This was typed by Lucy, Wayne Manuel, and Amanda, mere humans, and mistakes are possible. If you find any, no matter how trivial, please let me know. (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)

In the interest of finishing the transcripts faster, screen caps will not be placed on the transcripts until further notice. You can find screen caps at the following websites:
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Guest stars
"Tom Scavo" - Doug Savant
"Andrew Van De Kamp" - Shawn Pyfrom
"Danielle Van De Kamp" - Joy Lauren
"Alisa Stevens" - Marlee Matlin
"Juanita Solis" - Lupe Ontiveros
"Dennis Stevens" - Albie Selznick
"Bill Cunningham" - Rick Ravanello
"Father Crowley" - Jeff Doucette
"Nurse Heissel" - Dagney Kerr
"Mr. Steinberg" - Mark L. Taylor
"Lily Stevens" - Aria Wallace
"Preston Scavo" - Brent Kinsman
"Porter Scavo" - Shane Kinsman
"Security Guard" - Derk Cheetwood
"Soprano Singer" - Ciera Lamborn

Written by: Joey Murphy & John Pardee
Directed by: Jeff Melman

Sacred Heart Hospital - Nighttime

"In the Coma Ward at Sacred Heart Hospital, the dreams begin just after midnight. The pitch black of night gives way to vivid images that comfort the dreamer until the morning."

A janitor stops cleaning the floor and stretches.

"Gus, the custodian, dreams of someday winning the lottery and quitting his thankless job."

He removes a piece of paper from his shirt pocket, kisses it, picks up his thermos, and walks off.

A security guard, sitting in a chair, pulls out a neck pillow to place on his neck.

"Howard, the security guard, envisions a luxurious retirement in the tropics."

He kicks off his shoes and closes his eyes.

A night nurse sits at a desk, looking bored. She spins something on the desk and watches it.

"Ruth Ann, the night nurse, fantasizes about leaving her husband."

As it spins, she checks her watch, picks up a pack of cigarettes and stands up to leave, leaving her wedding ring spinning on the desk.

"But the most vivid dreams of all belong to the patient in Room 312."

Inside room 312, Juanita Solis lies still in her hospital bed.

"Yes, Juanita Solis had been dreaming steadily for five months. Sometimes of the shocking secret she had uncovered."

Flashback to her taking a picture of Gabrielle and John caught in bed.

"Other times, she dreamt of the accident that had put her in the hospital."

Flashback to her running out of the Solis house and getting hit by a car.

"But her most common dream was the one in which she finally told her son the truth."

Carlos sits next to Juanita’s bedside holding her hands. Juanita leans over and begins whispering to Carlos.

Juanita: "Carlos. Gabrielle..."

"And then one night...Juanita Solis decided it was time to wake up."

Juanita's eyes open suddenly and she sits up in bed.

A few minutes later, Juanita leaves her hospital room, holding onto her pole with IV fluids. She looks up and down the empty hallway.

Juanita: "Hello? Is anybody here?"

Juanita goes down the hallway, looking back and forth.

Juanita: "Hello!"

Juanita reaches the empty nurse's station and bangs on the counter.

Juanita: "I have to call my son!"

Juanita continues to run down the hallway in her stocking feet. She runs past the hallway and doesn’t see the sleeping guard. She continues running and see a phone on the wall at the end of a hallway. She pulls out the intravenous tube and runs down the hallway toward the phone.

As she heads towards it, she slips on the wet floor left by the janitor. She slides straight into a stairwell, where she falls down the stairs, right near the feet of the nurse taking her cigarette break. Ruth Ann, turns, shocked.

"Even though she knew she was about to die, Juanita didn’t care. The truth was finally going to come out."

Ruth Ann puts out her cigarette and runs toward Juanita. Ruth Ann kneels down and holds Juanita’s head.

Juanita: "Tell my son his wife is cheating on him."
Ruth Ann: "Oh my God!"

Juanita dies.

"Sadly for Juanita, this was one dream that would never come true."

Ruth Ann pulls earphones from her ears. Music is blasting from the earphones.

Credits

Susan's House

At Susan's kitchen table, there are illustrated drawings knights and dragons.

"We all honor heroes for different reasons. Sometimes for their bravery, sometimes for their daring, sometimes for their goodness, but mostly we honor heroes because at one point or another we all dream of being rescued."

Susan goes to the coffeemaker by the sink and pours herself a cup. She looks through the kitchen window and sees Mike walking up to the door.

He knocks on the door.

Mike: "Susan, I know you’re in there. We have to talk."

Susan opens door and faces Mike.

Mike: "This is crazy."
Susan: "I know."

Mike grabs Susan and they kiss.

Cut to Susan standing at the kitchen window again, daydreaming.

Susan again opens the door and faces Mike.

Mike: "Everything the cop said to you is true. I did kill someone. But there’s one thing they didn’t tell you. I killed for you, Susan."

Susan grabs Mike and kisses him.

Cut to Susan standing at the kitchen window again, daydreaming.

Susan opens the door and faces Mike. He pulls out a gun and aims at her.

Mike: "Susan, if I can’t have you, no one else can."

Susan knocks the gun out of Mike’s hand.

Susan: "Shut up."

Susan grabs Mike and kisses him. The coffee cup she is holding falls and breaks.

Cut to Susan standing at the kitchen window again, daydreaming. She looks down at the unbroken cup in her hand. She sees Mike walking toward the door, and then he knocks.

Susan drops to the floor and crawls to the door.

Mike: "Susan, are you home? Susan, your car is here. I know you’re in there. I was hoping we could talk for a minute."

Susan whimpers and leans against the door. Mike slides a letter under the door. Susan pulls it in.

Mike: "Susan, maybe you should have waited until I left to do that. All right, look, I know you don’t want to see me right now, but I owe you an explanation and it’s all in there, all of it. Everything you ever wanted to know about my past, about my reasons for doing what I did. It’s all there."

