Episode 01.16 - "The Ladies Who Lunch" Mary Alice: "Throughout even the most respectable of neighborhoods, you can hear the sound of scandal. Some scandals announce themselves with a shout. Some with a whisper. And some with bang. And once in a great while, there comes a scandal so deliciously sordid, its roar drowns out all other noise. Yes, the scandalous arrest of Maisy Gibbons would soon prove to be the shot heard 'round the world." Gabrielle: "Carlos and I are trying to prioritize some little things we need to do around the house." Mike: "Right. And, uh, you don't consider sewage backing up in the house a priority?" Gabrielle: "It's definitely on the short list." Carlos: "Innocent until proven guilty, my man." Gabrielle: "Hope he's more innocent than you are." Susan: "I'm a little sad. Mike and I were just a fling. And not even a full fling. Sort of a borderline fling." Julie: "Mom, anyone can see how much you loved him." Susan: "Well, I also loved junk food, and I gave that up, and I survived." Edie: "It's all here. Appraisal, title search, and escrow documents. " Paul: "Again, I'm sorry about changing my mind, but this just isn't really a good time to sell the house. Zach's going through a lot, and he wants to finish high school before moving." Edie: "Ah, forget it. It's part of the business. I expect to get screwed over." Edie: "Now, where is your house key? Oh, I must have left it at home. I'll bring it by tonight." Paul: "No one will be here. Zach's away on a school trip, and I'm going to Mount Pleasant on business today. Just, uh, drop it by tomorrow." Edie: "Or I could just keep it." Paul: "What?" Edie: "It's a joke, Paul. I know your wife's dead and all, but it's been six months. Lighten up." Edie: "My necklace! Oh, you know, I lent this to Martha three months ago, and she said that it went down the drain. Oh, I miss how we used to steal things from one another." Edie: "I was just about to give a Maisy Gibbons update." Lynette: "Guys, we should be ashamed of ourselves for reveling in that woman's misery. That being said, Edie, please continue." Edie: "Oh, that's the only nice thing I could say about my first husband -- he taught me how to bluff." Lynette: "He played poker?" Edie: "No, he was lousy in bed. I had to fake a lot of orgasms. You don't have to respond." Lynette: "Thank you." Edie: "So, uh, where was Susan today?" Lynette: "Um, I'm not sure." Edie: "Wow! Tom must be great in bed." Lynette: "Huh?" Edie: "Well, obviously, you have no idea how to bluff." Edie: "She's upset with Mike, isn't she? Well, come on. I'm gonna find out sooner or later." Lynette: "She's devastated about the breakup, and she hasn't left the house in days." Edie: "Well, why didn't you just tell me that?" Lynette: "Because it's personal. It's the kind of thing she would only want me to tell her friends." Edie: "I'm Susan's friend. Well, I don't hate her." Lynette: "Edie, if you want me to share stuff with you, you're gonna have to start being more supportive of Susan." Edie: "Okay. How?" Lynette: "What do friends do? They call, they're sympathetic, they ask about the pain the other person is going through, and then they listen." Edie: "What if you want to be supportive, but you just can't stand listening to people bitch?" Lynette: "Then it's good to know how to bluff." Lynette: "I just can't figure out how it happened. [The twins] get a bath every night. Trust me, it's the ugliest 15 minutes of the day." Maisy: "You do get credit for one thing. You came to visit me, even if it was for an ulterior motive. None of the other girls from the club even bothered. I've been abandoned. Guess that's what happens when you become the town whore." Bree: "Oh, sweetie. They didn't abandon you because you're a whore. They abandoned you because you weren't all that nice to begin with." Edie: "Look, I'm feeling badly about what you're going through with Mike. And don't worry. I'm not going to date him." Susan: "Doesn't matter anymore." Edie: "Well, don't get me wrong. I still have every intention of sleeping with him. Some mountains are just meant to be climbed." Edie: "Mary Alice was being blackmailed?" Susan: "Yeah. The girls and I found a threatening note in her stuff." Edie: "What the hell kind of street do we live on?" Bree: "Rex. If you walk out of this restaurant, I will scream." Rex: "Bree --" Bree: "I will scream about your cruelty. Then I will scream about your infidelity. And then, just to make sure it really hurts, I will scream about your distasteful sexual habits. You want to know what true humiliation is, you just take one step." Edie: "So, what are we looking for, exactly? An embroidered pillow that says "I killed Martha Huber"?" Susan: "Do you believe in evil, Edie?" Edie: "Of course I believe in evil. I work in real estate." Mike: "I was gonna tell you. There just wasn't a right moment." Susan: "See? Now that's a lie, too, because there were plenty of right moments." Mike: "Susan --" Susan: "Every time we went out for pizza, you could have said, "oh, and by the way, I once killed a man." Or when you said, "hey, let's go jogging," you could have said, "well, by the way, I once killed a man." Every time we went to the movies and the hero shot the bad guy, you could have turned to me and said, "oh, and by the way, I did that once." You didn't." Mike: "Do you want to hear what happened or not?" Susan: "It doesn't matter, because I will never believe anything you say ever again." Bree: "Are you and Carlos having some sort of money trouble? Gabby, it's okay if you are." Gabrielle: "Is that so?" Bree: "Yes, and, and to tell you the truth, I'm a little insulted. I am a good friend. Why would you feel like you have to hide that from me?" Gabrielle: "I don't know. Probably for the same reason you didn't tell me Rex was one of Maisy's clients." Bree: "That is obviously different." Gabrielle: "Why? Because it happened to you? Bree, this is how I see it -- good friends support each other after they've been humiliated. Great friends pretend nothing happened in the first place." Bree: "Well, then, good luck on your remodel." Gabrielle: "And please tell Rex I said hello." Mary Alice: "Yes, everyone loves a scandal...no matter how big or small. After all...what could be more entertaining than watching the downfall of the high and mighty? What could be more amusing than the public exposure of hypocritical sinners? Yes, everyone loves a scandal. And if for some reason, you're not enjoying the latest one...well, the next one is always around the corner."