Episode 01.08 - "Guilty" Mary Alice: There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner. Of course, not everyone who reads this book feels guilt over the bad things that they do. Danielle: "Couldn't we just go to the police and tell them it was an accident?" Rex: "This wasn't some simple DUI. Not only was your brother drinking, Andrew left the scene of the crime. That makes it a hit and run." Andrew: "Maybe I could go to Canada, you know, until the statute of limitations is up." Danielle: "Do you really think mom and dad are going to foot the bill while you go moose hunting for seven years?" Rex: "If Carlos’ mother dies, there is no statute of limitations." Danielle: "Right. Because then it’s murder." Andrew: "Shut up!" Danielle: "You shut up!" Andrew: "How could it be murder, it was an accident!" Bree: "We have to get rid of the car. But we can't sell it. The police might find it, and there could be DNA. We take the car to a bad part of town. We'll leave the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked. If the police don't find it, we'll get the insurance money, and if they do, it wasn't in our possession. Anyone could have hit Mrs. Solis." Andrew: "That sounds good!" Rex: "Bree, are you sure?" Bree: "Our son could spent the rest of his life in jail. I won't allow that." Nurse: "Mrs. Solis, it’s time for her sponge bath." Gabrielle: "Come again?" Nurse: "Sometimes family members prefer to administer sponge baths themselves." Gabrielle: "I think I'll pass." Martha: "What are you doing?" Edie: "I am taking back the $40 that you stole out of my purse." Martha: "Edie!" Edie: "We both know you did it, now hand it over!" Martha: "I have taken nothing from your purse, and if you're missing money, I'd ask one of those strange men you parade through here at all hours." Edie: "I am not going to apologize for having a healthy sex life!" Martha: "Healthy? I'm going to have to burn every sheet you've touched." Dr. Chang: "This will put you right to sleep. It’s a very powerful herbal remedy. Now promise me you're going to use it judiciously?" Lynette: "Sure. Whatever." Susan: "So, Julie said that you came by before?" Mike: "Um.. Yeah. Uh... yeah, I was thinking about driving up to the Girmany vineyard tomorrow for this wine tasting, and, um.." Susan: "What time do you want me to be ready?" Mike: "How about six?" Susan: "Six is good." Mike: "All right. I thought maybe afterwards, we could have a little dinner, maybe some dancing." Susan: "Sounds great. Um, you do know that it’s like a two-hour drive up there. And isn't that kind of late to be coming back?" Mike: "I thought if, you know, worse came to worse, we could grab a room..." Susan: "Oh? Like a hotel room?" Mike: "Yeah, as a last resort." Susan: "Of course, of course, yes. So, maybe we should make reservations, you know, just in case." Mike: "Yeah, I found some hotels online. Let me get a printout." Rex: "You really think this is gonna work?" Bree: "This is the most impoverished neighborhood in the city. Trust me, somebody will steal the car." Rex: "How can you be so sure?" Bree: "Because I have faith in the poor." Julie: "Mom, if you really need something to freak out about, just remember that you're going to spend the night with Mike in a hotel. No man has seen you naked in years, except your doctor." Susan: "Yeah, and he retired. I try not to take that personally." Julie: "I need this weekend to go well." Susan: "Why do you care so much?" Julie: "Because I'm gonna have a husband of my own someday, and I really don't want you living with us." Carlos: "Can our lives have any meaning if all we ever do is buy stuff?" Gabrielle: "That depends on what we buy." Carlos: "I want a child." Gabrielle: "In case you've forgotten, before we got married, we made a deal. No kids." Carlos: "Yeah, well, deals were meant to be renegotiated." Gabrielle: "Well, we're not negotiating my uterus." John: "I went to confession." Gabrielle: "Have you lost your mind? What did you tell him?" John: "Everything." Gabrielle: "Including in the alley? Behind the truck stop?" John: "Everything." Andrew: "You want to know how I feel?" Bree: "Yeah." Andrew: "Okay, here it goes. I feel bad that she got hurt. But I also feel bad that my car got dinged because somebody didn't have enough sense to look both ways before she crossed the street. And I also feel bad that now I'm gonna have to ride my bike to school." Bree: "Andrew, you almost killed another human being." Andrew: "She’s an old lady. Okay? She’s lived her life. I have my whole life ahead of me, and now it might be screwed up! That’s what you should be worried about!" Bree: "What I'm worried about, Andrew, is that you don't seem to have a soul. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call the police!" Andrew: "Because I'm your son. That would make you the monster." Mike: "You went through my cabinets." Susan: "What? Oh, I can explain." Mike: "Get out of my house." Susan: "Mike..." Mike: "Get out!" Edie: "Ooh, well isn't this just as pretty as a picture book!" Mr. Shaw: "Well, the plan is to put in a small condo." Edie: "You want to make some money, or you want to pussyfoot around?" Mr. Shaw: "What do you suggest?" Edie: "I'm thinking strip mall." Mike: "I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that. I'm, I'm not obligated to share every little detail of my life with you." Susan: "Well, every little detail is one thing. You know, weird creepy secrets, that’s another." Mike: "You know what, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me." Susan: "Well, maybe we shouldn't be dating." Mike: "Maybe we shouldn't." Susan: "Do you mean that?" Mike: "Yeah." Susan: "Well, I hope that, your, you know, little secret keeps you warm at night because you're throwing something really great away to protect it!" Father Crowley: "Gabrielle, you know, we are all responsible for the choices we make. Don't you want to be a good person?" Gabrielle: "What I want is to be happy." Father Crowley: "That’s the answer of a selfish child." Gabrielle: "I know." Paul: "Mary Alice and I had these little black flies once. Martha: "Oh?" Paul: "She was so funny about it. She ran out and bought herself a can of poison something to spray them down, so she was taking aim at one on the counter, and she just, uh, stops, and puts the can down. couldn't do it. She told me later, it felt too personal. Literally couldn't kill a fly. That’s how gentle she was." Martha: "Then you must have lived with quite a few flies." Mary Alice: "There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner. Of course, not everyone feels guilt over the bad things they do. In contrast, there are those who assume more than their share of the blame. There are others, who sooth their consciences with small acts of kindness. Or by telling themselves their sins were justified. Finally, there are the ones who simply vow to do better next time, and pray for forgiveness. Sometimes, their prayers are answered."