Susan stands up and looks out the door in time to watch Mike walk away.

School Parking Lot

A car sits in the parking lot. Its interior is filled with smoke. A school security guard knocks on window. A window rolls down and smoke pours out.

Andrew: "Hey!"
Security Guard: "Guys come on. What are you doing?"
Andrew: "Ah, you know, just bonding. Discussing current events."
Security Guard: "Hey, seriously, listen, if you guys would have just parked across the street I could have let you go."
Andrew: "Why don’t you pretend like we did?"

Andrew's friends laugh.

Security Guard: "Get out of the car."

Instead, Andrew starts pulling away.

Security Guard: "Hey, hey, hey! Stop the car!"

He holds onto the window and as the car speeds up, he trips and rolls on the ground as the car leaves.

Bree's House

Rex: "I can’t believe it. Two months from graduation and he gets expelled."
Bree: "You know we are just lucky that that security guard did not press charges."
Rex: "So what are we gonna do?"
Bree: "Well, glad that you asked."

Bree pulls out some pamphlets from a drawer and lays them out.

Rex: "What are these?"
Bree: "They’re brochures for youth detention centers."
Rex: "How long have you had these?"
Bree: "They’ve been in the drawer for a few months. I had a feeling we might be needing them."
Rex: "Bree, I don’t know."
Bree: "We have to admit that we need help. If we can’t get through to Andrew then we have to find someone who can."
Rex: "You really want to send our son away to some prison camp?"
Bree: "Oh come on, don’t be so dramatic. Some of these places actually look fun. Look. Camp Hennessey." (reading) "Camp Hennessey teaches kids respect for authority and boundaries in a summer camp-like atmosphere."

Bree holds up the brochure for Rex to see. Rex grabs the brochure.

Rex: "The perimeter is surrounded by an electrified fence."
Bree: "Well, you have to admit that’s an efficient way to teach respect for boundaries. Okay, how about this one. It’s perfect for Andrew. It’s a ranch in Montana. It has lots of fresh air and plenty of open spaces and daily classes in anger management."
Rex: "I’m, I’m not comfortable with this."
Bree: "All right, what about this one. It’s in the desert and it’s very reasonable. Barracks are a little bit bleak, but that recidivism rate is to die for!"
Rex: "Bree, I’m not doing it. I’m not sending my son away."
Bree: "It’s easy for you, isn’t it? You’re not the one he’s openly rude to. You’re not the one he challenges every day. You’re not the one he hates."
Rex: "I’ll talk to him, all right? I’ll sit him down for a little old-fashioned heart to heart."
Bree: "You talk to him all you want. I’m gonna check out the place with the electrified fence."

Barcliff Academy

Five children, including Porter and Preston, dressed in colonial costume, stand on a small stage, reciting lines.

Twin: "Listen, my children and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere."

Lynette proudly smiles as she watches her sons recite. She turns to see, in the audience, a mother and young daughter signing to each other.

Twin: "In the lantern is turned off in the belfry arch of the North church tower. One if by land, two if by sea, and I on the opposite shore will be."

The parents applaud. Lynette smiles proudly as she applauds.

Lynette, pushing a stroller, approaches the little girl and woman who had been signing.

Lynette: "Um, hi. I, I wanted to introduce myself to your Mom. I’m Lynette Scavo."
Alisa Stevens: "Have we met? I’m Alisa Stevens."
Lynette: "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought..."
Alisa: "I read lips."
Lynette: "Oh."

Alisa starts signing and her daughter begins translating for her.

Lily (translating): "But a lot of the time, signing is much easier. I don’t like to misunderstand or be misunderstood."

Lily turns toward Lynette and offers her hand.

Lily: "And I’m Lily."
Lynette: "Oh hi. Nice to meet you, Lily."

A young boy in a horse costume runs by.

Matt: "Hi, mom."
Alisa: "That’s my son, Matt."
Lynette: "My twins talk about Matt all the time. We should set up a play date."
Alisa: "That sounds great. Let’s have dinner, too."
Lynette: "I’d love to."

Lynette turns toward her boys as she hears them yelling. They are holding Matt’s horse’s tale, whipping it and yelling. Matt is trying to run away.

Twins: "The British are coming! The British are coming. Giddy up! Giddy up! Giddy up."
Matt:"No, no, no."

Lynette turns back toward Alisa.

Lynette: "Even better, let’s just keep it adults."

Gabrielle’s House.

Gabrielle is sitting on the couch reading the paper. Carlos comes in the front door.

Carlos: "Babe, they blinked! We got 'em by the short hairs!"

Carlos grabs Gabrielle’s hand and pulls her up.

Gabrielle: "Who? Who blinked?"

Carlos picks Gabrielle up and she shrieks.

Carlos: "I just spoke to the lawyers. They offered a plea bargain."
Gabrielle: "And that’s - good?"
Carlos: "It means they know they got a weak case. They don’t think they can win. It’s over."
Gabrielle: "Oh my god! Honey, that means we can keep the house!"
Carlos: "No. We still have to sell the house. I gotta pay the lawyers."
Gabrielle: "But I thought you said they offered a plea bargain."
Carlos: "Yeah, but we’re not gonna take that."
Gabrielle: "Put me down."

Carlos puts Gabrielle down.

Carlos: "Honey, it would mean me going to jail for eight months."
Gabrielle: "I think that’s pretty reasonable considering you're guilty as sin!"
Carlos: "You said that you were fine with selling the house."
Gabrielle: "That was before I knew we could trade a couple months in prison to keep it!"

The phone rings. Gabrielle goes over to answer it.

Gabrielle: "What? No, this is her daughter-in-law."
Carlos: "Is it the hospital? Is it Mama?"

Gabrielle turns away from Carlos.

Gabrielle: "Ah, thank you, yes."

She hangs up.

