Episode 01.06 - "Running to Stand Still" Mary Alice: "Suburbia is a battleground, an arena for all forms of domestic combat. Husbands clash with wives, parents cross swords with children, but the bloodiest battles often involve women and their mothers-in-law. The war for control of Carlos began the night he proposed, and Gabrielle had been losing ground to Juanita ever since. From the prenuptial agreement which she reluctantly signed, to the selection of wedding music she despised, the color of the house paint she hadn’t wanted ... Gabrielle had suffered one defeat after another." Carlos: "Mmmm... that’s nice.." Gabrielle: "You like that?" Carlos: "Oh yeah." Gabrielle: "God, I’m gonna miss this, Carlos." Carlos: "What do you mean?" Gabrielle: "Well, since, I’m gonna have to be doing the cooking, and the cleaning, and all the shopping, like the other wives..." Carlos: "Mmm hmm..." Gabrielle: "...I’m going to be exhausted at night--just like all the other wives ... till I build up my stamina, of course, but that might take a couple years..." Susan: "Speaking of Zach, I haven’t seen him around lately." Paul: "He’s been a bit depressed. I thought he could use a change of scenery, so I sent him to stay with relatives." Susan: "Oh, which ones?" Paul: "You don’t know them." Susan: "So, how’d you get the fat lip?" Paul: "The usual way. Asking too many questions." Carlos: "It’s driving me crazy, mama. It could be any one of these guys she’s having the affair with." Mama Solis: "Don’t worry about it. I’m not letting her out of my sight." Carlos: "Now, who the hell is that? And look at the way she’s touching him. You think that’s the guy she’s having the affair with? " Mama Solis: "Carlos, don’t be stupid. A guy she talks to in public isn’t someone you’re gonna worry about." Carlos: "So it’s someone that she doesn’t talk to. What do I have to do? Beat up every guy in town?" Mama Solis: "Marriage takes work!" Maisy: "Now, before everyone leaves, we have new copies of the script up here. Tilda and Francis and I went to the rehearsal yesterday, and we were a little troubled by the ending. Killing the wolf. It says the wrong message to our kids. And we believe that animals should only be euthanized as a last resort." Maisy: "So in our version, the wolf is aggressive because he has a thorn in his paw. And the woodsman will take out the thorn, and send Mr. Wolf on his way." Lynette: "I’m sorry, aren’t we doing Little Red Riding Hood?" Maisy: "Yes." Lynette: "So then you are aware that the wolf is a bad guy. He eats Little Red’s grandma. If you let him go, he’s just going to chow down on another defenseless old lady." Bree: "I must say, I’m jealous of how much time you two spend together. My mother-in-law would never want to hang out with me all day." Gabrielle: "She sounds nice." Gabrielle: "Doesn’t it make you nervous, a boy alone upstairs with Danielle?" Bree: "Oh no, I don’t worry about John. Both he and Danielle are in the abstinence club." Susan: "Mrs. Greenberg. Do you remember those two eggs I let you borrow last Christmas? I need those back." Mrs. Greenberg: "Well gosh, honey, I’m fresh out, but if you want, I could run to the store." Susan: "Oh, forget about it, it’s not that important, but since I’m here, do you still have that old hatchback sitting in your garage? Can I borrow it tomorrow?" Mrs. Greenberg: "You want to borrow my car?" Susan: "Just for a couple of hours." Mrs. Greenberg: "Well, I’m not sure. Do you know how to drive a stick?" Susan: "Yes, I think so. I learned in college. It’s like riding a bike, right?" Mrs. Greenberg: "I’m not sure, dear." Susan: "It’s not big deal. It’s just for a couple of hours. I let you borrow my eggs for a whole year." Rex: "So, we were talking, and the idea of a sexual surrogate came up." Dr. Goldfine: "This is a licensed professional who'd work with you as a couple on solving whatever sexual problems you may be having. I have an excellent referral." Bree: "And what would this sexual surrogate person do?" Rex: "Well, she would coach us." Bree: "She!" Dr. Goldfine: "She’s very discrete. You’ll hardly notice she's there." Bree: "Oh. So she would be in the room with us, while we make love?" Rex: "Yes, helping us to achieve maximum sexual potential." Dr. Goldfine: "Do you have any questions?" Bree: "Just one. How much longer is your midlife crisis going to last, because it is really starting to tick me off!" Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, you know, it’s not uncommon for people experiencing sexual repression to distance themselves from the act." Bree: "Is that how you see me? As some sort of prude who just lays there like a cold fish? I love sex." Dr. Goldfine: "All right." Bree: "I love everything about it. The sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then, when you add friction. Mmm ... The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man’s nipple ever so gently. And then there’s the act itself - two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don’t like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously it has its practical applications, but I’m just not a fan." Waiter: "Can I get you something?" Dr. Goldfine: "Uh, just the check, please." Waiter: "Sir, you haven’t ordered yet." Dr. Goldfine: "Oh." Susan: "I checked up on this Silvercrest place. It’s a treatment center for troubled kids. Who’s gonna notice one more? I create the distraction. You blend in and find Zach." Julie: "How am I supposed to blend in with a bunch of messed up teenagers?" Susan: "I don’t know, Julie. You pretend to be bulemic. Gag a little. Come on, work with me here!" Julie: "Mom, when this is over, we need to talk about your parenting skills." Jordana: "Can you keep a secret?" Lynette: "Um, sure. That’s ADD medication. My kids take this, or they almost did. I thought it was supposed to calm you down?" Jordana: "Um, it has the opposite effect if you don’t have attention deficit disorder. Ever chug a pot of turkish coffee?" Lynette: "Seriously, you’re taking your kids medication?" Jordana: "Once in a while. Do you want a couple?" Lynette: "Oh, that’s very kind of you, but I just smoked some crack a little while ago, so I better not mix." Mary Alice: "Juanita was now more convinced than ever that her treacherous daughter-in-law was having an affair. But the question remained, with whom? And suddenly, Juanita remembered it wasn’t the men Gabrielle talked to that she had to worry about." Lynette: "Maisy, we have kids the same age, which means there are years ahead of us, having to deal with each other. So instead of playing all these petty games, why don’t we put an end to this right now." Maisy: "What are you saying?" Lynette: "Let’s take it outside." Maisy: "Let’s take what outside?" Lynette: "Your sorry ass. We’re throwing down." Maisy: "You are crazy!" Lynette: "Just being practical. Isn’t it better to settle this once and for all, rather than endure all this alpha mom crap until our kids graduate? Hmmm? Come on! I’ll even let you take the first shot." Maisy: "I don’t have time for this." Lynette: "Yeah, I didn’t think so. And just so you know, next spring when we do Bambi, his mother is going to take a slug to the heart, and you’re going to like it!" Mary Alice: "The search for power begins when we’re quite young. As children, we’re taught that the power of good triumphs over the power of evil. But as we get older, we realize that nothing is ever that simple. Traces of evil always remain..."