John: "Well, what other options do you have, unless you return the shoes and get the money back?" Gabrielle: "Return the shoes? I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical." Bree: "Well, then, what do we do, just stand by while he starts dating boys? And by the way, the correct word is not gay. It's sodomy." Rex: "We're in the middle of dinner." Bree: "So?" Rex: "So can you at least wait till dessert before calling our son a sodomite?" Bree: "Your father is into S and M." Rex: "Bree!" Bree: "He makes me beat him with a riding crop, and I let him. It's no wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are." Lynette: "She never leaves her mail sitting out there. I mean, how many times has she thrown ours away because we didn't pick it up the second it came?" Tom: "That would be five." Lynette: "I don't know, Tom. I think something's happened to her." Tom: "Okay, so go over and check on her." Lynette: "But if I'm wrong, then I'm sucked into a two-hour conversation about bunions." Tom: "Don't go check on her." Lynette: "Six months from now, when they find her mummified corpse at the bottom of the basement stairs, what do I tell the kids? 'Oh, yeah, I let Mrs. McClusky die.'" Tom: "Yeah, and why would they care? Like they're gonna miss the dry cleaning coupons she hands out on Halloween." Lynette: "Tom." Tom: "Listen, honey, what can I say? You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, so, uh, good luck with that." Andrew: "You know what my mom said to me last night? She said she doesn't think I'm going to Heaven. Can you believe that?" Reverend Sikes: "I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but the only way you can know Paradise is by repenting your sins." Andrew: "When she said that to me, suddenly it hit me how I was gonna get back at her. From now on, I'm going to be so good. I'm gonna eat my vegetables, I'm,I'm gonna get good grades, I'm gonna say "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am." I'm gonna make her believe that God has delivered her this little miracle. Until one day, when she least expects it, I'm gonna do something so awful, it is going to rock her world. I mean, it is really going to destroy her. And when that day comes, trust me. I'll know Paradise." Mary Alice: "Yes, life is a journey. One that is much better traveled with a companion by our side. Of course, that companion can be just about anyone. A neighbor on the other side of the street or the man on the other side of the bed. The companion can be a mother with good intentions or a child who's up to no good. Still, despite our best intentions, some of us will lose our companions along the way. And then the journey becomes unbearable. You see, human beings are designed for many things, but loneliness isn't one of them."