Carlos: "Gabby?"
Gabrielle: "I'm sorry, Carlos."

She puts her arms around him and hugs him close. As she holds him, she smiles.

Gabrielle's House

Pamphlets for crypts, caskets, and flowers are spread all over the coffee table.

"Some believe people are judged by the way they live life, and others by the way they leave it."

Carlos: "I like the Lexington mahogany with gold leaf. It comes with a pink velvet interior and drapes. Plus it’s hand-engraved so in case of a flood or earthquake, they’ll at least be able to know which one is hers."
Gabrielle: "Don’t you think that’s a little over the top?"
Carlos: "I want the best for Mama."
Gabrielle: "No, honey, these funeral homes make a fortune trying to convince people to overspend."
Carlos: "What are you saying?"
Gabrielle: "Well, I’m saying your mother was a sensible woman. She wouldn’t be comfortable with all these bells and whistles. Maybe this one. Wood veneer!"

Carlos closes his eyes and shakes his head.

Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "You never liked Mama."
Gabrielle: "Well, it’s awfully hard to like someone who actively hates your guts. She always thought you married beneath you and she let me know it."
Carlos: "She loved you."
Gabrielle: "She treated me like trash!" (crosses herself) "God rest her soul."
Carlos: "I’m putting my mother in the grave. Now is not the time to pinch pennies."
Gabrielle: "Carlos, we’re not exactly flush with cash right now. Let her be true to her roots. She was born humble and barefoot."
Carlos: "She was a queen."

He walks away.

Susan's House - Outside

Susan holds the sealed letter marked "Susan" that Mike had put under her door. Sitting around her are Lynette, Edie, and Bree.

Lynette: "So what did Mike say when he gave you the letter?"
Susan: "That it explains everything."
Bree: "Well, does it?"
Susan: "I haven’t read it."
Edie: "Well, why the hell not?"
Susan: "I just can’t."
Lynette: "You’re a better woman than me. I would have ripped that open with my teeth. Aren’t you dying to know what he wrote?"
Susan: "Yes. What if it just a bunch of far-fetched stories."
Bree: "Well, you should assume that it is."
Lynette: "Why?"
Bree: "Well, think about how good men are at lying on the spot. I mean, God forbid, you should give them time and a pen!"

Lynette and Edie laugh.

A car drives up on the street behind them and honks. The sign on the door of the car reads "General Contractors." A handsome man calls out to Edie.

Bill: "Hey Edie, you mind stopping by the site later? I have blueprints of the master bath."
Edie: "Oh. I’ll see you in a few, Bill."

Susan turns and looks at Bill. Bill nods and smiles at Susan as he drives away.

Edie: "That’s my new contractor. We’re sort of dating."
Lynette: "Didn’t you once say you never mix business with pleasure?"
Edie: "No, I said never mix pleasure with commitment."
Lynette (laughing): "Right."
Bree: "So, Susan, what are you gonna do with the letter?"
Edie: "And for pete’s sake, would you open it up already?"

Susan begins to open the letter, then stops.

Susan: "No, no, I won't. I don’t trust Mike anymore. And without trust...no, no. I’m just gonna go in and rip it up and throw it in the trash."

Susan begins walking toward her house. Lynette grabs the letter and acts like she's going to rip it up.

Lynette: "Why wait, why don’t we just rip it up now."

Susan grabs the letter back.

Susan: "No, no no. That’s okay, I don’t wanna, you know, litter."

She runs inside her house. The other women watch her go.

Lynette: "She is so opening that letter."

Sacred Heart Hospital

Gabrielle walks down the hallway.

"While Carlos was making arrangements to bury his mother, Gabrielle was making sure she’d be taking her secret to the grave."

Gabrielle reaches the nurse's station. As she looks at the nurse behind the counter, a man in a business suit walks up to a room behind Gabrielle, and enters it, but makes sure to keep the door cracked open so he can eavesdrop.

Gabrielle: "Hi, I’m Gabrielle Solis. You're Nurse Heissel?"
Nurse Ruth Ann Heissel: "Yes, Hi. Um, when you called and said you were coming down I collected all the personal things that your husband brought in during Juanita’s stay with us."

Nurse Heissel puts a cardboard box on the counter.

Nurse Heissel: "I assume that that’s why you were stopping by."
Gabrielle: "Oh, that’s so thoughtful of you, but actually no."
Nurse Heissel: "No?"

The man behind the door continues to watch.

Gabrielle: "No, you see my husband and I still don’t have a clear account as to how Juanita passed."
Nurse Heissel: "How?"
Gabrielle: "Yes, did she die quietly in her sleep?"

Nurse Heissel and the man in the doorway nod as if agreeing with what Gabrielle is saying.

Nurse Heissel: "Oh yeah, that’s usually how it happens. I mean, I’m pretty sure that that’s how it happened."
Gabrielle: "Pretty sure?"
Nurse Heissel: "I mean, I don’t know exactly cause I wasn’t with her at that time."
Gabrielle: "Uh huh. Was anyone with her? An orderly, candy striper, anyone?"

The man still watches them.

Nurse Heissel: "No. She was alone."

The man closes his eyes and bows his head.

Gabrielle: "Thank you so much. That’s all I needed to hear."

Gabrielle walks away. As she passes by the room the man is in, he quickly closes the door. Nurse Heissel picks up the cardboard box.

Nurse Heissel: "Mrs. Solis!"
Gabrielle: "Oh, you can just toss that!"

Susan's House - Outside

Susan comes out with purse and keys. She looks at her car and sees that she has a flat tire.

Susan: "Great, just great!"

She stoops down to look at the tire and pulls out a long nail. She hears construction work going on at Edie’s house and looks that way.

Susan walks over to the construction lot. She sees the man, Bill, who had been in the general contractors truck and walks up to him, nail in hand.

Susan: "I think this is yours."

She hands Bill the nail.

