Episode 01.14 - "Love Is In The Air" Mary Alice: "Most mothers will tell you their children are a gift from god. Most mothers would also tell you that the gifts their children give them are less than heavenly. Lynette had suffered through art work made in kindergarten, spice racks made in summer camp, and jewelry made at the scout jamboree. But this day, Lynette Scavo received a gift every mother dreams of. One she wasn’t embarrassed to display. Lynette knew she’d cherish the memory of that moment for the rest of her life. The memory of that moment was ruined the very next day. Yes, most mothers will tell you their children are a gift from God. Most mothers will also tell you there are some days when you wish you could return them." Felicia: "Hello. These were delivered to my house by mistake. May I? They’re for Mary Alice Young." Paul: "Oh my god. I uh, had a standing order with the florist. I forgot to cancel it. Mary Alice was my wife. She passed away a few months ago." Felicia: "I’m very sorry for your loss." Paul: "And I’m sorry for yours." Felicia: "Pardon?" Paul: "Your sister. Martha?" Felicia: "Oh, yes. Her." Yao Lin: "The only reason you have anything in your life is because you’re pretty. One day you’ll be old, and when that happens you’ll be nothing." Gabrielle: "You are so fired." Yao Lin: "No kidding." Susan: "Ooh. Valentine's Day card. It’s pretty. And meticulously hand painted. Whoever sent you that must really love you...and be loaded with talent." Mike: "It’s beautiful. Thanks." Susan: "So we still on for tomorrow night?" Mike: "Oh. Not only are we on, I got reservations at Le Petit Fleur." Susan: "Ooh. That place is so pretentious. I’ve been dying to go there." Twin: "We don’t want to get spanked." Twin: "Yeah, we promise we’ll be good." Lynette: "Too late, you stole and then you lied. Even worse? You made me look bad in front of Mrs. McCluskey, who you know is mommy's sworn enemy. Time to pick your poison. How 'bout a belt? It’s a classic. Well, we could go with the old hickory stick. It’s a cliché, but it’s pretty effective. I know, we’ll go with the spatula. The holes give it less wind resistance. Moves faster. Boys: "No!" Lynette: "Guys, guys, guys, hey my hands are tied. Thieves get spanked. Just the way it works. Unless..." Twin: "Unless what?" Lynette: "For a first time offense, if you swear, cross your heart, that you will never, never steal again, and you write Mrs. McCluskey a letter of apology, I will let it slide. All right, start with 'Dear Mrs. McCluskey.'" Twin: "Mommy, why are you smiling?" Lynette: "Do you know what physiological warfare means?" Twin: "No." Lynette: "Well, too bad for you. Okay, start with a big em, little see. Good." Bree: "Rex and I are hosting a dinner party for ten next week. We’re using our best china and serving duck." Dr. Goldfine: "So, you and Rex are a couple again?" Bree: "Yes. You know that’s one of the things I hated most about our separation. Not being able to throw dinner parties. There’s just something so civilized and elegant about them, don’t you think?" Dr. Goldfine: "I take it you’ve resolved your feelings about his infidelity?" Bree: "Let’s just say that I put them in an imaginary box and don’t plan on looking at them for a while." Dr. Goldfine: "Do you think that’s the healthiest way to achieve a reconciliation?" Bree: "Well, it won't be easy at first. There’ll be a lot of forced smiles and perfunctory love making, but after a few decades whiz by I’m sure I’ll find a way to forgive him." Dr. Goldfine: "Well, as long as you have a plan." Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, how does this reconciliation have a chance if the two of you can’t be honest about the innermost parts of your lives?" Bree: "We’re, um, WASPs, Doctor Goldfine. Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best." Dr. Goldfine: "You’d settle for that? A life filled with repression and denial?" Bree: "And the dinner parties. Don’t forget the dinner parties." Mrs. McCluskey: "Your little criminals snuck into my house and stole my wall clock." Lynette: "What?" Mrs. McCluskey: "It was a hand-painted purple and white wall clock. My son made it." Lynette: "Are you sure you didn’t misplace it? You’re getting up there in years, no offense, but you probably forget where you put things." Mrs. McCluskey: "No offense, but you should be sterilized." Mrs. McCluskey: "Those boys would’ve been better off raised by wolves. God knows they would’ve been cleaner." Bree: "Valentine's Day is tomorrow." Rex: "I know. I already bought your gifts." Bree: "Roses and English toffee?" Rex: "Mmm hmm. Just like always." Bree: "Yes. And I suppose we’ll make love tomorrow night, too." Rex: "That is our little tradition." Bree: "Good. I’m looking forward to it. Are you looking forward to it?" Rex: "What?" Bree: "Well, it’s just that I know that I don’t please you sexually, so I was wondering if you really were looking forward to being with me." Rex: "Oh, for god's sake." Bree: "I’m sorry, Rex. I thought I could pretend that this doesn’t upset me anymore, but I can't." Rex: "Please don’t do this." Bree: "You had an affair. You went to another woman for sex to give you something I couldn’t. At least have the decency to tell me what that something is." Rex: "Bree, I can’t." Bree: "Why not? Rex, please tell me. Let me prove to you how much I love you." Rex: "I like to be dominated." Bree: "Huh?" Rex: "Sexually." Bree: "Huh?" Rex: "Never mind." Bree: "What the hell did your mother do to you?" Rex: "What?" Bree: "Well, come on, this just reeks of unresolved childhood trauma." Rex: "This has nothing to do with my mother, Bree, this is a preference." Bree: "It’s a perversion." Rex: "For gods sake, you promised to be supportive." Bree: "What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples. Hooray?" Rex: "I want you to say you’ll try it. Just, just once" Bree: "Try what? Hurting you? You actually want me to hurt you?" Rex: "So I can feel pleasure, yes." Bree: "Fine." (she slaps him) "So? Was it good for you, too?" Gabrielle: "That’s the difference between you and me, Yao Lin, our dreams. Close your eyes, please. Thank you. You see I dreamed of pulling myself up from nothing, and I did. I dreamed about the things I wanted and I got them all: a high powered career, a handsome husband, an extravagant house. So, this is just a blip in the radar for me, because now, I know what I’m capable of and if I did it once, I can do it again. I’m never really down, Yao Lin, even when it looks like I am. So, enjoy this moment, enjoy your dream, because for you, it doesn’t get any better then this." Rex: "So there’s nothing to be afraid of. I mostly will be constructing simple scenarios and acting them out." Bree: "So, it’s like we’re in a little play." Rex: "Sort of. And if things do get too rough we’ll have a control word. If one of us says it, the other backs off immediately." Bree: "Okay. So what’s our control word?" Rex: "Well, lately I’ve been using Philadelphia. What’s wrong?" Bree: "Well it’s just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia and I don’t want to be thinking about her while I’m spanking you with a leather strap." Rex: "Okay. Fine. You pick a control word." Bree: "Um, how about Boise?" Rex: "Boise?" Bree: "What’s the matter with Boise?" Rex: "We’re going to be doing psychological role playing here, Bree, and a funny word like Boise would ruin the mood. We need something that sounds serious." Bree: "Hmm. How about Palestine?" Rex: "Boise will be just fine." Bree: "So I guess we should, uh, get started. What do you want me to do?" Rex: "Handcuff me to the bed. Bree, you are not going to regret taking this journey with me. This is going to infuse our marriage with more passion then you could imagine. You just have to trust me." Bree: "I do. Would you mind if I ran these through the dishwasher once?" Rex: "Sure." Mary Alice: "It’s impossible to grasp just how powerful love is. It can sustain us through trying times or motivate us to make extraordinary sacrifices. It can force decent men to commit the darkest deeds or compel ordinary women to search for hidden truths and long after we’re gone, love remains burned into our memories. We all search for love, but some of us, after we found it, wish we hadn’t."