Episode 01.09 - "Suspicious Minds" Mary Alice: "News of the fashion show spread quickly on Wisteria Lane. Though the event was for charity, Gabrielle soon discovered that when it came to the latest fashions, women are seldom charitable. No one knew this better than Edie Britt. She understood that treachery never goes out of style." Edie: "Crap! Crap! Crap! I'm telling you, all of the good dresses are taken. Well, what the hell am I supposed to wear?" Lynette: "Well, Mrs. Huber never showed up. Why don't you wear this one?" Edie: "This is an old lady dress. You won't even be able to see my body." Lynette: "That is so like you, Edie. You're always thinking of others." Julie: "This isn't the first letter I've gotten from Zach. We've been writing each other the last couple of weeks. Are you mad?" Susan: "No, it's just when I was your age, my pen pal lived on a farm in Ohio, not in a mental institution. You know, that letter is one notch above prison mail." Rex: "Look, if we take him off the swim team, he'll lose his shot at an athletic scholarship, and then he's never going to forgive us!" Bree: "Well, if it insures he grows up with some trace of humanity, then that's a risk I'm willing to take!" Rex: "Well, I'm not." Bree: "Well, that's because you just don't love him as much as I do!" Rex: "Well, isn't that nice." Bree: "It's just a fact. I'm his mother. He lived inside of me." Rex: "He hung out in your womb for a few months back in the 80s. Since then, I have grown to love him just as much as you!" Gabrielle: "Susan, hi! Do you want to help with the seating cards?" Susan: "Sure. Do you want to tell me why you had your foot in John Rowland's crotch yesterday?" Lynette: "I'm not twisting anyone's arm. If I make a better offer, why shouldn't a qualified person reap the benefits? So come on...where can I score some high grade nanny?" Bree: "Why are you smiling?" Andrew: "Ummm.. It's just a joke that I heard." Bree: "Oh. What was it about?" Andrew: "It's kind of dirty, Mom." Bree: "Charming. What I was wondering was if you've bothered to spend any time reflecting on the reasons that you've been grounded, and all the pain that you've caused the Solis family." Andrew: "Yeah, I, I totally get how actions have affected, like, everything else." Bree: "Really?" Andrew: "Uh-huh. Like, I mean, you know, like, when I do something, like I did. And, you know, you guys do something like you did, which is, which is, you know, cool because uh, then everything just kind of balances itself out, and, and goes all, smooth again, you know?" Bree: "No, I don't." Andrew: "What's that?" Bree: "It's the container you'll be urinating into." Rex: "What the hell are you doing?" Bree: "The same thing you just did to every memory I have of our marriage." Rex: "You know what? If you were my mom, I'd smoke pot too!" Gabrielle: "Edie, what did you do to that dress?" Edie: "Well, I made it audience friendly. Can you tell I'm not wearing any underwear?" Gabrielle: "Yes!" Edie: "Good." Susan: "Helen, Helen, you're here! Did they tell you about the change in lineup? I'm going to go last if that's okay." Helen: "There's a special place in hell for people like you." Susan: "I'm sorry, it wasn't my decision." Gabrielle: "But Helen, you have to believe me. It's over now." Helen: "No, you're wrong. it's not even close to being over." Mr. Lender: "Was there anything in the chest?" Detective Burnett: "It had a body inside. Adult female." Mr. Lender: "Yeah, but how do you fit a body into a chest that size?" Detective Beckerman: "It was chopped up." Mary Alice: "People are complicated creatures. On the one hand, able to perform great acts of charity. On the other, capable of the most underhanded forms of betrayal. It's a constant battle that ranges within all of us, between the better angels of our nature, and the temptation of our inner demons. And sometimes the only way to ward off the darkness...is to shine the light of compassion."