Bill: "Yeah. Yeah, I’ve been looking for this one. Thanks."
Susan: "I don’t suppose you have any idea where I found it?"
Bill: "Well, these little suckers are drawn to bare feet and car tires and since you’re not limping or bleeding..."

They smile at each other.

At Susan’s car, Bill has a compressor filling Susan’s tire.

Bill: "This is only temporary. You’re going to need to take this tire in to get it fixed."
Susan: "Thanks, I will."
Bill: "Seriously. It’s not safe. You’re probably only going to get 20, 30 miles out of it."
Susan: "All right, I promise."
Bill: "Hey listen, I’m about to break for lunch. How would you like to join me?"
Susan: "Lunch?"
Bill: "Yeah. Lunch."
Susan: "Are you asking me out on a date?"
Bill: "That sounds kind of formal for a burrito and a can of soda but, yeah, I guess I am."
Susan: "Aren’t you dating Edie?"
Bill: "We went out on a date, we’re not dating."
Susan: "Oh."
Bill: "So how about it? I’m buying."
Susan: "Yeah. I just got out of this relationship with this guy, Mike, and it’s kind of complicated. Anyway, I’m just not even sure where I am right now emotionally, I’m just all jumbled up and I don’t think I could leap right into something new, relationship wise, you know, at the moment."
Bill: "Again. Just a burrito."
Susan: "Sorry."
Bill: "Okay, I understand. Sounds like you need a little time to reflect and heal."
Susan: "I do. I really do."
Bill: "Okay. I’ll check back with you again tomorrow."

Lynette's House

Tom, Lynette, Alisa and her husband, Dennis, are having dinner. Alisa is signing and her husband it translating.

Dennis (translating Alisa’s signing): "This is so delicious. I don’t know how you find the time with four kids."
Lynette: "Only for first time guests. Normally you’d be having, um, chicken fingers and cartoon shaped macaroni."
Tom: "If that."
Lynette: "Hey. Shut up."
Alisa: "Tom, you’re in advertising, right?"
Tom: "Uh hm."
Alisa: "I worked five years at Simon and Scott."
Tom: "Well, I started at Simon and Scott. I hated those guys."

Everyone laughs.

Alisa: "But we have to talk."
Tom: "Yes. Who do you know? Do you know who’s there now?"

Tom scoots his chair closer to Alisa's and Dennis turns to Lynette.

Dennis: "Well, it's all over now. They’ll be talking shop for the rest of the night. Alisa loves talking about Alisa."
Lynette: "Well, Lynette loves talking about Lynette, too."
Dennis: "Oh I don’t believe that for a second. You and your husband seem pretty solid."

Tom and Alisa can be seen and heard talking in the background.

Dennis: "We’re going through some tough stuff. We’re in counseling."
Tom (in the background): "They’re nice people."
Lynette (uncomfortably): "Oh really? More steak?"
Dennis: "It was her idea. It’s not the most pleasant way to spend an hour. Basically, I look at the clock and she blames me for everything."
Lynette: "I don’t think we should be talking about Alisa with her, so..."

She gestures over at Alisa.

Dennis: "It’s okay, it’s not like she can hear. Maybe I’ll have some more of that potato stuff."

A shocked Lynette stares at Dennis.

Later, Tom and Lynette clear the dishes.

Tom: "He actually said those things with her just sitting right there?"
Lynette: "It was really nasty and he wouldn’t shut up either."
Tom (disgusted): "Ahhh."
Lynette: "I can’t believe you said we’d play tennis with them."
Tom: "Honey that was before I knew that he was a jerk. She was great. Look what she taught me."

Tom signs "I Love You."

Tom: "Means I love you."
Lynette: "Yeah, that’s great. What am I gonna do?"
Tom: "What do you mean?"
Lynette: "Well, obviously she needs to be told."
Tom: "Wha-no, no, no, she doesn’t. This is between Dennis and Alisa."
Lynette: "How can I ignore this? And I quote, 'It’s not like she can hear.'"
Tom: "Lynette you’re starting to ring up into that whole meddling thing that you do."
Lynette: "Excuse me!"
Tom: "Let me just handle it. Let’s avoid a big thing."
Lynette: "Are you saying I can’t be tactful?"
Tom: "No. If he says something when we play tennis, I will take him aside man to man and say that’s not cool."
Lynette: "Are you saying I’m not tactful?"

Tom looks as though he does not know what to say so instead he signs "I love you" to Lynette. She grabs his finger and pushes him back.

Tom: "Ow, ow, ow, owww."

Bree's House

Andrew lies on his bed watching TV. Bree walks in with a laundry basket.

Bree: "Andrew, I need you to take out the trash."
Andrew: "Sure."
Bree: "Now, not five hours from now."

With a long-suffering sigh, he sits up.

Andrew: "I’m going, I’m going. God! Um, I’m meeting Justin at the mall tonight so I’m gonna need forty bucks."
Bree: "No!"
Andrew: "What?"
Bree: "You no longer get an allowance."
Andrew: "Fine. I’m not taking out the trash."
Bree (exasperated): "Andrew."
Andrew: "What are you gonna do, torture me? Go ahead, I can take it."

Bree approaches Andrew who is sitting on the bed.

Bree: "What I want, what I have always wanted is for you to be happy. And you're not. And I have no idea how to help you."

Rex walking by the room, stops in the doorway.

Andrew: "Well, you can start by getting out of the way."
Bree: "I will not. We’re gonna talk about this now."
Andrew: "I said get out of the way!"

He kicks at her, pushing her with his leg. Bree stumbles, almost falling. Rex runs into the room and grabs Andrew by the arms and pulls him up and slams him against the wall.

Rex: "The next time you touch your mother like that, I’m gonna throw you through this wall! You understand me?"

Andrew has a frightened look on his face. Rex leaves the room glancing at Bree to make sure she is okay. Bree grabs the laundry basket and walks to the door. She turns to look at Andrew who looks like he's about to start crying. Bree turns away and walks out.

Susan's House

Susan sits on the bench in her front yard, drawing. Edie jogs by.

Susan: "Oh, Edie. Wait up, I, I want to ask you something."

Edie continues to run, so Susan follows her.

Edie: "Can’t stop, gotta keep my heart rate up."
Susan: "I was just wondering how you’d feel if I went out with Bill."

Edie stops running.

Edie: "What?"
Susan: "Um. Bill asked me out."
Edie: "Bill? My Bill?"
Susan: "Well see that’s the thing, he doesn’t think of himself as "your Bill" cause he said that date was just a one time thing. Which I know because when he asked me out, I told him I thought you guys were involved."
Edie: "So, you haven’t agreed to go out with him?"
Susan: "No. No, I wanted to check with you first."
Edie: "Wow. That was nice of you."
Susan: "So can I?"
Edie: "No."

Edie takes off jogging again. Susan runs after her.

Susan: "Edie! Edie, why can’t I go out with him?"

Edie stops jogging again.

Edie: "Because I saw him first."
Susan: "Come on, that’s a really 3rd-grade thing to say."
Edie: "Look, you asked my permission, I said no. That should be the end of it!"

Edie takes off jogging again. Susan yells after her.

Susan: "Well, you know, technically, I don’t need your permission!"

Edie stops jogging and turns to face Susan.

Edie: "You know, I so much want to like you but you just won’t let me."
Susan: "Edie."
Edie: "Susan, you know I try. I try to look past your flaws, your klutziness, that, that faux vulnerability, your hair, but you look for ways to push my buttons."
Susan: "He just wants to buy me a burrito."
Edie: "Susan, please. Let me like you."
Susan: "Okay, I won’t go out with him. I mean obviously you have feeling for him."
Edie: "No, I don’t. I really don’t."
Susan: "So what then? If you can’t have him, nobody can?"
Edie: "See? Now you’re thinking like a friend."

Edie turns and jogs away leaving Susan with a dumbfounded look on her face.

Cemetary

A singer in black, holding a single rose, sings Ave Maria as she leads a procession of black-clad mourners for Juanita Solis.

Lynette walks with Bree.

Lynette: "What a voice."
Bree: "You have to hand it to Gabby and Carlos. They do grieve better than anyone."

A white horse pulling a carriage containing Juanita Solis’ casket is leading the procession. Carlos and Gabrielle are near the front of the group.

Gabrielle: "So, how much did that horse and buggy set us back?"
Carlos: "Do you mind?"
Gabrielle: "Being poor? A little."

The priest turns to look at Gabrielle.

Gabrielle: "Eyes front, Padre."

In the group of mourners, Susan and Julie walk together.

Susan: "I can’t believe Edie. She doesn’t have dibs on every man on the planet. If I want to go out with Bill I should be able to."
Julie: "I thought you weren’t even into him."
Susan: "Well, neither is she. And if she’s not into him, why can’t I not be into him."
Julie: "I’m gonna mourn now."

The procession begins to slow donw.

Gabrielle: "What’s going on? Why are we slowing down?"
Carlos: "'Cause we’re almost there."

Gabrielle looks straight ahead and sees them heading towards a very large crypt.

Gabrielle: "What is that?"
Carlos: "The family who owned it couldn’t afford the maintenance payment. I got an amazing deal."
Gabrielle: "A crypt? You bought your mother a crypt?"
Carlos: "Keep quiet. You’re making a scene!"
Gabrielle: "Oh that’s it. I cannot be a part of this! I can’t do it!"

Gabrielle pushes the program into Carlos’ hand and walks away. Carlos follows her.

Carlos: "Gabrielle!"

After a second hesitation, the group of people begins following Carlos and Gabrielle off the path.

Carlos: "Stop acting like a child!"

Lynette and Bree stop walking.

Lynette: "Are, are we supposed to be following them?"
Bree: "I don’t know. I mean, maybe it’s part of the ritual."
Gabrielle: "Go to hell, Carlos!"

Bree's mouth drops open. She turns to Lynette and hands her the rose she had been holding. She then calls out to the group who had followed Carlos and Gabrielle.

Bree: "All right, people. We’re going to follow the body. This way please."

She claps her hands to get their attention.

Bree: "Come along."

Everyone starts to follow Bree.

Away from the crowd, Gabrielle turns to Carlos.

Gabrielle: "This is too much. The only reason I agreed to give up the house is because I thought I was gonna get a gorgeous little apartment. Now, I’m not even going to get that!"
Carlos: "What do you want me to do?"
Gabrielle: "Take the plea!"
Carlos: "What?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah! You did the crime, why should I have to pay the price? Just suck it up, be a man, and do the time."
Carlos: "Gabrielle, you’re being ridiculous!"
Gabrielle: "Am I? All I want is the same respect that you gave your dead mother."
Carlos: "Gabby, please just-"
Gabrielle: "At least she’s gonna have a roof over her head."

She storms off, leaving Carlos shaking his head.

Country Club Tennis Court

Alisa, Dennis, Tom, and Lynette play tennis. Alisa serves.

Alisa: "Fifteen all."

Alisa serves and Tom hits it back just in the line.

Alisa: "Oh, was that in?"
Tom: "Nice try."

Tom and Lynette laugh. Alisa goes to get the ball.

Dennis: "God Alisa, you’re deaf, not blind."

Lynette and Tom are visibly shocked by Dennis’ words.

Tom: "It was a close call."
Lynette: "That’s telling him."
Tom: "Waiting for my moment."
Dennis: "If you think her tennis stinks you should try her cooking."

Tom and Lynette glance at each other.

Alisa: "Fifteen-thirty."

Alisa serves. Lynette hits it back nearly hitting Dennis. He drops.

Lynette: "Sorry. I should have mentioned that my tennis is much better than my cooking."

Later, everyone approaches the net. Lynette and Alisa pat hands.

Lynette: "That was fun. You play really well."
Alisa: "Thank you."
Dennis: "Give me a break, she serves underhand, for god sake."

Lynette and Tom see that Alisa did not hear that comment. Lynette stares at Tom silently asking him to say something. Tom doesn’t nothing.

Lynette: "What’s your problem?"
Dennis: "Excuse me?"

Alisa looks up. Tom rushes over to her.

Tom: "Hey, do have any bottled water over there because, uh, my electrolytes get all wacky when I sweat."

Tom walks over to Alisa, blocking her view.

Lynette: "She’s your wife. How can you talk about her like that?"
Dennis: "Let me tell you what Saint Alisa is saying with that phony smile plastered on her face." (signing and talking) "'Move your ass, Dennis. Nice love handles, Dennis. Try switching your deodorant, Dennis.'"
Lynette: "All right, enough. If you’ve got issues with your wife, tell her."
Dennis: "We’re in counseling."
Lynette: "Yeah, well it’s not working too well if you have to unload on a perfect stranger, is it? If you’re unhappy in your marriage, do something, instead of just complaining, 'cause frankly, I don’t want to hear it!"
Alisa: "Hey! Let’s trade partners."
Lynette: "Great."

Tom hands Lynette a bottle of water.

Lynette: "Thanks." (to Alisa) "I’ll play with you."

Susan's House

Susan comes out the door and sees Bill filling her front tire again.

Susan: "Hey!"
Bill: "Hey. You did not take this in. This should hold but you gotta take it in."
Susan: "Thank you. I know, I’m going to. It’s on the top of my list."
Bill: "Whew! That was hard work."
Susan: "Would you like a glass of water and maybe an excuse to come in and talk to me?"
Bill: "Sounds great."

In Susan’s kitchen, she fills a glass of water from the tap.

Bill: "So, it’s tomorrow. I told you I’d check back in on that date."
Susan: "Bill, um, I have my reasons."

Susan gets ice cubes from the freezer and hands the glass to Bill.

Bill: "Am I hideous?"
Susan: "Oh, God, no. No! You are just so incredibly not hideous."
Bill: "Thank you. I think."
Susan: "See now. Maybe it’s the word "date" that’s throwing me off."
Bill: "Look. I just want to have some fun. You know dinner, drinks. No strings attached."

Susan smiles. She looks at her refrigerator which has Mike’s unopened letter clipped to it.

Susan: "Okay, I’ll go out with you."
Bill: "Great. I know this little place out of the way. You’re gonna love it."

Gabrielle's House

Carlos sits at the table, writing. Gabrielle walks up to him.

Gabrielle: "Whatcha doing?"
Carlos: "Making an emergency list for you so you’ll know who to call in case the roof leaks or the power goes out..."
Gabrielle: "Why?"
Carlos: "I’m taking the plea bargain. So you can keep the house. When I buried my mother, I did it with respect and I don’t regret a single penny. But I’m the one that got us into the position that we're in, and the moment I did, I stopped respecting you."

Carlos hands Gabrielle the list.

Carlos: "And that’s not right."
Gabrielle: "You are so brave."
Carlos: "It’s not without strings. I need you to promise me that you're gonna be here when I get out."
Gabrielle: "Well, that’s a ridiculous thing to say. I’m not going anywhere."
Carlos: "And I need you to promise me that you'll be faithful while I’m gone."
Gabrielle: "Yeah. Of course."
Carlos: "Gabrielle, I’m no fool. You’re a beautiful woman and I understand that you have needs. But I'm a very jealous and possessive man, and I need to hear you say it."
Gabrielle: "I promise."
Carlos: "Okay then. Tomorrow morning, we’ll so and see the lawyers."
Gabrielle: "I love you."

Gabrielle gets up and sits on Carlos’ lap.

Carlos: "I love you, too."

They kiss, then hug.

Carlos: "And just so you know, I’m gonna hold you to that promise."

Gabrielle looks worried.

Bree's House

While it's still dark outside, Andrew sleeps in his bed. Bree quietly shakes him and Rex turns on the light. Andrew wakes up and sees his mother and father standing over him.

Andrew: "What’s going on? Did Grandma die?"
Rex: "Uh, no, she’s fine. Listen, Andrew..."

Bree sits on bed next to Andrew.

Bree: "Sweetheart, it’s been clear to us for sometime now that you’ve been unhappy. All this acting out..."
Rex: "The pot smoking, the violence."
Bree: "It just isn’t you. And we feel that you need to spend some quality time thinking about the goals in your life and what kind of person you want to be."
Andrew: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Bree: "There’s this place called Camp Hennessey. It’s designed for teenagers like yourself who have lost their way and..."
Andrew: "You gotta be kidding me."
Rex: "They, they emphasize discipline and responsibility. Two things you’re sorely in need of."
Bree: "Hopefully, you won’t have to be there for more than a few weeks."
Andrew: "You can stop this now. I’m, I'm not going to any stupid camp for juvenile delinquents."

Rex walks to the door and Andrew lies back down, turning his back to his mother.

Rex: "We’re ready."
Bree: "Sorry, honey but you don’t have a choice."

Two tall, muscular men walk into the room. Andrew looks at them and then at his mother. Andrew jumps out of bed and tries to run past everyone. The men grab him.

Rex: "Son!"
Andrew: "Get your hands off of me!"
Rex: "Andrew, Andrew, it’s no use fighting. Now, these gentlemen are going to help you get dressed and then they're gonna drive you to the camp."
Men: "We can take it from here."
Andrew: "Wait, wait. Mom, mom, wait, please, I’m sorry, mom. Please."

Bree approaches Andrew.

Bree: "Honey it’s going to be okay, I promise."

Andrew spits in her face.

Andrew: "I know this was your idea."

Rex charges at Andrew, who's still being held by the two men.

Rex: "Why you little..."

Bree pulls Rex off.

Bree: "Stop it. Honey, no matter what you say or do, I will always love you."

Andrew pulls away from her.

Man: "Let’s go, come on."

Bree and Rex turn to leave the room while Andrew stares after them.

Later, in the dining room, Rex sits at the table, drinking coffee. Bree comes up behind him and hugs him

Rex: "What’s that for?"
Bree: "For being here. For standing by me through this."

She sits down next to Rex.

Bree: "You don’t know what it means to me, Rex. It’s been a long time since I felt I had a real partner. And it really helps, especially on a horrible morning like this."

Rex reaches out and covers her hand with his. Bree puts her other hand over Rex’s.

Barcliff Academy

Lynette is fixing the twins backpacks in the hallway when Alisa approaches her.

Lynette: "Hey Alisa, hey Lily, how are you guys?"
Alisa: "May I speak to you please?"
Lynette: "Um, sure. Here. Stay right there."
Twin: "Yes, Mom."

Alisa signs to Lily to stay there as well and the two mothers go into an empty classroom.

Lynette: "So, how are you?"
Alisa: "Dennis left me."
Lynette: "What?"
Alisa: "Dennis left me!"
Lynette: "Why?"
Alisa: "You told him to. You moron!"
Lynette: "I’m sorry, what?"
Alisa: "You talked to my husband about my marriage and it’s none of your business!"
Lynette: "I’m sorry but I can’t understand you. You're gonna have to talk slower."

Alisa turns, frustrated, toward the door. She goes over and pulls Lily in. She signs something to her daughter then begins signing to Lynette.

Lily (translating): "Dennis said you yelled at him for saying stuff behind my back."
Lynette: "Well, yeah!"
Lily (translating): "And he said you told him our counseling wasn’t working."
Lynette: "Yes, that’s not exactly what I..."
Lily (translating): "Where the hell do you come off telling people to stop going to counseling?"
Lynette: "I didn’t mean that you..."
Lily (translating): "Sure, we have our share of problems. Financial, emotional, sexual..."

Lynette turns to Lily briefly as she translates.

Lily (translating): "...but we were solving them."
Lynette: "Alisa, come here."

She pulls Alisa aside.

Lynette: "Are you sure you want to be saying these things in front of your daughter?"

As she talks, Lynette holds up her purse so Lily can’t see what she is saying.

Alisa: "Now, you’re telling me how to raise my daughter?"
Lynette: "Lily, we’re coming back."

Lynette walks back over to Lily and Alisa follows.

Lynette: "Alisa, I am so sorry if I caused a problem. I just wanted to help."
Alisa: "Why? Why did you want to help?"
Lynette: "Well, because..."
Alisa: "Because I am deaf?"
Lynette: "No, because your husband was being a total jerk!"

Alisa begins signing.

Lily (translating): "You just gotta come in on your white horse and come to the rescue. Well, guess what? I didn’t need to be rescued, got that? I didn’t need to be rescued!"

Alisa and Lily walk to the door. Alisa turns back to Lynette.

Alisa: "Bitch!"
Lily: "Ah, she said..."
Lynette: "Yes, thank you. I know what she just said."

Alisa grabs Lily's arm and storms out.

Restaurant

Susan and Bill sit at a table in a restaurant.

Susan: "I mean, one minute we’re making out in his truck and the next thing I know, we’re at the hospital and the doctor’s digging a bullet out of him. It’s just that when I started dating Mike, he seemed like such a normal guy, you know?"
Bill: "They always do. You wanna get some nachos?"
Susan: "I mean obviously I am not going to read the letter. At some point you just gotta let it go, right?"
Bill: "Right. You mind if we leave off the jalapeños? I’m not so good with spicy things."
Susan: "I don’t mean to be babbling. It’s just really complicated and there is so much about Mike you don’t even know."
Bill: "That would surprise me at this point."

Susan looks up and sees Edie storming over to their table.

Bill: "Edie."
Edie: "Your foreman said that you were out on a date with a hottie. Evidently, someone’s in need of Lasik."
Susan: "You tracked us down?"
Edie: "Oh, well, it wasn’t hard. I just followed the stench of betrayal. We had an agreement, Susan."
Susan: "No, we didn’t. You know I just said what you wanted to hear because you guilted me into it."
Edie: "I was trying to protect our already fragile friendship."
Bill: "Am I in the middle of something here?"
Edie: "Not any more. You" (to Susan) "I will hate forever. And you" (to Bill) "are fired."
Susan: "Edie!"
Bill: "You’re firing me because I’m going out with Susan?"
Edie: "Yes, and before you start whining that dating her is punishment enough, save it."

She walks away. Bill and Susan look exasperated.

Later, on a dark road, Susan drives Bill home.

Bill: "I suppose I could tell her you threw yourself at me. You were lonely, you begged to have dinner and I took pity on you."
Susan: "Well, excuse me, but that, that kinda makes it sound like it was my fault. You can’t possibly blame me. I’m not the one who fired you."
Bill: "Right. You just chose not to tell me that Edie would be insanely mad if I went out with you. Slow down. You’re driving too fast!"
Susan: "You know, this is between you and Edie. I just got sucked into the drama."
Bill: "Yeah. I bet you tell yourself that all the time."
Susan: "What does that mean?"
Bill: "You didn’t get sucked into the drama. You invited it in."
Susan: "That’s not true!"
Bill: "You spent the last hour obsessing over your ex-boyfriend. Even though he’s a sketchy ex-con who very possibly strangled your neighbor."
Susan: "Well, no, he didn’t."
Bill: "And Edie told you not to go out with me, but did you listen? No, because you saw the potential for disaster and you just couldn’t resist getting in there."
Susan: "Okay, Mr. let’s-just-have-fun-cause-I’m-the-charming-casual-contractor-man. You chased me, so own it, my friend!"

There's suddenly a loud bang and the front tire on Susan’s car goes flat. Susan is unable to control the car, and it runs off the road.

Later, Susan and Bill sit by the side of the road, the crashed car behind them.

Bill: "You didn’t get that tire fixed did you?"
Susan: "I was meaning to. I guess I do invite the drama in. Just a little."

Lynette's House

Lynette and Tom lie in bed, watching TV.

Lynette: "Tom, am I a bad person?"

Tom uses the remote to turn off the TV.

Tom: "No, why would you say that?"
Lynette: "I don’t know. I guess I just have it in my head that only bad people break up marriages and offend the handicapped."
Tom: "Well, I did try to warn you."
Lynette: "You did. Why do I do it? This compulsion to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. I mean..."
Tom: "You were just looking out for your friend."
Lynette: "Yeah, a lot of good it did her."
Tom: "At least you tried. I admire you for that."
Lynette: "Oh, please."
Tom: "Hey, I’m the guy who let Dennis badmouth his wife because I was afraid of making a scene. But you, you knew it was wrong and you let him have it."
Lynette: "That’s me. Never afraid to create a scene."
Tom: "My point is you have a strong sense of what is right and you are not afraid to act on it and I admire you for that."
Lynette: "You know what I admire you for? You find a way to compliment me when you could say 'I told you so.'"

Lynette leans over and kisses Tom. He signs something to her.

Lynette: "You just signed 'I told you so' didn’t you?"
Tom: "You’ll never prove it."

Tom turns off the light.

Sacred Heart Hospital

Mr. Steinberg, the man who eavesdropped on Gabrielle and Nurse Heissel's conversation earlier, leads Gabrielle into his office.

Mr. Steinberg: "Thanks for coming in Mrs. Solis. I believe you’ve met Nurse Heissel?"

Gabrielle sees Nurse Heissel sitting in the corner.

Gabrielle: "Yes, hello, again."
Mr. Steinberg: "Nurse Heissel became quite attached to your mother-in-law. That’s why I asked her to be here for this. First of all, I want you to understand that we consider our commitment to our patients a sacred trust."

Nurse Heissel lets out a sob. Gabrielle turns to look at her.

Gabrielle: "Okay."
Mr. Steinberg: "Having said that, it appears there may, and I stress may, have been a breakdown in our chain of care."

Nurse Heissel sobs again. Again, Gabrielle turns to look at her.

Mr. Steinberg: "I can assure you that we hold our staff to the highest standards in the industry. But we are only human, after all."

Nurse Heissel lets out a long whimper. Gabrielle turns and touches Nurse Heissel.

Gabrielle: "Honey, are you okay?"

Nurse Heissel continues to whimper as she shakes her head.

Mr. Steinberg: "Nurse Heissel, why don’t you step out?"

Nurse Heissel gets up crying.

Nurse Heissel: "I’m so sorry."
Gabrielle: "Uh huh."

Nurse Heissel leaves the room.

Mr. Steinberg: "We all share in your grief."
Gabrielle: "Apparently."
Mr. Steinberg: "And we’re hoping to alleviate any further pain your family may suffer by offering some monetary compensation."

Mr. Steinberg puts a letter in front of Gabrielle. She picks it up to read.

Mr. Steinberg: "Provided you and your husband waive any future right to litigation, of course."
Gabrielle: "Monetary compensation? You’re trying to buy us off?"
Mr. Steinberg: "Let’s not get tangled up in legalese. We like to think of it as an extension of our caring."
Gabrielle: "Well, in that case, care away."

Gabrielle hands the document back, smiling.

Gabrielle's House

Gabrielle sits in her car in the driveway, talking on the phone.

Gabrielle: "Mr. Hartley, I have a hypothetical question for you. I like to play the lottery and I - yes, I know what the odds are, but I just love those scratch-offs. Say I were to win, I don’t know, a million six hundred thousand dollars. Would the government be able to take it? Like they took everything else?"

There's a pause as Gabrielle listens to the answer, then she gets out of the car.

Gabrielle: "That’s what I thought. The bastards. So, what if we won the lottery after Carlos went to jail? Could the government touch the money then? Hypothetically. I see. And we could keep the house."

Gabrielle walks toward the front door. She sees Carlos vacuuming just inside the front door. He smiles and waves at her. Gabrielle smiles and waves back.

Gabrielle (on the phone): "Oh no, I’m just at the grocery store wondering if I should buy a ticket. Thanks a bunch, Mr. Hartley. So what time should I bring Carlos to the DA’s office tomorrow? Great."

Gabrielle, smiling, hangs up the cell phone.

Bree's House

Bree walks into the dining room, where Danielle and Rex are seated. She puts down a bowl of food and leans over to kiss Rex.

"We all honor heroes for different reasons. Sometimes for their daring..."

Danielle turns and looks at her brother’s empty chair.

Gabrielle's House

Gabrielle and Carlos sit on their couch. Carlos reads the paper and Gabrielle reads a magazine. They are holding hands.

"Sometimes for their bravery..."

Lynette's House

Lynette feeds the baby in the kitchen. Tom is in the background, watching her.

"Sometimes for their goodness..."

Tom goes over to Lynette and leans down.

Tom (to the baby): "I love you."

Lynette turns to him and signs "I love you."

Outside

Susan walks towards Mike’s house with his sealed letter in her hands. Susan slides the letter under Mike’s door.

"But mostly we honor heroes because at one point or another, we all dream of being rescued."

Inside his house, Mike picks up the unopened letter and watches Susan walk away.

"Of course, if the right hero doesn’t come along, sometimes we just have to rescue ourselves."

Susan continues walking back home.

~ The End ~

This spoiler episode was compiled and completed on April 12, 2005 by Amanda Lane (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com), Wayne Manuel, and Lucy.
Last Update: August 28, 2005

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